Amber: A Rill Woman Goes to Gel

[MyPeopleAreNordic 30.8k]

16 hours ago, druzy said:

So is this the work of a "Rill Cinematographer"

Lovely work has been activated

What the hell does that mean?

Is Andrew wearing a wedding ring?

Is this like the fake ring Matt wore when they were together or something?

Also, glad to see the Marilyn stuff is still around. I'm sure Marilyn (who struggled in ways Amber never will/has, worked most of her life, and studied/continued to study acting for years) is rolling in her grave that this sloth who has been handed this fame "identifies" with her.  Ugh.... 

[teapot 13.4k]

6 minutes ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

 

Also, glad to see the Marilyn stuff is still around. I'm sure Marilyn (who struggled in ways Amber never will/has, worked most of her life, and studied/continued to study acting for years) is rolling in her grave that this sloth who has been handed this fame "identifies" with her.  Ugh.... 

I think it was tumblr where Marilyn Monroe was called "the patron saint of lost girls." (probably not a title she ever would've appreciated.)  also, MM was curvy, so Amber might identify with her there.

i just wonder what she did w/all of Old Matt's Hard-Rock Cafe-looking memorabilia!!!

Edited January 25 by teapot

[galaxychaser 6.0k]

Andy keep kissing Ambers behind. Work for that $.

[ghoulina 119.4k]

I'm so over Andrew and his vague captions. He fancies himself very intelligent and esoteric. We just wouldn't get it. 

[teapot 13.4k]

10 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

I'm so over Andrew and his vague captions. He fancies himself very intelligent and esoteric. We just wouldn't get it. 

I cannot imagine a conversation between those two.  At all.

[ghoulina 119.4k]

31 minutes ago, teapot said:

I cannot imagine a conversation between those two.  At all.

Andrew quietly mumbles something very ambiguous comment about some trendy topic he read about in the newspaper. Then Amber would yell, "What??? What the fuck are you talking about???" He quietly goes back to looking at his phone. 

[galaxychaser 6.0k]

More like Amber lays in bed screaming what she wants and Andrew gets it for her.

[Wednesday-Addams 1.2k]

21 hours ago, druzy said:

So is this the work of a "Rill Cinematographer"

Lovely work has been activated

What the hell does that mean?

I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that Andrew smokes copious amounts of weed. Because that is some hardcore stoner “cinematic” shit.

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

I'm so over Andrew and his vague captions. He fancies himself very intelligent and esoteric. We just wouldn't get it. 

Well, he does read the New Yorker...so he’s pretty fancy.

[ghoulina 119.4k]

17 hours ago, Wednesday-Addams said:

Well, he does read the New Yorker...so he’s pretty fancy.

AND he prepares charcuterie boards!!

[geauxaway 7.9k]

8 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

AND he prepares charcuterie boards!!

And he wears a sport coat with every outfit!!

[Snarky McSnarky 15.3k]

He's a Rill Cinematographer with IMDb credits...it's just that nobody has ever seen any of the productions he's been involved with.

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5051934

[Jeanne222 4.1k]

Andrew reminds me of somebody coddled by wealthy parents!  I do notice he and Amber are a perfect match.  Both laying and sitting excessively!  So there's that!

[Wednesday-Addams 1.2k]

Did anyone catch Ambers Super Bowl Live IG?(now deleted). I heard it was Classic Portwood-complete with cheesy sunglasses in bed and insane dialogue. And sex emojis. Anyone? Bueller?

[teapot 13.4k]

1 minute ago, Wednesday-Addams said:

Did anyone catch Ambers Super Bowl Live IG?(now deleted). I heard it was Classic Portwood-complete with cheesy sunglasses in bed and insane dialogue. And sex emojis. Anyone? Bueller?

and thank God for that!  It has almost as much to do with the Superbowl as this does: 

NSFW

https://popculture.com/trending/2019/02/03/super-bowl-2019-teen-mom-farrah-abraham-reveals-racy-nfl-photo/

[BlancheDevoreaux 4.3k]

On 1/25/2019 at 10:33 AM, teapot said:

I think it was tumblr where Marilyn Monroe was called "the patron saint of lost girls." (probably not a title she ever would've appreciated.)  also, MM was curvy, so Amber might identify with her there.

i just wonder what she did w/all of Old Matt's Hard-Rock Cafe-looking memorabilia!!!

Except that Marilyn was actually curvy in that she was 5'5", weight 118, and her measurements were 37"-23"-36" meaning she had a clear definition between her chest, waist, and hips.  Amber calls herself curvy but is just fat.  Probably because she doesn't get any physical exercise and eats like crap.

[teapot 13.4k]

12 minutes ago, BlancheDevoreaux said:

Except that Marilyn was actually curvy in that she was 5'5", weight 118, and her measurements were 37"-23"-36" meaning she had a clear definition between her chest, waist, and hips.  Amber calls herself curvy but is just fat.  Probably because she doesn't get any physical exercise and eats like crap.

ummm based on that MM was *skinny*!!  I'm not-quite-5'2 & weigh 118 & I'm like a size four!!

Edited February 5 by teapot

[Wednesday-Addams 1.2k]

https://www.cameo.com/amberportwood

So for $45, you can get a 30 second personalized video from Amber. Such a deal.

[Wednesday-Addams 1.2k]

Dr Drew is $75 for 30 seconds. God help us if Tyler finds out about this scam!

[BlancheDevoreaux 4.3k]

17 hours ago, teapot said:

ummm based on that MM was *skinny*!!  I'm not-quite-5'2 & weigh 118 & I'm like a size four!!

I wouldn't call her skinny. She had clear definition between her bust, waist, and hips. She was truly curvy. 

[Rebecca 13.6k]

On 1/19/2019 at 5:35 AM, ginger90 said:

This must be why she attracts only grifters and losers. I see zero beauty inside or out.

On 1/22/2019 at 3:31 PM, toodywoody said:

Jenelle went on video stating that Amber needed to stop talking about her man because he's good at everything and even does electric and how he risks his life cleaning the bottom of boats. Then Jenelle asks why she never touches her baby and needs to maybe go change his diaper or something. 

So Amber goes on a 10 minute screaming match calling Jenelle a pussy, cunt and how she was going to beat her ass and how Jenelle doesn't have the balls to say it to her face. She goes on and on about being the OG and how she is the reason Teem Mom exists and how none of the OG moms get after each other. Farrah fight anyone? she goes on and on about being from Indiana and how Jenelle doesn't know shit about her life. Said fuck your mom and the shit she said and blah blah blah

Basically from Amber a bunch of cussing up a storm and ranting and raving looking like a fucking puckered butthole lunatic (what's new) First it was Farrah and now it is Jenelle.

Oh yeah and said Jenelle is too old to be acting this way. When Amber was basically throwing herself all around the room like she was having a seizure and cussing and saying bitch, cunt and fuck alot.

 

Maybe David and Jenelle will go to ~Indiana~ and attempt to murder Amber but actually only permanently damage her vocal cords, resulting in Amber no longer being able to speak. We never have to hear her proclamations of badassery again and baby James is spared from hearing her cursing and screaming for the rest of his childhood. Then David gets charged with attempted murder and conspiracy and goes to prison and Jenelle gets charged as an accessory, and finally Dustin can’t save her and she too goes to gel. All their kids go to much better homes. The Laaaaaand sinks back into the ground, aka Hell. Then, somehow MTV and specifically that fucker Morgan J Freeman, are found culpable and sued for everything they have. Morgan becomes a sex cam crackwhore and MTV folds as a network, replaced with AMTV - Actual Music Television. They go back to only playing videos and all the stupid reality shows are canceled and the lameass “stars” like Kailyn and The Situation are never heard from again, except for the people they serve at Arby’s. Annnndddd Fin. Too much? Dream big! 

On 1/22/2019 at 4:36 PM, heatherchandler said:

Thank you!!

I can just picture all of it in my head.  Same old Amber.  I love when she throws around how tough she is because she is from Indiana.  

I wonder where the fuck she even got that Indiana was such a Place of Badassery?

On 1/25/2019 at 3:28 PM, Wednesday-Addams said:

I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that Andrew smokes copious amounts of weed. Because that is some hardcore stoner “cinematic” shit.

I’m extremely high right now* (see the murder plot fan fiction above for proof 😆) and it does nothing for me. He does seem like a smoker but there’s a hell of a lot of “lack of talent” at play too, IMO.

*yeah, it’s 10am 😆 but I worked on paperwork for over 12 hours each day on Monday and Tuesday so I could have today to relax 😬 

12 hours ago, Wednesday-Addams said:

https://www.cameo.com/amberportwood

So for $45, you can get a 30 second personalized video from Amber. Such a deal.

I bet she’ll be “sending love.” 🤢 I think cameo is ridiculous in general but she’s not being nearly as greedy as some of the “talent” is on there. Last time I looked Caitlin Jenner wanted $1,000! Yeah, she’s  accomplished a hell of a lot more than Amber but, come the fuck on! Neve from Catfish wants $143. Teresa Guidice thinks she’s worth $150. This random dude who isn’t even really on Vanderpump Rules (he’s Brittany’s random friend, Zach..it would be like Kousin Krystal asking for $500, but Krystal has actually been on the show more than Zack) wants $500! I’m actually surprised Amber is one of the more reasonably priced options. Not that I still don’t find it ridiculous and egotistical.

Edited February 6 by Rebecca

[teapot 13.4k]

7 hours ago, BlancheDevoreaux said:

I wouldn't call her skinny. She had clear definition between her bust, waist, and hips. She was truly curvy. 

I'll give you that but anyone with a 23" waist is skinny in my book!!  :-)

(I think the last time my waist was that size, I was ten....anyone remember the Levis with the waist size on it??)

[TheRealT 8.2k]

Amber has a new hairstyle and is supposedly engaged. NuMatt got a haircut too.

[monicageller 4.9k]

Amber... in bed?! Shocking!

[toodywoody 8.2k]

With her eyebrows conveniently looking like she just drew them on. She must have fell asleep with her makeup still on from pulling an all nighter looking at comments and filling orders from her boutique and giving advise to all the people that she helps all the while flipping houses. 

[ginger90 35.2k]

I left out the person’s name. This is a comment on that picture:

I wish @realamberlportwood1__ knew how absolutely perfect she is. Look at this photo. Perfect momma. Such a great shot @andrew.glennon

🤯

[toodywoody 8.2k]

2 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

I left out the person’s name. This is a comment on that picture:

I wish @realamberlportwood1__ knew how absolutely perfect she is. Look at this photo. Perfect momma. Such a great shot @andrew.glennon

🤯

Barf. Perfect? First off no one is perfect and for another trainwreck to say she hardly picks up her kid is saying something.

[Rebecca 13.6k]

3 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I left out the person’s name. This is a comment on that picture:

I wish @realamberlportwood1__ knew how absolutely perfect she is. Look at this photo. Perfect momma. Such a great shot @andrew.glennon

🤯

This is why they need a barf reaction emoji! Basically for this whole show, actually.

[FairyDusted 21.1k]

On 2/6/2019 at 4:53 PM, teapot said:

I'll give you that but anyone with a 23" waist is skinny in my book!!  🙂

(I think the last time my waist was that size, I was ten....anyone remember the Levis with the waist size on it??)

LOL! I remember using a sharpie on those student Levis even at a 23 waist. 

On 2/12/2019 at 3:09 PM, TheRealT said:

Amber has a new hairstyle and is supposedly engaged. NuMatt got a haircut too.

Oh look she washed and bought herself a new ring. That's 3. 

[ginger90 35.2k]

[geauxaway 7.9k]

Did they recently receive their TM paycheck?  She sure seems to have gone on a spree.  

Pay your taxes!

[druzy 43.2k]

7 hours ago, geauxaway said:

Pay your taxes!

 

[Snarky McSnarky 15.3k]

7 hours ago, geauxaway said:

Did they recently receive their TM paycheck?  She sure seems to have gone on a spree.  

Pay your taxes!

If they're at the beach, it's probably a rental car.  Last time they were in L.A. they rented a Rolls Royce so why not a Bentley?  Pretentious turds...as if anyone in L.A. is impressed by wannabes driving expensive cars.  #They'reAllLeasedAnyway

[galaxychaser 6.0k]

Amber is no Angel.  Nice she bought herself a ring and plenty of food for Andrew.  He is so overweight.  Amber is fattening him up so he won't run away/cuz he can't.

James is really cute.  Sadly his parents are awful poor thing has no chance.

[geauxaway 7.9k]

16 hours ago, Snarky McSnarky said:

If they're at the beach, it's probably a rental car.  Last time they were in L.A. they rented a Rolls Royce so why not a Bentley?  Pretentious turds...as if anyone in L.A. is impressed by wannabes driving expensive cars.  #They'reAllLeasedAnyway

There’s no doubt it’s a rental, but still she burns through that money as quick as she gets it.  She is just so stupid!  Luxury rental, beach house, new diamond ring....all in the same week.  🔥💰

Oh, wait, I forgot about her “investments.”  That’s right, mouth breather NuMatt is some sort of savvy trader.  🤣🤣🤣

[heatherchandler 12.3k]

On 2/14/2019 at 7:37 AM, ginger90 said:

They go to the beach and sit in the car???

[Wednesday-Addams 1.2k]

On 2/12/2019 at 3:09 PM, TheRealT said:

Amber has a new hairstyle and is supposedly engaged. NuMatt got a haircut too.

Ugh. I actually like Ambers new cut and color and her baby is super cute. Andrew also looks good with his new haircut, and I’m curious to see his clean shaven face.

What is happening?!? Why do I not have anything snarky to say?!?

Although not to worry as I’m sure an Amber IG rant is in my near future. Sending love?

[ginger90 35.2k]

[SweetieDarling 11.5k]

She abandoned him already?

[TheRealT 8.2k]

17 hours ago, SweetieDarling said:

She abandoned him already?

No, she abandoned Leah (again).

[heatherchandler 12.3k]

On 2/16/2019 at 5:30 PM, SweetieDarling said:

She abandoned him already?

She abandoned BooBoo!  This is BeeBop or somefuckingbullshit.

[SweetieDarling 11.5k]

3 minutes ago, heatherchandler said:

She abandoned BooBoo!  This is BeeBop or somefuckingbullshit.

Thanks, I can't keep all her nicknames straight.

[monicageller 4.9k]

[Snarky McSnarky 15.3k]

Keep spending Amber's money, Andrew.  Once it stops coming in, you can just leave her dumb ass and move back in with your family in Malibu.

[galaxychaser 6.0k]

1 hour ago, Snarky McSnarky said:

Keep spending Amber's money, Andrew.  Once it stops coming in, you can just leave her dumb ass and move back in with your family in Malibu.

But who will raise James? The bed can’t raise him.

[heatherchandler 12.3k]

On 2/18/2019 at 7:11 AM, monicageller said:

Ooof that bedhead takes some serious dedication.

[FairyDusted 21.1k]

PANTS FFS!

[TresGatos 3.4k]

On ‎2‎/‎18‎/‎2019 at 8:11 AM, monicageller said:

Shouldn't that read Two Beauties and a Bitch?

[heatherchandler 12.3k]

On 2/19/2019 at 3:36 PM, TresGatos said:

Shouldn't that read Two Beauties and a Bitch?

and a hamhock

[alexa 6.8k]

So she moved from the bed to the floor, and now the baby can crawl over the unclean surface instead.  She would have been better off staying in bed!  

[galaxychaser 6.0k]

Bubs and booboo sure lucked out in the mom department heh.