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S01.E03: Language of Love

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Sean spends time with Abby, but struggles to put his doubts aside; Darcey and Jesse spend their first day together in Amsterdam; Paul worries he's getting stood up in Brazil; Cortney prepares to meet a Spanish model she has only texted.

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There isn't a single likeable American in this bunch for me. Cortney lost me with the " I traveled the world and other cultures are more family-oriented and not as corrupted." Spare me, honey. You just got done introducing your parents who have been married forever.

Darcey is so desperate and thirsty. No one's ever pulled out a chair for her? I'm an average lady from NJ and plenty of dates have done that for me. 

I am now #teamchris simply by default. I do think Abby is playing Sean but he's so desperate and creepy, I don't care.

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1 minute ago, kacesq said:

There isn't a single likeable American in this bunch for me. Cortney lost me with the " I traveled the world and other cultures are more family-oriented and not as corrupted." Spare me, honey. You just got done introducing your parents who have been married forever.

Oh for real. What a bullshit thing to say. Yeah, it's just the Spaniards. Everyone else fucking hates their families. She's as bad as Jorge and his stereotypes about evil American women with their dreams and goals that don't involve cooking meals for his pudgy ass. 

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Watching Cortney, I have a Nicole 2.0 vibe. Her parents, her friends. Girl, your red flags are up, don't go through with this!

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Just now, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Yes, but also, do go through with this because it will make for great TV! 

Also: those gums. Sorry.

whose gums? Cortney'S? Dang it, I never notice anything...

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Just now, Landlord said:

whose gums? Cortney'S? Dang it, I never notice anything...

Yeah, they're... prominent? I know it's mean to point out something that a person can't help, but damn. She reminds me of a former colleague who I super didn't like, who also had a gum "situation," so that doesn't help.

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Cortney, listen to your parents. Listen to your friends who are so "defensive" (defensive?) of you. Hell, watch an episode of "Catfish." At the very least, wear a helmet whenever you go out in public. You can't afford to lose much more brain power.

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How can someone be 24 and not know how to Google? I mean geez it doesn't occur to you to try and figure out who the guy who has been texting you love emojis but won't face time is?

Edited by poeticlicensed
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Am I the only one who spots brief moments when Abbey's eyes go blank and she looks dead inside? She can be talking to Sean one second, perfectly happy, and then the next she's having an internal debate about her life choices.

She's totally playing him. I was unsure last week but this week it seems pretty clear. I'm with the poster above who says they don't care because he's so creey and desperate. Ditto that.

Also, just because it can't be said enough, watching him hanging off her is cringe worthy and I dunno that it's worth a pile of panties to put up with that.

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Jesse just didn't want her makeup to get all over his clean sheets. She forgot about those caterpillars attached to her eyelids.

Edited by poeticlicensed
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7 minutes ago, Landlord said:

whose gums? Cortney'S? Dang it, I never notice anything...

Besides the gums, which I noticed immediately, isn't her right eye way larger than the left? Maybe it's the camera angle.

Edited by Latenites · Reason: Typo
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I think Jesse seems kind of rude. Darcy is probably nervous but he keeps pointing out things that are wrong with her. Plus enough with "Americans this and that". Cortney is being catfished, Paul and Sean are creepy.

Edited by Madding crowd
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3 minutes ago, Latenites said:

Besides the gums, which I noticed immediately, isn't her right eye way larger than the left? Maybe it's the camera angle.

Could she have the same thing as Paris Hilton for her eye? I don't know the name for it, I'm ignorant. And well... Lazy to look it up. Also: how can you feel chemistry over emojis?

Strabismus. There. I googled it.

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Strabismus is eyes going in different directions. It didn't look like that, but the actual size of each of her eyes look different to me.

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Darcey's desperation is just oozing out of the tv screen.  She's worried about facebook statuses and mentions marriage every 2 seconds.  I've got second hand embarrassment for her.  And her poor daughters watching this, oof.

And new girl with the wonky eye, for the love of God, if someone can't or won't call or FaceTime you, something is wrong! Watch an episode or ten of Catfish.  Can't wait to see what's in store for her.

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This was the first episode I saw this season, bug one thing jumped out at me:

Jesse CAN'T STAND Darcy!

is he just being polite because she flew all that way? Is getting laid THAT important?

Wow, they are painful to watch.

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4 minutes ago, Latenites said:

Strabismus is eyes going in different directions. It didn't look like that, but the actual size of each of her eyes look different to me.

It's midnight here. But I meant Paris Hilton. She got (has?) eyes that are different sizes.

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2 minutes ago, lgprimes said:

This was the first episode I saw this season, bug one thing jumped out at me:

Jesse CAN'T STAND Darcy!

is he just being polite because she flew all that way? Is getting laid THAT important?

Wow, they are painful to watch.

Yeah, she's really superficial, and he's not. She'll really have to tone it down or he's going to really start resenting her.

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I said it last week that I don't know if I can watch this show.  

Those 2 American guys are so creepy.  They literally make my skin crawl.  They have an Indle King vibe.  Run girls, run fast, run faster.

Jesse is an asshole. A controlling weirdo and I agree with the poster who said, enough with the complaints about America.  

Darcy I  kind of feel sorry for. Go home, find a decent guy and spend time with your daughters.   Or just spend time with your daughters.

Cortney, enroll in a community college and smarten yourself up. Maybe a trade like a dental assistant?

Edited by Cherrio
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Doesn't Darcy look older than 42?  Maybe it's because I'm 42 and I feel me and my friend who are my age or older look younger than her.  Maybe it's the Botox but I feel she seems closer to 50.   

Cortney just isn't all that bright.  I've know people like that (and some of them have Masters and Doctorates).

Edited by Laurie4H
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5 minutes ago, Laurie4H said:

Doesn't Darcy look older than 42?  Maybe it's because I'm 42 and I feel me and my friend who are my age or older look younger than her.  Maybe it's the Botox but I feel she seems closer to 50.   

Cortney just isn't all that bright.  I've know people like that (and some of them have Masters and Docorates).

She really does look older to me too, but I think it might have something to do with her hair style and color and (I can't believe I'm agreeing with Jesse) all the make up she cakes on. She could probably look closer to her age if she did some things differently. That very dark hair and harsh style only ages her further.

Or...she's really 52 assumed no one would notice.

Edited by rideashire
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We need Nev and Max to pay a visit to Cortney before she decides that the naked guy holding handcuffs but won't Skype is her true love. 

Paul wants karine to have an STD and pregnancy test before he has sex with her? First, isn't he being a bit presumptuous to assume she will want to have sex with him? I guess a foot locker of snack food is worth a roll in the hay I guess. And will he also be taking an STD test?

So neither Paul nor karine learned one word of English and Portuguese ? They are both dumb. 

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1 minute ago, poeticlicensed said:

We need Nev and Max to pay a visit to Cortney before she decides that the naked guy holding handcuffs but won't Skype is her true love. 

Paul wants karine to have an STD and pregnancy test before he has sex with her? First, isn't he being a bit presumptuous to assume she will want to have sex with him? I guess a foot locker of snack food is worth a roll in the hay I guess. And will he also be taking an STD test?

So neither Paul nor karine learned one word of English and Portuguese ? They are both dumb. 

Sorry, but who are Nev and Max?

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3 minutes ago, Laurie4H said:

Doesn't Darcy look older than 42? 

Yes!

INHO, she looks particulary awful in her talking head segments. Not sure what is going on w her forehead/hairline.  She looks part cyborg.

Her hair is also def too long, and too dark.

She would look a lot better with hair/makeup/clothes toned down.

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Just now, poeticlicensed said:

They are the hosts of the show Catfish on MTV. They investigate and uncover people who catfish. 

Ah, thank you very much. I don't have nor do I watch MTV.

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7 minutes ago, Laurie4H said:

Doesn't Darcy look older than 42?  Maybe it's because I'm 42 and I feel me and my friend who are my age or older look younger than her.  Maybe it's the Botox but I feel she seems closer to 50.   

Cortney just isn't all that bright.  I've know people like that (and some of them have Masters and Doctorates).

I'm 44 and seriously - I look YOUNGER than Darcy.  I think it's either the work she's had done or she's really pushing closer to 50.

I didn't catch what Jesse's Dad (?) said to her in the promo.

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7 minutes ago, greekmom said:

I didn't catch what Jesse's Dad (?) said to her in the promo.

To me it sounded like "...you've seen each other for a day and you're already talking marriage - are you out of your *ucking mind!?"

Edited by Kelly
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7 minutes ago, Kelly said:

Yes!

INHO, she looks particulary awful in her talking head segments. Not sure what is going on w her forehead/hairline.  She looks part cyborg.

Her hair is also def too long, and too dark.

She would look a lot better with hair/makeup/clothes toned down.

Her hair has to be extensions. Isn't that why he bought silk sheets ? She said something about keeping her hair from getting frizzy. 

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53 minutes ago, Landlord said:

Watching Cortney, I have a Nicole 2.0 vibe. Her parents, her friends. Girl, your red flags are up, don't go through with this!

hey...its obviously going to be a clusterfuck...but hey...she loves to travel and looks better than Nicole...so maybe she will just have a fun 3 weeks..as long as she doesnt wake up in a bathtub of ice, missing a kidney of course?

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1 minute ago, poeticlicensed said:

Her hair has to be extensions. Isn't that why he bought silk sheets ? She said something about keeping her hair from getting frizzy. 

Oh for sure she has extensions...

Her whole look just screams desperate.  She just has desperation rippling off of her.

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7 minutes ago, Kelly said:

To me it sounded like "...you've been here a day and you're already talking marriage - are you out of your *ucking mind!?"

um...those are hus parents??? no waaaay... I thought they were palm readers or something!!

He also said "obviously he is way out of your league"  hahahaha

Just now, Christi said:

um...those are his parents??? no waaaay... I thought they were palm readers or something!!

He also said "obviously he is way out of your league"  hahahaha

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3 minutes ago, Christi said:

um...those are hus parents??? no waaaay... I thought they were palm readers or something!!

He also said "obviously he is way out of your league"  hahahaha

Hahaha, I thought the EXACT thing....that they had gone to see some psychics that may have been his friends,. His parents? Greatness!! 

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4 minutes ago, Swim mom said:

Note to Cortney's mom:  if your blood pressure is so high that you have blood splatters in your eyeballs, you are burning your kidneys to dust. Get some bp pills and start saving up for dialysis. 

The way Cortney laughed when she brought that up was a little weird. Like first a little chuckle, then more laughing as she thought about it. I'm not sure how causing your mom that degree of stress is amusing. 

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1 hour ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Yeah, they're... prominent? I know it's mean to point out something that a person can't help, but damn. She reminds me of a former colleague who I super didn't like, who also had a gum "situation," so that doesn't help.

She looks like a young Vikki Gunvalson.  With a much nicer personality

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38 minutes ago, Landlord said:

Ah, thank you very much. I don't have nor do I watch MTV.

I would of said that about a month ago, but I watched an episode of Catfish and got "hooked".

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Yeah,  noticed Cortney's gummy smile and wonky eye, neither of which she can help. I don't think we should ridicule her for something she can't help, but you can't fix stupid. Her mom was all excited about dip? Reminds me of my ex husband's family; they were obsessed with it for whatever reason.

Darcey seriously smacks of desperation.  He seems to like her, so hopefully she's not stupid enough to spoil it by being so neurotic and hungry.  Jesse seems more pragmatic. I have a couple of Dutch friends who are similar to Jesse in their thinking and societal attitudes. 

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This is seriously a great season! I already hate all of them.  Darcy is trying to beat " how to lose a guy in 10 days" she is doing absolutely everything that would turn off the average guy but Jesse is like a relationship cyborg!  Paul, you are a nerd and a fool  and why neither of you thought you needed to speak basic English or Portuguese to communicate with each other - did you think you were just going to hug all day? April is definitely playing Chris, er, Paul but I don't care because he definitely deserves to be taken.  And last but not least, Cortney, even your old Father thinks your being catfished & he probably never watched MTV.

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Darcy should have taken a hotel room for the first few days. She could have settled in, smoothed out her hair extensions, pooped and poulked herself together. She is a wreck and jet lag is the worst. You need to spend the first day rehydrating and getting acclimated. 

3 minutes ago, Caseysgirl said:

This is seriously a great season! I already hate all of them.  Darcy is trying to beat " how to lose a guy in 10 days" she is doing absolutely everything that would turn off the average guy but Jesse is like a relationship cyborg!  Paul, you are a nerd and a fool  and why neither of you thought you needed to speak basic English or Portuguese to communicate with each other - did you think you were just going to hug all day? April is definitely playing Chris, er, Paul but I don't care because he definitely deserves to be taken.  And last but not least, Cortney, even your old Father thinks your being catfished & he probably never watched MTV.

What is the Portuguese word for STD? Her Father will punch Paul in the face when he reads that text. 

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42 is young and beautiful if a woman has taken care of her skin, as in washing and moisturizing since her 20s... clearly not Darcy's regimen. 

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Darcy is a hot ass mess but I get serial killer vibes from Jesse.  He orders her to take off her makeup, then as she's doing it he tells her to do it in the bathroom and asks her if she needs help. Just strange. I would be getting out of there so fast if I were her. 

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1 hour ago, Christi said:

um...those are hus parents??? no waaaay... I thought they were palm readers or something!!

I wonder who is older, Jesse's parents or Darcy?

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