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ElectricBoogaloo

The Good Quotes

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From "The Burrito"  

Tahani:  "The whole point of the afterlife test is that everyone in these rooms is supposed to be talking about me and yet even in this scenario you are still talking about Camila.  Which is exactly the point."

 

Shawn: “All of these reports of their torture are completely fake?”

Michael: “A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of Pretty Little Liars.”

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Shawn: And since it seems you love humans so much, I’ll torture you like one. All you’ll have for entertainment is that giant stack of New Yorker magazines.

Michael: Oh come on. You and I both know I’ll never read those.

Shawn: Of course you won’t, but they’ll just. Keep. Coming. *evil laugh*

Edited by bethy
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My favorite from when Michael is asking about things that get you in the bad place:

 

”Have you ever paid money to see a band from California called The Red Hot Chili Peppers?” 

 

Also Eleanor calling Janet “Busty Alexa”

 

Please post more Bad Janet quotes folks!

Edited by Robertpetry
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On 9/30/2016 at 12:05 PM, Lugal said:

Michael (on suspenders): So dumb!  So much dumber than belts!

Okay, I'm two years late on this but I particularly love this because I've actually listened to a podcast about how inferior inventions triumphed over superior ones (VHS v Betamax, etc.) and suspenders actually are the better method for holding up your pants. A belt is basically a tourniquet around your body.

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Chidi: "What's the secret? Is the secret more books? How many more books do I need?"

I think Chidi might actually be my soulmate. The secret is always more books.

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"If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. Plus, bonus, you get half the stuff I stole."

"Yep, he just confessed to the robbery."

"Damn it!"

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On 9/28/2018 at 1:50 PM, snowwhyte said:

Chidi: "What's the secret? Is the secret more books? How many more books do I need?"

I think Chidi might actually be my soulmate. The secret is always more books.

Is that you, Hermione? 

(I say that as someone who loves books and the Harry Potter series!)

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6 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Is that you, Hermione? 

(I say that as someone who loves books and the Harry Potter series!)

Well, I may not be the Hermione but I was definitely a Hermione at school. Luckily, I was able to chill out somewhat as an adult although when I commented to a friend that I thought I was fairly laid back they laughed so maybe I'm not as chill as I thought.

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On 10/1/2018 at 6:40 PM, BobH said:

"If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. Plus, bonus, you get half the stuff I stole."

"Yep, he just confessed to the robbery."

"Damn it!"

"K" the cop's partner on the radio:  That was easy

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Janet: "Humans only live like 80 years and they spend most of that time waiting for things to be over!"

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"Dick Tracy called. He said you're a buttface and he's been plowing your mom."

"Hey, well, Dick Tracy called me, too, first, and he said he was about to call you and say a lie about me that was actually true about you instead."
 

I love Trevor and Michael's very different but equally wrong misunderstanding of how that joke works.

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Simone: Great news, everyone. The funding from the neuroscience department came through.

Jason: Oh! And you blew it all on cupcakes? Exactly what I would have done. Respect.

Simone: Eleanor?

Eleanor: Uh, I'm good. I try to avoid pointless group activities, you know? Like office Christmas parties or jury duty. To me, the single most awful sound in the universe is that mangled opening note of your co-worker singing "Happy Birthday. "

Simone: Cool stance. Counterpoint: these are delicious, free cupcakes. Get over yourself and eat one. 

 

Eleanor: I get that we all have meaningful lives outside this study. Well, Tahani and Chidi do. Jason and I are straight trash. 

 

Eleanor: Is that why you came out here? To scold me about the metric system?

Simone: No, I was about to call a cab myself. I have an early class tomorrow. Then, I saw my friend hiding behind a plant, and I got concerned. Then, my friend lashed out at me again, so I'm gonna take off, and uh, leave her here with dirty leaves in her hair. 

 

Michael: Serious question

Janet: Yeah.

Michael: Should we kill them? What? It might work! We kill them, go back through the door, somehow grab them before they get to the Bad Place, and regroup from there. I could kill them right now. You know, it would be easy. Their bodies are very poorly made. They're mostly goo and juice. You just take the juice out, and then they're dead. 

 

Chidi: This broke me. The dot over the "i." That broke me. I'm - I'm done. 

 

Eleanor: I'm outtie. See you in hell. You know what I just realized? I always say that when leaving a room, but right now it's accurate. I will literally see all of you in hell.

Jason: Not if I see you first!

I'm just so proud of Jason for using that correctly. 

 

Drug Dealer: I'm just trying to sell you some drugs and you made it weird!

 

Tahani: Hello, madam, are you poor? Here's $5,000 for a new stroller. Have a nice day!

Jason: You don't have to say the "are you poor?" part.

 

Banker: We're technically supposed to shut down the bank if anyone from Florida even walks in.

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"Dude, we can get mythical animals? Maybe I'll get a penguin."

"Penguins are real."

"That's the spirit, Eleanor. They're real to me too."
 

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On 10/5/2018 at 2:41 PM, Charlesman said:

“Blake Bortles is kind of okay, maybe? I don’t know, it’s being debated among experts.”

How did it take me until now to realize that was said by an all-knowing, all-seeing judge?

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"This is how I always got out of escape rooms. If you break enough stuff they open the door and kick you out."

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It doesn’t work in this medium but from season 1...

Eleanor: “This is the Bad Place!”

Michael: [beat] “Evil laugh...”

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Michael: If you eat anything in this IHOP you will literally explode.
Jason: Yeah, I know. It's IHOP.
[Elinor and Jason high five]

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John: What's the craziest secret celebrity hook up?

Janet: Drake and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on and off for years. 

~

Chidi: Uh-oh. Michael looks like me. That's bad.

~

Tahani: Eleanor, Michael. It is I, Tahani!

Eleanor: Yeah, we know, babe.

~

Tahani: But this is awful. You two won't be together anymore. I haven't met a more perfect couple since I set up Drake with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

~

Eleanor: The Bad Place has pulled off the most intricate cork blork of all time. Hmm, it's a nice touch that the cursing filter maintains the rhyme. I appreciate that attention to detail. 

~

Chidi: I'm gonna miss you so much, Eleanor.

Eleanor: Except you won't. That's what's so scary about this whole thing. I'm gonna miss you. You're just gonna think I'm some sexy godlike figure who you wanna hump immediately after meeting her.

Chidi: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are -

Eleanor: It's not a joke! I'm a legit snack!

Chidi: - But I believe in you.  I am not even scared to get rebooted because I know that you'll be here, taking care of me.

Eleanor: I wish we had more time together.

Chidi: Oh, time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. We'll just get through this. And then you and I can chill out in the dot of the "i" forever.

Eleanor: Right. We'll be okay. We found each other before hundreds of times. We can do it again. Bye, Chidi. 

Edited by bettername2come
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