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Long Lost Family

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I like it too.  It's genuine and the people they're helping to find their birth parents or children have been likeable.

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I'm liking this show.  It reminds me of a similar show from a few years back - a guy and his Mom were super adoptee trackers?  That's all I got, lol.  And what's up with Rochester?  The recent story of the Mom and daughter working together at the hospital was my fave so far...altho' there was something "off" with the bio-Mom, don't you think?

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I love this show and rarely get through it without at least tearing up. Everyone is usually so emotional - anxious, happy, relieved, all over the board. I particularly liked last week's episode, where the mother and father had stayed together after giving a son up for adoption, and then had four daughters. There had been letters exchanged for nine years before mysteriously ending. When they finally met up, the son had brought his adoptive parents and His wife and son and the whole thing was like a giant family reunion. It would be nice if all adoptions and reunions could go as smoothly and well. Last night's show featured a father looking for his daughter, and it seemed as though they really needed the other in their own lives. I hope their relationship continues to go well, but one never knows. I wonder if they'll ever feature a case where one party is resentful of or doesn't want to meet/communicate with the other. I can't imagine all reunions are welcomed and happy, much as I might wish it to be so.

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I enjoyed last night's episode too, Jon and Joy were so happy! Joy seemed so lonely and, I don't know, broken. I just felt like they could really help each other at this stage of their lives and I wish them all the best. When Jon insisted on standing to meet her I teared up for real. He's seen a lot of the bad the world can dish out but concentrates on love. I think that's great and good for him. 

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This show kills me. I watched the British version on YouTube but I'm liking this one more. Everyone seems to just go for it with the emotions.

This week's episode with Jon and Joy was interesting to me because they both seemed desperate to be loved and for someone to hold on to them even when they make the wrong choices. I hope they can be that for each other, they both seemed to really need that comfort and reassurance.

The Rochester episode with the mother and daughter was weird. The daughter's face when she realized she knew her was very telling. She recovered quickly though. And the mother thinking the baby was Italian? What? There's absolutely more to this story. Something was amiss here.

My favorite was definitely the couple that stayed together and found their son. They were all so thrilled to be with each other! I loved that they both brought their families, I hope they grow close.

Edit: I'm a creep and I found a link featuring Jenny from the Rochester episode. Apparently the birth mom had another baby with a different black man a year later and gave him up as well. Now Jenny and the baby's aunt are looking for him. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B3HXnxfEDT4&feature=youtu.be

Edited by Spencer Hastings
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Loved the episode where they knew each other. Both worked in a hospital together. The daughter was a nurse and the mother was a patient transporter. The daughter talked about how she (her mother before she knew her to be her mother) always was so funny and easy to work with.

 

The guy in the wheelchair and his daughter was the best. His daughter needed someone so much. I think as they were hugging I heard her in a muffled voice saying, "I didn't have anyone to hug me." At least something like that. Made me cry. Out of every reunion I think this one was where they really needed each other.

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The show you're thinking of Audpad is Troy Dunn is The Locater. It was on WE TV.

Yes I remember this show!  Forgot the name though.  Thank you.

 

I love this show and rarely get through it without at least tearing up. Everyone is usually so emotional - anxious, happy, relieved, all over the board. I particularly liked last week's episode, where the mother and father had stayed together after giving a son up for adoption, and then had four daughters. There had been letters exchanged for nine years before mysteriously ending. When they finally met up, the son had brought his adoptive parents and His wife and son and the whole thing was like a giant family reunion. It would be nice if all adoptions and reunions could go as smoothly and well. Last night's show featured a father looking for his daughter, and it seemed as though they really needed the other in their own lives. I hope their relationship continues to go well, but one never knows. I wonder if they'll ever feature a case where one party is resentful of or doesn't want to meet/communicate with the other. I can't imagine all reunions are welcomed and happy, much as I might wish it to be so.

I remember on the above mentioned show, The Locater, there was an episode where the birth mom refused to meet the child.  It was very devastating.  I can't remember how it ended though.  But the adult child was very upset.  I think the mom had not told her new family about the child.

Edit: I'm a creep and I found a link featuring Jenny from the Rochester episode. Apparently the birth mom had another baby with a different black man a year later and gave him up as well. Now Jenny and the baby's aunt are looking for him. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B3HXnxfEDT4&feature=youtu.be

She also said that her son had seen a photo of Jenny and remarked on how much she looked like him.  I assume this must be another son and not the one she gave up and must also be biracial.  I thought Jenny was very beautiful.  Mom's teeth really bugged me.  Not to be shallow, but she really needs to get to a good dentist.  

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4-3-16

 

I think it was wonderful that the guy who never even knew he had a daughter was so welcoming of her.

 

It was so good to see the 2 sisters and brother who lost their mom to get together with the lost older sister. What a reminder of their mom. She looked so much like her and more like her than the 3 others.

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Totally agree with the above post. Couldn't have said it any better.

Amazing how the father and daughter shared such a passion for animals, and how both adoptees so strongly resembled their birth parent. I'm glad it worked out so well for all involved.

What I want to know is how can the equipment people keep so quiet and hold their cameras and such so steady with all that emotion flying around right in front of them, when I can't keep it together on my couch? Either I'm a sap, or they're all cold-hearted, bastard covered bastards with bastard filling (waves to any Scrubs fans out there).

Edited by scootypuffjr
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I thought it was ironic that Joanna was adopted by the man her mother married while at the same time her birth father adopted the daughter of the woman he married!

It was a great reunion.

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Holy emotion. This episode made me sob like I'd found my freaking family. Both stories were just wonderful. What a great man Joanna's dad must be--to take all of this in stride and adopt his stepdaughter as well. Very ironic that Joanna's stepfather also raised her as his own. I got chills over their passion for animals. Spooky.

Susan's siblings were great. You could tell they were trying to accept her warmly and completely. I'm so petty because when the one sister was like "I don't look the lost like mom anymore," my thought was "I'd be so bitter." That kind of stuff is special. It's silly but I wonder how I'd react.

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I'm really enjoying this show, too, so I'm glad that there's a forum for it.  I watched several of the episodes back-to-back last weekend, which was fun but also emotionally draining.  I cry at the drop of a hat, and was unprepared for how emotional I was going to get while watching.  Sometimes, I also feel embarrassed--as though I'm intruding on these intensely personal/emotional/private moments.  I know that's part of the "point" of the show, and my guess is, for example, that they actually read those letters to themselves before rereading them for the camera, but still.  I feel like I should turn off the TV for a couple of minutes.  Speaking of TV, is anyone else having the problem of the DVR cutting off the show a couple of seconds before the end?  I didn't adjust the time at all, so was annoyed when I missed the very end of the first few episodes.  I went in and added a couple more minutes, but thought it was strange that the time as set by the cable box (which presumably gets that info loaded directly from TLC somehow) was wrong.  

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This show is almost a ringer for a now defunct show once on ABC called "Find My Family".  It was also hosted by Lisa Joyner and a guy named Tim Green, not Chris Jacobs, although Chris is vaguely familiar from somewhere else, I can't place it.  This show is actually better than that show, though.  I have to keep the Kleenex nearby as most of the stories are real tearjerkers.  I'm glad to see a forum opened up for it.

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I enjoyed last night's episode too, Jon and Joy were so happy! Joy seemed so lonely and, I don't know, broken. I just felt like they could really help each other at this stage of their lives and I wish them all the best. When Jon insisted on standing to meet her I teared up for real. He's seen a lot of the bad the world can dish out but concentrates on love. I think that's great and good for him. 

Oh my.  Watching this on TLC now and these two grabbed hold of my shriveled up little heart and breathed life into it.  Huge, wracking, ugly sobs.

 

Fuck this show!  ha ha.  I can't handle it.

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not Chris Jacobs, although Chris is vaguely familiar from somewhere else, I can't place it.

I'm familiar with him because he's on a car show called Overhauling, my husband is fan.

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The woman who was pregnant at 12 could have been a sister. I'm glad they kept the piano playing for a surprise.

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I like this show, but I wish they would tell us more details about the people they find. Like, what happened to the girl after having a baby so young? What did she end up doing with her life? Did she ever marry and have more children? And did the adopted daughter not have a good family - is that why she felt like a mistake? And for the other story, with the father of the two girls, did he ever look for them?

 

Also, I hope this show does a DNA test on people before they introduce them to their family. Some of their research seems a lot like throwing darts at a board and seeing where it lands. I thought it was odd that they went through all the trouble of doing a reverse family tree to find the mom, only to later discover a social media post with the birthdate and location listed. Seems like they could have looked there first. I think this show is highlighting how important it is for adoptees to get a DNA test. The more people who are tested, the more likely you are to find a match, even if it is a distant cousin. I was surprised when they found out the missing father was a community activity - I thought it was going to turn out that he wasn't actually their bio father, that maybe he just temporarily took care of them because of the role he had in the community.

 

I finally caught up on a few episodes I missed this weekend and saw the one with the couple who stayed together. I found the other story in that episode, the one with the biracial woman who had an African-American mother and white father to be somewhat odd. The daughter seemed rather cold and disinterested in her mother. And when her mom broke down and started telling her the circumstances of her birth, she seemed like she wanted to be someplace else. I wasn't sure if it just wasn't what she wanted to hear or what. But the mother seemed far more emotional at meeting her daughter than she did, which surprised me, since it was the daughter who initiated the search.

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I was thinking the reason they didn't get specific about Heidi's mom's circumstances of her pregnancy, might be because it was too painful, too personal and maybe agreed to talk about only off camera.

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Actually, I was surprised that the two daughters didn't find their father on their own. He was right there in their old community and apparently very popular. They had his name and he was still using it. Heck, they may have even found him with a Google search. He was a community activist. I'd google him now but forgot his name. Eduardo? Just a few hours passing out fliers in the old neighborhood would have probably done it. 

 

Actually, Maybe they weren't sure where they had lived and just recognized stuff after the host found the area and took them there. Hmm, I could have missed something.

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This show reminds me of how TLC used to be before stupid Kody Brown and the Duggar family. Both of those families make my IQ drop.

Edited by jacksgirl
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Overall I'm liking this show, but there is one thing that continually bugs me.  Whenever Lisa goes back to meet with the original person she says "We found him/her."  Whenever Chris goes back he always says "I found him/her."  We all know neither one did the work that it really took so Chris why don't you give the behind the scenes workers credit?!!!!

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Actually, I was surprised that the two daughters didn't find their father on their own. He was right there in their old community and apparently very popular. They had his name and he was still using it. Heck, they may have even found him with a Google search. He was a community activist. I'd google him now but forgot his name. Eduardo? Just a few hours passing out fliers in the old neighborhood would have probably done it. 

 

Actually, Maybe they weren't sure where they had lived and just recognized stuff after the host found the area and took them there. Hmm, I could have missed something.

 

I think the show made a point about how common his name was and that made their search harder but I'm thinking why wouldn't they start close to where they grew up?  That would certainly narrow it down quite a bit.  I'm presuming the girls didn't know anything about his activism and perhaps aren't too good at an internet search.  I found him in references to his activism in the 1970s, but I already knew he was an activist. I found what I think is him in a people search living in Manhattan not that far from where they grew up in about 2 minutes - One wonders why they couldn't have paid the $15 or so to do an online search like that.  I am continually amazed at how a lot of people just aren't good at research like this.

Edited by Snarklepuss

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I guess this week's theme was unspeakably horrible biological fathers. What a story Kris's mom Jeanette had! I must say that Kris took the news of her biological father being a kidnapper and rapist remarkably well. Thank goodness her mom was able to escape and go on to have a presumably happy and normal life. I don't blame Jeanette for giving up her baby for adoption, and obviously Kris didn't either. Wasn't there a mention of a two year old boy, which would have been Kris's older brother? What happened to him? Or did I misunderstand something?

Benjamin really, really wanted to meet his biological mom, to a somewhat disturbing degree, imo. He really had some high expectations of her and luckily she was able to meet them, from what I could tell. It was nice that both moms gave up their babies out of love, trying to protect them, and both babies went to good situations.

My dvr cut off while Benjamin and his mom were still talking. Can someone fill me in on the updates and how everything is going now?

Eta - thank you for your reply, Jadzia, and I could not agree more with your entire post. Kind of a strange episode overall, and somehow less satisfying than usual.

Edited by scootypuffjr
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I guess this week's theme was unspeakably horrible biological fathers. What a story Kris's mom Jeanette had! I must say that Kris took the news of her biological father being a kidnapper and rapist remarkably well. Thank goodness her mom was able to escape and go on to have a presumably happy and normal life. I don't blame Jeanette for giving up her baby for adoption, and obviously Kris didn't either. Wasn't there a mention of a two year old boy, which would have been Kris's older brother? What happened to him? Or did I misunderstand something?

Benjamin really, really wanted to meet his biological mom, to a somewhat disturbing degree, imo. He really had some high expectations of her and luckily she was able to meet them, from what I could tell. It was nice that both moms gave up their babies out of love, trying to protect them, and both babies went to good situations.

My dvr cut off while Benjamin and his mom were still talking. Can someone fill me in on the updates and how everything is going now?

 

I was thinking the same thing about Benjamin! He seemed very nice, but I could tell his bio mom almost felt uncomfortable by the way he kept saying "I love you" to her. I am sure she has those feelings buried, but it would be hard to suddenly be so affectionate with someone you just met. I think she needed time to warm up to him. Even when he started asking questions about his background, she told him he would get all the answers but not at once. I think she may have been more of a private person, so I can understand her wanting to save things for off-camera. The ending follow up just said something like "Benjamin's mom is happy to have her son back in her life. Benjamin hopes to meet his sister soon."

 

Speaking of sister, I almost wish that the sister was not there for the other reunion. I liked how they did it on another episode, where they let the adoptee/birth mother reunite first and then brought out the sibling later. I just think that is such an emotional event that it would be better if they have the chance to meet each other first. I felt a little awkwardness at that reunion, and I didn't think it was just because of the horrible circumstance of her birth. I just felt that the daughter deserved to have a few moments alone with her mother before meeting another sibling. This was their moment and I think it would be uncomfortable for the adoptee to have to share it with another sibling (who was not given up for adoption.) Even their follow-up sounded rather noncommittal.

 

I still cried at this episode but the reunions weren't as satisfying to me as they were in other episodes.

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The story of Kris's mom was tragic.  I wonder what happened to her son that was abducted with her.

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Benjamin seemed to have grown up in a huge family of adopted kids.  I get the feeling that while his childhood was basically good, he never felt a close bond with his adoptive parents.  That could be one reason he was so desperate to find his birth mom and have an instant close bond with her.  I felt sorry for him.  It looks like his birth mother is up to handling his neediness, though, which is heartwarming.

 

I too did not like the fact that the half sister came with Kris' mom.  I almost felt like she was there for "protection" or something.  Perhaps it was just for moral support, but I agree that their first few minutes should have been alone.

 

The fact that other family members are often not mentioned nor included in the show makes me wonder if they elect not to be on the show so they have to omit them completely.  I also wonder whether some of the stories aren't sanitized somewhat for public consumption and to bring another family member into the story would open a can of worms or put a completely different (and potentially negative) spin on things. 

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I'm really enjoying this show, but I'm thinking the most interesting part would be the "after."  I have no idea what it would feel like to be adopted, but it seems like some of these people (Benjamin, for example) really have an unrealistic view of parent/child relationships.  They can be difficult and messy, just like adoptive parent/child relationships.   I just hope there's some counseling available for these people or some help adjusting if needed. 

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This show kills me. I watched the British version on YouTube but I'm liking this one more. Everyone seems to just go for it with the emotions.

This week's episode with Jon and Joy was interesting to me because they both seemed desperate to be loved and for someone to hold on to them even when they make the wrong choices. I hope they can be that for each other, they both seemed to really need that comfort and reassurance.

The Rochester episode with the mother and daughter was weird. The daughter's face when she realized she knew her was very telling. She recovered quickly though. And the mother thinking the baby was Italian? What? There's absolutely more to this story. Something was amiss here.

My favorite was definitely the couple that stayed together and found their son. They were all so thrilled to be with each other! I loved that they both brought their families, I hope they grow close.

Edit: I'm a creep and I found a link featuring Jenny from the Rochester episode. Apparently the birth mom had another baby with a different black man a year later and gave him up as well. Now Jenny and the baby's aunt are looking for him. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B3HXnxfEDT4&feature=youtu.be

I felt like Jenny's story was missing a few pieces. Her bio-mom seemed shocked that Jenny was not white. The bio-mom seemed to imply that she had multiple partners around Jenny's conception.

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Overall I'm liking this show, but there is one thing that continually bugs me.  Whenever Lisa goes back to meet with the original person she says "We found him/her."  Whenever Chris goes back he always says "I found him/her."  We all know neither one did the work that it really took so Chris why don't you give the behind the scenes workers credit?!!!!

Chris did say this week "We found her."  

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I just discovered this show yesterday, literally, but I'm kind of digging it. I think the unsolved mystery element is what appeals to me (I always did love that show). I've only seen three episodes so far. I think cramming two different stories into the same hour short changes both of them a little but there is probably only so much these people want to reveal about themselves on TV.

 

Going forward it will be interesting to see if they do any stories where one side does not want to meet the other side of the relationship - because realistically that has to happen at some point. A child given up for adoption could be the result of some sort of tragedy the birth mother doesn't wish to revisit or an adopted child could feel like meeting their birth parent would be disloyal to the adopted parents who raised them.

 

Also - I saw another show a long time ago about a woman who was reunited with her birth mother, and while the reunion seemed like a happy one for both sides, the show went on to reveal that eventually the birth mother broke off contact, and this is apparently what happens a lot when birth parents and adopted children are reunited. So I think a lot of these "happily ever after" codas feel a little manufactured and superficial. But I guess "what happened next" would be a different show. 

 

If this show becomes popular enough though, maybe they'll start doing some follow-ups.

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I felt that Tom was desperately uncomfortable, and that his birth parents wanted more from him than he was prepared to give. I can't imagine the weight of expectations on the guy (kind of like Benjamin's birth mother last week). Tom seems like a very nice guy who has done well in life. I hope they all find the kind of peace they are looking for.

 

iMonrey, I agree that we're getting the "feel good" part, not the real work that will follow as these folks try and sort out their feelings and establish relationships. Some I feel pretty optimistic about--the dad who was looking for his daughter, for instance. I think they discovered each other at a time in their lives when they really needed the connection and they both really wanted it. I'm sure for others it will be more difficult. Tom's story reminded me of the book "Ithaka" by Sarah Saffian, a woman who was adopted and found by her birth parents, who had also stayed together, married and had more kids.

 

I enjoy the show but between the Ancestry ads built in and the long, long scenes with Lisa or Chris saying "your mother is right behind that door" "I've got some news. (five minute pause). We found her". "How do you feel? Nervous? Lets just stand here and talk about how you feel nervous for another ten minutes, ok?" are driving me insane. Get on with it!

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There was an uncomfortable feeling that I got between Tom and his birth parents.  I didn't get a feeling of his really wanting to be involved with them too much.

In an earlier episode with same situation, everyone seemed truly happy to reunite.  I guess not all of these stories can have happy endings and yes, they must come up with some that don't want to meet.

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My friend is a birth mother and she has been involved with search and reunion organizations for decades. These groups are lobbying state legislatures to revise the closed adoption laws, as the adoptees feel they have a civil right to some of the information (e.g., health info). My friend volunteers as a researcher.

In her experience, many of these reunions aren't as rosy as pictured on the show. It's tough to form new relationships, although some do manage it. Some adoptees feel rejected or like they don't belong anywhere. Some adoptive parents are threatened by the birth parents, and the adoptees defer to them. Some birth parents do not want to be found.

I hate the efforts by the hosts and production to turn the reunions into exaggerated melodrama. These people aren't circus performers.

Edited by pasdetrois
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It also strikes me, after having viewed a few more episodes, that the age of the internet has made it absurdly easy to track down birth parents and/or children given up for adoption. At least this show would have us believe it is so - all that is required is typing in a date of birth and place of birth into Ancestry.com and voila! A few phone calls later and they've tracked down the person they're searching for. Maybe only the easiest cases make it onto the show. They all seem to have stayed within walking distance of the place where they were born, too. I've yet to see anyone that moved to another country, for example.

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I found the vibe between Tom and his birth parents interesting as well.  It really struck me as odd and a bit thoughtless that in the letter the birth mom wrote to Tom, she called him Brent.  That really made me wonder about her expectations and motives for this reunion, especially having lost another child.  

Tom may just be a very reserved person emotionally, and maybe that's why this reunion came off a bit stilted, but he definitely seems like he wants to take it slow.  When he said he didn't know what their plans were for the evening but he hoped they could grab a beer, I don't know, just off somehow.  And then the dad saying something about they better have wine and the look the mom gave Tom...weird vibes.

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I finally caught up on a few episodes I missed this weekend and saw the one with the couple who stayed together. I found the other story in that episode, the one with the biracial woman who had an African-American mother and white father to be somewhat odd.

I just saw this episode and you're right, something was off. When the mother saw her daughter's picture she said "Hmm - she looks familiar." When the daughter saw her mother's picture she was like "OMG I know her!!" So it seemed to me that the daughter had more of an awareness of who her mother was than vice versa. 

Also felt there was something off about Brent/Tom. I noticed in the reunion scenes he had pierced ears but had removed his earrings. Don't know if that means anything so I will refrain from speculating further.

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The Internet has made it easier, in that you can do a lot of online "guessing" and narrowing down candidates. For example, census records can help you locate someone who lived in Chicago, was born within a year or two of a suspected date, and had a certain number of siblings. Then it's a matter of searching for current addresses and phone numbers and cold-calling all of them. In many states adoptees have the right to request their "non-identifying information," meaning their birth records with their birth parents' occupation, physical characteristics, etc., but no name.

But in most states the identifying information will not be released unless both birth parent and child register that they are open to being contacted. My friend paid an investigative agency to locate her birth son; she believes someone from the adoption agency sold the records to the investigator.

Edited by pasdetrois

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7 hours ago, tobeannounced said:

I found the vibe between Tom and his birth parents interesting as well.  It really struck me as odd and a bit thoughtless that in the letter the birth mom wrote to Tom, she called him Brent.  That really made me wonder about her expectations and motives for this reunion, especially having lost another child.  

Tom may just be a very reserved person emotionally, and maybe that's why this reunion came off a bit stilted, but he definitely seems like he wants to take it slow.  When he said he didn't know what their plans were for the evening but he hoped they could grab a beer, I don't know, just off somehow.  

I agree about her calling him Brent. I also thought it was wrong for her to sign it Mom. I got the impression that they, the birth parents wanted more out of this relationship than Tom. He seemed to have a happy life and probably considers his adoptive parents to be his true parents. I'm afraid his bio-parents might not understand that.

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The Rochester episode with the mother and daughter was weird. The daughter's face when she realized she knew her was very telling. She recovered quickly though. And the mother thinking the baby was Italian? What? There's absolutely more to this story. Something was amiss here.

Not exactly a big thing but what struck me is that the mom wore a pair of jeans with big holes in the knees to meet her daughter.  Wouldn't you want to, you know, tidy up just a bit for such an important occasion?

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Tonight's new episode - the man's story I swear I've seen on another program within the last five years.  The other show like this one from a few years ago, which I can''t remember the name of?  And now the circumstances of the woman's bio-parents ring a bell too.  

Someone help me!  Was this shown earlier in the season, and made "new" with the inserts done by the hosts (both of whom, it turns out, are also actors).  Is this show every bit as genuine as House Hunters?

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It seems like they were both on " The Locator" the same episodes ,  not redone pretending   to be new. I just do not understand   why they  are on this show not a rerun of " The Locator  ". 

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Why didn't the woman (forgot her name) go to New Mexico to see mom?  They whole time she is talking with her sister from Idaho I kept thinking "Well, you said her dad died but is mom alive?"  Then they showed the picture of them.  Maybe she didn't want the reunion filmed.

 

And if that is true that these stories were already on The Locator - grrrr.  I like The Locater better.

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I think it was the locator, I have seen both of them before. I liked the locator better also, but that was because I thought the host was cuter, yes I can be shallow.

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Why didn't the woman (forgot her name) go to New Mexico to see mom?  They whole time she is talking with her sister from Idaho I kept thinking "Well, you said her dad died but is mom alive?"  Then they showed the picture of them.  Maybe she didn't want the reunion filmed.

That was a weird one. I thought maybe I missed something and when she finally met her sister I kept waiting for her to say something about their mother. Nary a mention. 

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