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David T. Cole

Quotes: I Have Misplaced My Pants

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Appropriate for today, this one popped into my head:

 

Marge: "Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's?  He didn't even have a clock."

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Marge:  It must be wonderful to ring in the New Year over and over and over.

Waiter at TGI McScratchy’s:  Please kill me.

”We’ve got another jumper on the roof of TGI McScratchy’s.”

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(The children bounce up and down on a wild, fast, and unsafe school bus.)

Milhouse: It's like Speed 2, but on a bus!

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"You'll have to speak up.  I am wearing a towel"
After Homer rushes to answer his phone at work, wearing a towel, like he just got out of the shower. 

 

Not sure why I find that so funny, but I do

On ‎6‎/‎23‎/‎2017 at 8:27 PM, JTMacc99 said:

Homer, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?

"Hot stuff, coming through!"

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Skinner: "Mother put cardboard on her half of the TV again.  We rented Man Without a Face.  I didn't even know he had a problem!"

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While playing with their expensive new collie, "Laddie"...

 

Homer: "Oh yeah.  A dog like this you gotta feed every day."

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OMG, I just watched the Homer & Mindy "think unsexy thoughts" thirty seconds and can't stop giggling. The mental image he gets of Patty and Selma, foot on the toilet, cigarette in mouth, shaving their hairy legs... 

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“Attention Marge Simpson, your son has been arrested.”

“I’d be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy’s mother.”

”Attention Marge Simpson, we’ve also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.”

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Lisa (reading from a party invitation Homer wrote): "Come to Homer's BBBQ.  The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: "What's that extra B for?"

Homer: "That's a typo."

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Ms. Hoover (responding to Lisa’s report on Jebediah Springfield):

”This is nothing but dead white male bashing by a PC thug!”

Marge (cleaning out Maude Flanders’ closet):

Two pairs of shoes? Sheesh, someone had a fetish.”

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Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!

And then later, he raises his hand again in class and Ms. Hoover asks if it's going to be about his cat, so he puts his hand down.

(I've used Ralph's quote in real life when the situation arises, usually imitating his voice as I say it.)

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On 7/6/2018 at 7:57 PM, charmed1 said:

Ms. Hoover (responding to Lisa’s report on Jebediah Springfield):

”This is nothing but dead white male bashing by a PC thug!”

Later, while recounting this experience:

 

Lisa: "And then she called me a 'PC Thug'."

Homer: "I'm sorry honey.  I've been called a greasy thug too."

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From "Homer Bad Man"

Reporter: "Simpson scandal update!  Home sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him sexual powers!"

Homer: "Hey that's a half truth!"

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Homer (authoritatively): "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!"

Guy in bathroom stall: "That's a RIGHT triangle you idiot!"

Homer: "DOH!".

 

I love the pacing of this scene and how quickly and aggressively the random guy in the stall corrects him.

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I was thinking about this one today while watching football:

Lisa:  The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago. I was sitting on my Daddy's knee when the Saints, who were four and a half point favorites but only up by three, kicked a meaningless field goal at the last second to cover the spread.

Miss Hoover: Dear God!

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"My back is spineless. My belly is yellow. I am the American nonvoter."

"Mayor Quimby supports revolving-door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob: a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor."

Quimby: Who are you to demand anything? I run this town! You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!
Aide: Uh, election in November. Election in November.
Quimby: What? Again? This stupid country.

Homer: Are we gonna let politics get in the way of our friendship?
Ray Patterson: Friendship? You told people I lured children into my gingerbread house.
Homer: (chuckles) Yeah. That was just a lie.

Ray Patterson: I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed. Thank you. Bye.

Kent Brockman: Are you a registered voter?
Moe: I'm a registered... something.

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16 hours ago, Brandi Maxxxx said:

Ray Patterson: I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed. Thank you. Bye.

He's right. He ain't much on speeches.

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Lisa: “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the doctor? I mean, a drawbridge did close on your head.”

Homer: “Aw, no. I’ll just walk it off.”

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(The family is eating the dinner that Apu cooked for them):

Marge (hearing Lisa gasping): 'Lisa, is that too spicy for you?'

Lisa (staring, her eyes slightly unfocused, whispers)  : 'I can see through time.' 

Edited by BooksRule
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