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David T. Cole

Quotes: I Have Misplaced My Pants

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Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece

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Marge: "Sweetie, you could still go to McGill, the Harvard of Canada."

Lisa: "Mom, anyplace that's called the Something of Something isn't really the Anything of Anything."

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Happy Whacking Day to one and all.

"O whacking day, o whacking day,
Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.
We'll break their backs,
Gouge out their eyes,
Their evil hearts,
We'll pulverize.
O whacking day, o whacking day,
May God bestow His grace on thee."

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Homer: All right, to find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders. 
Homer's Brain: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o. And I wear the same stupid sweater every day... 
Homer: [gasp!] The Springfield River!

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Sideshow Bob: Rakes, my old arch-enemy!

Bart: I thought I was your arch-enemy.

Sideshow Bob: I have a life outside of you, Bart.

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Pilot: Now, flying a helicopter is serious and hard work that isn't cut out for everyone.

Barney: I have a coupon.

Pilot: Right this way!

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Told the boyfriend (a hockey fan)after work today that I only knew who Gordie Howe was because of Bart the Lover. RIP, good sir. 

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I'm marathonning the show and just reached season 17's The Italian Bob. I think I'm going to leave this here without comment:

"Dad, don't act like Mussolini."

"Huh? I thought I was doing Donald Trump."

ACTUAL LINE.

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Kang: Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. 

 

Krusty: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!

 

Moleman: I was saying Boo-urns. 

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On 6/26/2016 at 3:04 AM, exodia said:

Krusty: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!

One of my very favorite Krusty moments from back when we still learning about the characters.

It's like when Apu gave Homer (dressed as Krusty) a discount and explained: 

How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year? [quietly] Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of "Gigantic Asses".

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Bart: Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore.

Sideshow Bob: Very well, Bart. I shall send you to heaven before I send you to hell.

 

Sideshow Bob: Who is that? Why, it's Bart Simpson. Hello, Bart!

[Bart hides behind a bush]

Sideshow Bob: He's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times.

 

Sideshow Bob: Simpsons, I beg of you, please don't destroy the new life I've created here! Surely even the most heinous criminal deserves a seventh chance.

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Homer in Mr Smith: "I second that motion, with a vengeance!"
Mel Gibson as Mr Smith: "All in favor, say die."

Executive #1: "You chopped off the President's head."
Mel Gibson: "Bet you didn't see that coming."
Executive #2: "You impaled a United States Senator with the American flag."
Executive #3: "Why did Mr Smith kill everybody?"
Homer: "It was symbolism.  He was mad."

Edited by Jediknight
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With regards to the quote in the title of this thread, my Sixth Grader uses it frequently.  Like, he used it this morning when he walked out of the bathroom in just his underwear.  

I'm so proud.

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Alien: We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions a hundred times greater than what you call love. And a thousand times greater than what you call fun. You would have been treated like gods and lived forever in beauty. But, now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never be.

Marge: [aside] Mmmm. For a superior race, they really rub it in.

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So I just got a joke that somehow went over my head for the last twenty years.

From the clip show:

Lisa: "Like Halloween and Christmas, April Fools day traces its origins to pagan ritual."

Homer: "God bless those pagans."

 

Me, from the other room, "Hey... HOW HAVE I NEVER GOT THAT JOKE BEFORE?"  

Edited by JTMacc99
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Pilot: "Anything for a fellow Marine."

Homer: "Semper fudge."

Pilot: "Did you say 'Semper fudge'?"

Homer: "No, I said the right thing."

* * *

Marge: "Homie, what are you doing? You don't know how to fly a plane!"

Homer: "I drove a car over a cliff once; how different could it be?"

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Homer: "How dare you torture my children with Mozart!"

Sideshow Bob: "You know Mozart?"

Homer: "I call all music Mozart!"

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Lisa: Wow, Mom, you're like Christopher Columbus.  You discovered something millions of people already knew about.

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Homer: "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

Marge: "You haven't said you were sorry!"

Homer: "I was hoping the number might be zero."

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[At the dog track, Santa's Little Helper takes a shine to She's the Fastest, one of the dogs in the race. The two dogs have sex on the track while the race continues around them, and lie contentedly together afterwards.]

Homer: Awwww, so that's what's been wrong with the little fellow. He misses casual sex!

Lisa: Can we keep Santa's girlfriend, Mom?

Bart: Please?

Marge: But she's not our dog.

[The Rich Texan appears and hands Marge a dog leash.]

Rich Texan: She's yours now! Once they fall in love, they lose their racing spirit.

Marge: Won't you miss her loyalty and companionship?

Rich Texan: [guffawing] Lady, you're all right!

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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Grampa:  I’d just used [my washtub] to wash my turkey, which in those days was called a walking bird.  We’d always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, with ALL the trimmings.  

And this all-time top-10 quote (at least it is for me):

Homer:  It was the best Thanksgiving ever!  I mean, emotionally, it was terrible.  But the turkey was so moist.

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On 11/23/2017 at 3:29 PM, Peace 47 said:

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Grampa:  I’d just used [my washtub] to wash my turkey, which in those days was called a walking bird.  We’d always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, with ALL the trimmings.  

And this all-time top-10 quote (at least it is for me):

Homer:  It was the best Thanksgiving ever!  I mean, emotionally, it was terrible.  But the turkey was so moist.

Cranberries, ''injun eyes,'' and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called ''baseball. :D

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Homer: People here just do not respect boundaries.

Ned: Homer did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

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Marge: I never should have bought those North Korean fortune cookies.  "You are a coward."  No-one wants to hear that after a nice meal.

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Grandpa: "...which was the style at the time," from "Last Exit to Springfield."

Actually, that episode has a number of great quotes.

Edited by SmithW6079
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I think from the same part of the same episode as above:

 

Grandpa: In those days, nickels had pictures of bumble bees on them.  "Gimme five bees for a quarter!" you'd say.

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Not so much a great quote as one of my favorite bits of animation with great voice work: Bart and Lisa (from Lisa on Ice) do the thing upstairs where Bart starts swinging his arms and says, "if you get hurt, it's your own fault" and Lisa starts kicking her leg and says the same thing. As they actually start fighting, Marge is taking a pie out of the oven and before leaving to break up the fight, she says, "Now Homer, don't eat this pie..."

Homer then says, "Okay Pie, I'm just going to do this [closes his eyes and makes a biting motion with his head and mouth], and if you get eaten, it's your own fault." Then he does it about 4 or 5 times walking towards the oven when he bashes his head into the range hood, leaving a massive dent in it. He loudly says, "OW! AH! Oh my... Oh the hell with it" and grabs the pie and starts eating it.

Heh.

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I say "Mindy has a motorcycle" all the time. 

Pretty much any situation where I find myself thinking about a person I'm infatuated with, or anytime anybody just starts talking about something only that person cares about when the rest of the conversation had nothing to do with it.

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A little late, but in the spirit of the season:

Bart: Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Speaking of Santa, I really enjoy that gag from the “Flying Hellfish” episode where Mr. Burns accidentally goes crashing through the wall of Lisa’s bedroom on a utility truck bucket in the middle of the night, apologizes  to her (offscreen) and all we hear is Lisa’s disoriented, “Santa?” in response.

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Homer: Your conscience?! Lisa, don't let that pushy little weenie tell you what to do.

For Canadians, MuchMusic is playing a best of Simpsons marathon. A lot of classics!

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