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Tara Ariano

S04.E05: At The First Clear Word

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Of course Bay didn't think of the possibility of rape until Regina brought it up. As a society we teach girls that it is their responsibility to keep penises (penii?) out of their vaginas. Don't get drunk, don't dress scantily, don't walk alone at night, etc.

We paint this picture of dangerous strangers lurking in every shadow, but not until pretty recently did anyone ever warn girls that rapists could be someone who gains your trust and then abuse it. They could be pillars of the community and people who "seem nice". If anything, that's the most common modus operandi for rapists, not random attacks on strangers.

So what happens when girls get raped by someone they know? They think "but I wasn't attacked by a boogeyman jumping out of a bush, so it couldn't have been rape. He can't be a rapist, he's my friend! Maybe something is wrong with me, maybe I was sending the wrong signals."

But "sending the wrong signals" isn't a crime. Rape is.

Maybe people don't have the best judgement when they're impaired, but this bad judgement is reinforced by common ideas like "people have drunk sex all the time" and "one thing leads to another". Far too many people think these ideas are completely okay. Maybe that needs to change. Here's an idea for people who are afraid of being accused of rape: don't have sex with people who are wasted. Drink in moderation to help with the whole "not having sex with people who are wasted" thing.

Hey, these are much simpler rules than the long list of "rules for not getting raped" that girls still have to live with. As a side bonus you won't be the guy who passed out in the commons room and had a penis drawn on his face.

Tank's reaction to Bay having a problem with what happened was basically "don't go blaming me because you got all wasted and slutty". Real nice. Look at the way he answered her "Did I say yes?" question. "Seemed into it" is not the same as any sort of "yes", and he knows it, and that's when he really starts to realize he effed up big time so he starts making counter-accusations "you're crazy!"

Bay didn't even have her mind made up that it was rape. When Regina was so sure the situation Bay described was rape, Bay said "I don't know that I agree with you". She doesn't want to think of herself as a rape victim, she doesn't want to think of her friend as a rapist. She knows these things are huge life changers. Like someone else already mentioned, when she cheated before, she owned up to it. Bay is not the kind of person who lets someone else take the fall to avoid paying for her own mistakes.

It's common knowledge that women who accuse someone of rape don't have an easy time, anyway. Every bit of their sexual history would be scrutinized to discredit them. If a woman cheated and want to hide this? The last thing she would do is throw rape accusations around.

I agree with you as far as not getting wasted and drinking in moderation. So then in this case Bay should take this as a lesson learned to not get so wasted that she blacks out and can't remember who she had sex with. Again, why is it just the males responsibility? Each of us has to be responsible for how much we drink and not rely on someone else to "take care" of us. If Tank had been sober then it would be a different story, but what has been shown to us so far seems like drunk sex, which isn't rape.

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So then in this case Bay should take this as a lesson learned to not get so wasted that she blacks out and can't remember who she had sex with. Again, why is it just the males responsibility? Each of us has to be responsible for how much we drink and not rely on someone else to "take care" of us.

 

To quote one snarky reply I read yesterday: "Men are supposed to be aware of the situation, tuned in to the woman's needs, her state of sobriety, cautious, attentive to non-verbal signals, and ready to politely withdraw at even a hint of crumbling consent. Meanwhile women can be drunk, behave irresponsibly, can willingly and wildly engage in sex, then the next day decide that it wasn't really consensual because of her condition the night before. The result can be a man's loss of freedom for many years, loss of opportunity to finish college, a lifetime of being labeled a rapist, and limited employment opportunities for the rest of his life."

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There are many, many long lists of "don't get raped" rules for "females" that has been around for ages. "Always be aware of your surroundings" is like rule #1 (so "don't get wasted" almost goes without saying, except that's also on the list). There's also "don't take your eyes off your drink, someone could slip a roofie in there" and some would even go as far as to say "don't take any drinks from anyone at all, trust no one". It's an extensive list that gets longer all the time.

 

So as things stand, society hardly makes it the "male's responsibility". Anyone who dares suggest dudes follow a short list of "avoid becoming rapists" rules gets a whole lot of incredulous reactions. "I can't jump on any drunk chicks? And not the ones that are high either? I can't get impaired myself and use that as an excuse? That's too hard! How am I gonna get laid? You mean I gotta talk to women while at least somewhat sober and pay attention to things like what she is saying? I can't just fantasize about what I want her to be doing? No way!"

 

Hey, at least the dudes' list of rules only revolves around what happens when actually interacting with women. Before a woman so much as head out the door, she has to worry about whether her clothes are too sexy, whether her hair is too easy to grab, whether she has a weapon in her purse...

 

Facts are, an awful lot of rapes go unreported; and of the ones that get reported, a miniscue amount get a conviction. And no wonder, because the defense will discredit the accuser with anything they can get. Who wants to go through that? But everytime someone wants to do something about it, make some kind of change to the system, there sure is a great many voices shouting them down with this fanciful notion that women go around falsely accusing people of rape at the slightest provocation or maybe just for the hell of it.

 

Bay never even accused Tank of rape, only that she feels like something wasn't okay, and she's already getting jumped on for "acting like Tank raped her". Yes, can't let the wimminfolk get any ideas about something maybe not being okay, gotta nip that right in the bud by calling them crazy. Too bad these days the wimminfolk can't be committed to an institution for "hysteria" and shocked in the head until docile. Those were the days.

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Too bad these days the wimminfolk can't be committed to an institution for "hysteria" and shocked in the head until docile. Those were the days.

 

It was originally thought that "hysteria" was caused by the womb shifting around a woman's body. The recommended cure was frequent sexual intercourse to "anchor" the womb in place.

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I had originally assumed the chem professor was giving the girls invites to an all-female honor society or something like that, like Sigma Alpha Iota for music, and that the tension would be because Daphne was so much less qualified than the other first year females in her class. They touched on her getting different treatment due to being deaf, but I think they could have gone much farther if she was getting into something as a diversity admit or so the new deaf college on campus was represented.

As far as the actual activities, my DD did both a report on an element and made ice cream using liquid nitrogen-in an elementary school science enrichment program.

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