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Favorite Quotes: "I Don't Know What to Say So I'm Just Whispering"

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Okay I guess it's because I'm Canadian.  Apparently it expanded to us in 2010 which is why it took until now for some of us to use it and took me like a year of me pushing it on my parents for them to accept the plan.  Which is why you guys are addressing me as a Netflix luddite 

14 hours ago, scrb said:

Even if it's not exact about the mechanics of how Netflix works, the idea is fine, that Jonah isn't completely grown up or independent.

I guess I just don't see it being related to independence coming from a family where a lot of money is shared and 1 account is so cheap anyways and is meant to be shared.  Maybe I am not independent because I haven't thrown my parents off my account and given the password to some sexy guys I've met or something ;)

Edited by Ms Blue Jay

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Marjorie: I'm sorry to be so hysterical, but we have a situation. Catherine's on bed rest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix.
Selina: Well why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?
Marjorie: Before you ask, we have taken a break from sex, specifically penetrative sex.
Jaffar: She has a penis?
Selina: I don't know.

Jaffar: "A Woman First, First Woman." You'd get murdered in my country for saying something like that.

Amy: You are confirmed for tomorrow night for the Tonight Show to kick off the book tour.
Richard: Which again is tomorrow night, not tonight, despite the title. And you're doing the Today Show one week from yesterday.

Marjorie: It's Catherine's uterine tea.
Catherine: It's a broth of red raspberry leaf, black haw, and false unicorn root.
Selina: I hope that's going in your mouth. What ever happened to half a bottle of red wine and three Virginia Slims?

Selina: I'm not on bed rest. My cervix is as tight as a snare drum.

Amy: I'm not mentioned in the book until page 134. I once dry shaved that woman's legs under her desk during a cabinet meeting.
Mike: I'm not in there until 213 and I wrote the book.
Gary: Oooh, page 93, suckas! "As Gary poured my tea, I realized the hostages blah blah blah."
Amy: What about you, Richard? Did you make the book?
Richard: Just the dedication.

Jonah: This office sucks my nard!
Kent: Punishment from Congressman Furlong and the Speaker and the President - an astonishing bipartisan agreement.

Kent: Some interesting reading arrived.
Jonah: There's no such thing.

Jonah: Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not in [Selina's book]. I ruined her administration like four times. You'd think that would count for something.

Shawnie: The shutdown really hurt you in Massachusetts' anus.
Kent: AKA New Hampshire.

Amy: It's kind of like the wave in The Perfect Storm except in this case the wave is made out of shit and our boat is also made out of shit.

Mike: "Ignoring the advice of experienced staffers, Meyer instead sought the counsel of a high school drop out, her personal trainer and lover Ray Wayland."
Selina: He had a GED!

Selina: This isn't an article! This is a gang bang on a pinball machine! Who despises me like this?
Amy: Well, there's President Montez, Tom James, Danny Chung, Maddox.
Mike: The White House maids, the stewards.
Richard: White working class voters.
Gary: Nobody! Everybody loves you!

Selina; What have you and your 47 tangled chromosomes done?!
Mike: I'm sorry, ma'am. I should have gotten a diary with a little lock on it but I didn't want to lock myself out.
Selina: How long have you known about this?
Amy: Since Alabama, but to be fair, we thought we were on top of it.
Selina: Oh, really? Well now it's on top of you, it's knocked your teeth out, and it's making sweet love to your face!
Mike: We don't know my diary is the source.
Richard: There are scans of it on the WaPo website. It's crystal clear.

Furlong: Who the fuck invited Dikembe Mutombtard? Little word of advice, congressman - don't wear the shorts. Even Kobe Bryant wouldn't rape you in those things. Oh, lookie here, we got old Jesus with the cameltoe and his child molester goggles and the handband, of course, because you don't want the sweat getting in your eyes when you're choking him out afterward.

Furlong: Will, take the ball. And tell him why.
Will: Balls are the only thing keeping me from choking on cocks. Without balls, I'd be swallowing dicks whole, just like Joey Chestnut.

Jonah: You're fired.
Kent: YES!

Selina: You sound like the world's gayest AM radio show.

Leon: We have been sued by better terrible Presidents than you.
Mike: Name one.

Amy: Dipshit Mike and his shit dip diary. "Amy committed perjury today" written in crayon and mustard stains.

Dan: I thought about teaching high school but girls these days just can't keep a secret.

Selina: The history books are being rewritten and this time it's not Texas saying, "Satan made fossils."

Amy: Montez is not going to be happy about this.
Selina: It's going to put a real turd in her chalupa.
Mike: Ooh, let's get Mexican for lunch.

Kent: I've been fired three times in my life - from the U.S. Postal Service office of investigations, by the Seattle Seahawks, and by Jonah Ryan. I cried each time. This time it was tears of joy.

Dan: This could be an opportunity. I might get my teeth rewhitened.

Ben: The three Meyer-sketeers.

Jonah: Am I Jewish?
Doctor: Your circumcision was a success, Mr. Ryan. If you notice any swelling, let me know. And no erections for six weeks.
Jonah: I don't know how I'm not going to get hard when I'm talking about my hog with some hot shiska nurse.
Doctor: I'm your doctor and it's shiksa.
Jonah: I'm pretty sure it's shiska.

Shawnie: At least your dick won't smell like donkey pussy anymore.
Jonah: I told you that was expired lube!

Uncle Jeff: Wishes belong in the bottom of a well with unwanted girl children.

Uncle Jeff: [I'm thanking you] for shitting the urinal so badly you made the Hindenberg look like a normal on-time blimp landing.

Uncle Jeff: Shut the fuck up, you epileptic Picasso painting!

Uncle Jeff: I am pulling this creature from the jizz lagoon right off the New Hampshire congressional ballot and replacing him with his cousin Ezra. Ezra has more raw political talent in the tip of his rosy pecker than you have in this mangled abortion coat hanger you should be ashamed to call your body. The people of New Hampshire are going to be so grateful to me, I'm going to be like a disability check wrapped around a pack of no filter cigarettes.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Selina: From the heady days of our third place finish in Iowa, we fought together for the dream of becoming the first woman president. But tonight the voters of Illinois, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, Florida, Texas, and the territory of Guam have said otherwise.
Mike: I really thought we were going to win Guam.

Jonah: What are you even doing here?
Richard: Well, your mom said that you could use Splett pep so I brought you this.
[Jonah opens an empty box]
Richard: The box is empty to show that all you really need to be happy is right here.
[Richard touches his heart]
Jonah: Well that's stupid.

Mike: The [Washington Post] editors think [Leon]'s lost all sense of objectivity - and he's eating Luna Bars for women.

Selina: Marjorie, what do you think?
Marjorie: Looks like a vagina, ma'am.
Selina: That's from an expert.
Gary: I'm not seeing that.
Selina: Well you don't have any frame of reference.
Gary; What if you trim the topiary around the edge? That could help.
Selina: Nobody's going to trim the topiary. I'm not a porn star.
Gary: You could be! But you chose politics.
Selina: What is this? The clitoris? You know what would be funny? We should put the men's bathroom there. They'll never find it.
Marjorie: Actually, ma'am, the female pleasure center is quite extensive.
Selina: Uh, no, it's not.

Mike: What if we put up a very sensitive exhibit that talks about slavery and honors the men and women who suffered there?
Selina: That's an excellent idea, Mike,  but I'm not going to have my vagibrary underground railroaded by this.

Selina: What room is this, Catherine? When did we build an Indian casino gift shop?
Catherine: It's the nursery.
Selina: Seriously? Well, where are the toys? Or is the baby going to play chess against death?

Selina; You want to talk about second class citizens? Blacks got the vote in 1870. When did women get the vote? 1920!
Gary: Sistas!
Richard: The Voting Rights Act was in 1965.

Catherine: You are going to be the grandmother of a child that is half black.
Richard: And one sixteenth French Huguenot.
Selina: I cannot stand that terminology.
Marjorie: Ma'am, the nomenclature's moved away from African-American. It is black.
Selina: No, I am talking about grandmother.

Selina: I am not going to buried in a twat of my own making!

Selina: You and I both know that Hughes would never do this if I was a male VP. We'd be out shot gunning beers and sucking each other off like Carter and Mondale.

Ben: Ma'am, you need to understand - the president doesn't actually want you to do anything other than continue to be a woman which you're doing a pretty okay job at. I'll let you walk the rest of the way. I'm trying to cut down on exercise.

Ben: I have two things for you to do. They're important. Can you handle it?
Jonah: Of course. Yes, absolutely.
Ben: One - get the fuck away from me. Two - stay the fuck away from me. Can you do that?
Jonah: Yes, sir. I won't let you down.
Ben: God, I love interns.

Tanz: There's a simple and easy solution to the homeless problem - pass mandatory sentencing laws for vagrancy. Then these unfortunates will finally have a home - my prisons.
Furlong: Look, I hate the homeless as much as any librarian. That's why God created subzero winters and the third rail but chances of me pushing for any tax incentives for these private hoosegaws is about as likely as what, Will?
Will: As me walking out of a bar with less than ten types of semen in my hair.

Furlong: Holy shit, I can't believe you're actually showing that camel snatch you call a face in DC. You're about as welcome here as Jerry Sandusky at an open call for Oliver!
Tanz: You want a dried apricot? They're Turkish. Anything I can do to annoy the Armenians.
Will: Hey, Jonah, can we get lunch sometime? I want to talk to you about being the legal guardian to my baby if anything happens to me or Mary.

Jonah: Sir, I will do anything you say!
Tanz: I know, that's what I love about you. It's like that fagola cowboy movie. I can't quit you.
Jonah: Yes, thank you, sir! Butch and Sundance.
Tanz: Now is not the time to go putzing after representatives, congressmen. From now on I'm only buying senators and presidents. That's the way to affect meaningful change.

Mrs. Neufeld: How does $25,000 sound?
Selina: Why don't you put your money where your mouth was - IS - and add another zero?

Danny: Ready for change, ready for Chung. Ready for chunge.

Yale president: If it were up to me, we'd be putting up drywall on your vagina building today.

Yale president: If you're trying to get out of town, don't take High Street. The KKK - that's the Kool Kweers of Kolor - is having a pee-in in front of Skull and Bones.

Selina: Yale pulled out without even coming on my tits. Things sure have changed since I went to college.

[Selina in labor with Catherine]
Selina: I wish I'd let you do anal. It would have hurt less than this.

Nurse Sandra: Will you be nursing?
Selina: No, I'm not a goat.
Andrew: Those are for daddy.

Selina: What are we calling him? Aluminum? Tenafly? Ribbon?

Amy: Last night I dreamt that I removed Leon West's balls with an ice cream scoop and I think I actually came.
Selina: Is everything always ice cream with you?

Selina: Team Meyer! Second time's the charm!
Kent: It's actually the fourth.

Selina: Jaffar, you are so sophisticated and your grasp of geopolitics is just - and those are assets anywhere in the world except the United States. And most of Europe. Except for Germany. You know, because they overcorrect.

Leon: Ma'am, here's your speech.
Selina: Thank you, Leon. Look at this - there are no typos, there are no food stains, you spelled Meyer right.
Leon: Well, I am a grown man.

Amy: Will you stop being exactly like yourself? You're fucking ruining this.
Dan: Ruining what?
Amy: Remember a few months ago after you got fired and we had drinks with Ben?
Dan: Yeah, we had a lot of drinks.
Amy: Yeah, well, I'm pregnant and it's yours.
Dan: FUCK.

Jonah: Washington insiders - they didn't like me very much, so let's send them a message by shoving the guy they hate the most right back in their faces. I am announcing my exploratory committee for the presidency of the United States of America which basically means I'm definitely running. God bless New Hampshire. God bless the United States of America - and Puerto Rico if they can vote for president. And God bless Jonah Ryan.

Mike: Three branches of government - judiciary, legislative, and...there's a third. If you want to know something about government, watch this film Air Force One. It's a good movie. Shows you what a president can do.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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