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S06.E03: Rough Landings

Ashley and Jay land in America; Steven and Olga prepare for the baby's arrival; Larissa meets her new roommate, Colt's mom; Fernanda has a talk with John's friend; Leida's sister Reina questions Leida's future with Eric; Asuelu meets Kalani's dad.

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In case you don’t want to bother googling, 9,000 rubles is $136. And was that a doll’s car seat that Olga’s guy (I forgot his name) was carrying through Russian Walmart?  That thing was oddly small.

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Just now, jennyf said:

was that a doll’s car seat that Olga’s guy (I forgot his name) was carrying through Russian Walmart?  That thing was oddly small.

I think it was a bath seat. 

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I thought Coltee and his mother was the height of codependency.  Kalani, Kolini, and Low are enmeshed.  Kolini seems to think she should be Oliver's daddy.  Yikes.

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1 minute ago, Jeanclaudvanbuns said:

Coltie's moobs are so biggie. I love Larissa's cute English. 

Yes. Losing weight is hard. Good for him. 

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Kalani’s family members are bad.

Colt’s choice for a wife is bad.

I no longer like the Jamaican guy, he’s bad.

Eric is doomed. Does he have all his teeth? 

The Russian and blonde guy are the only ones I like at this point. 

And my likes and dislikes change every time I watch this shitshow. 

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1 minute ago, iwasish said:

Join the club, her virginity was long gone before Ansuelu entered the picture  her vagina. 

Whew! I thought I was the only one thinking Kelani has lost her virginity several times over.

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Wealthy Leida doesn’t get any child support because she can’t figure out which teen on GAP year knocked her up. In America, you pay child support.  Don’t like it.  Scam a guy with no kids.

 

Larissa got us the answer on the Slot Machine. wooo!  She needs to be nice.  We know her ass has nothing back in Brazil but a flea infested bed at her place of employment....a Brazilian brothel! 

 

Kalani- Another episode and mom was still taking care of baby Oliver and Kalani never went to work.

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I really dislike Larissa but I laughed at her fat shaming poor “Cookie Dookie” the cat. That was hilarious.

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I'm surprised Coltie doesn't call Debbie mother. Poor Asuelo, he seems so sweet and innocent and with a good heart. Not a fan of Olga and sleezy Steve, so boring.  

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3 minutes ago, Dance4Life said:

Larissa got us the answer on the Slot Machine. wooo!

Coltee, biggee..  I'm disappointed that she didn't call it the Slottee Machine.

Anywho, Colt's dad must've been the most romantic enabler that ever was. 

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18 minutes ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

As for Larissa, she is my least favorite. Mom and Coltee are weird as fuck, but Debbie did seem genuinely happy to meet her.  She repays the woman by insulting her car, city, home, cooking, and memory of her late husband.  Way to go bitch!  I’d send her and her ginormous gums packing. 

Yes!  No doubt Coltee and Mom have a super weird relationship, on the other hand, I also thought Mom was being very gracious to Larissa. She told her she removed some furniture so that Larissa could decorate any way she wanted (except for the slot machine, of course). That was very sweet of her to want to that for Coltee's bride to be. She was making an effort to adapt to the new life Coltee was thrusting upon her in her own house. She made dinner for them, why couldn't Larissa shut up and show some appreciation and eat the damn dinner? Seeing Mamma Coltee crying was sad. I hope she opens her eyes and finds a happy life for herself. 

Edited by bichonblitz.
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4 minutes ago, Drogo said:

Coltee, biggee..  I'm disappointed that she didn't call it the Slottee Machine.

Anywho, Colt's dad must've been the most romantic enabler that ever was. 

The Slottee machine is between her legs.

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5 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

She was making an effort to adapt to the new life Coltee was thrusting upon her in her own house. 

Instead of getting up and  making breakfast, while Coltee was thrusting upon Larissa, she waited to be invited to join them for the post-coital repast. I thought that was quite nice of her.

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If that fat cat sleeps on Colt’s bed it has at one time or other been an Ookie Cookie.

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Big pile of hair lol.  Kalini is Cousin It?

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Demmit,  I fell asleep!

Mother Colt has no furniture in order to let Larissa decorate? Yeah,  no.  Dolt is,  as he and we have established, cheap! But MC has her hankie at the ready,  because  "there's no future here for them!" Sonny has the mild voice of a serial killer. 

Russian Baby Mama Olga resembles Anfisa, but with smaller facial features. Little Steven Not Van Zant seems like his heart is in the right place. 

Jonathan's Friend is a fast-talking Beeyotch. Don't confide in her, Fernanda!

I finally figured out what is off-kilter to me about Asuelu the Innocent: his eyes.  Sometimes it's like they "roll" by themselves, or stay "here" when his face moves "there." Also,  he IS too young! In general, Asuelu  is  a major fish out of water. Don't cry, Asuelu! You are too kind for our world!

Could Eric the Old and Poor have at least washed and combed his hair to greet "the in-laws"?

Seems like a common problem for the guests is the American cars! Need AC,  need heat,  and need not to go over curbs!

One final observation:

Nobody puts Babygirl in a closet!

Edited by LennieBriscoe.
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Alas, I am akin to Auselo I've been living innocently on a happy island of gentle breezes in my windowless FBI lab where I do not get why "skinnz" refers to numbers of sexual conquests. Lil' help? 

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8 hours ago, Drogo said:

Sorry Debbie, but Coltie's new favorite breakfast food is vagina.

The breakfast of champions.

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7 hours ago, Jeanclaudvanbuns said:

I'm surprised Coltie doesn't call Debbie mother. Poor Asuelo, he seems so sweet and innocent and with a good heart. Not a fan of Olga and sleezy Steve, so boring.  

But Coltie does call her "mother."

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Though I still think they're creepy this episode had me feeling bad for Mother and Norman  Colt. The slot machine is a bit tacky sitting on its own but with the right decor it could actually look fun and add whimsy to a room.  Larissa is awful. She's a new guest in someone's home and couldnt even wait a day to offer her shitty opinion. That flag couldn't be redder if it tried.

Asuelo seems too sweet for this bunch who will never ever think he's good enough for the virgin mother Kaloni. He should run back to SamWAH as fast as he can. 

Edited by Stacee.
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1 hour ago, Alonzo Mosely FBI said:

Alas, I am akin to Auselo I've been living innocently on a happy island of gentle breezes in my windowless FBI lab where I do not get why "skinnz" refers to numbers of sexual conquests. Lil' help? 

 My guess is that it refers to the number of times he’s “broken a Hymen.”

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I need to see what mansion queen Larissa lived in before coming to America.

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If parents Leida are so loaded, then why wouldn't they and Leida do with many rich people from other countries do and invest in purchasing a place for Leida to live? Why is leida so bent out of shape about what amounts to a few hundred dollars a month in CS if she is rolling in dough? It really bugs me that someone so rich and successful doesn't bring any assets to the table and expects to be taken care of financially? After all isn't she an actress, model slash doctor? 

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9 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

 Mom and Coltee are weird as fuck, but Debbie did seem genuinely happy to meet her.  She repays the woman by insulting her car, city, home, cooking, and memory of her late husband.  Way to go bitch!  I’d send her and her ginormous gums packing. 

 

I'm sorry I have to disagree with you.  In my opinion Mommy Dolt was ready to protect her territory, her man (Dolt) and her place in that home.  Clearly, she has issues.

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1 hour ago, Kangatush said:

Thus far I like 4 people on the show.  This seems high, given past experiences, I'll have to wait and see.

 

This season the number of people who seem genuine is alarmingly disproportionate to those who seem nefarious.   The whole show could go to hell if most of them are likeable and well-adjusted.

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9 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

RAD

??

8 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

Miss Escaped Mental Patient Indonesia 2009

LOL

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Kalani intrigues me.  She acts like she is 16, and her family treats her that way.  Does this woman have a job and live on her own?  She seems very dependent on her family.

I'm not a fan of the decor in Colt's house either.  Large snowmen and slot machines don't do it for me. But it was nothing short of rude and tacky for Larissa to say that a few minutes after walking in the door.  She must really need a green card and Colt must really need sex.

Leida is fast becoming one of my least favorite people to appear on this show.  It seems like in Indonesia, Alessandro was raised by a nanny, Leida's sister, and Leida's parents...in other words, everyone but Leida.  I vote to keep her in the states married to Mr. Eyebags and send Alessandro back to Jakarta with the family who loves him!

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They should retitle this show to "how much shit will foreigners put up with to get a green card?"

Enter Larissa who is all in to be in the US. Otherwise she would have left the moment Coltee picked her up in the no ac car and brought her home to mother. What crap won't she take? I suppose we are going to find out. 

I think Fernanda thinks she loves bro dude, but she is just young and stupid. She needs to go home to her family and friends. 

I still haven't figured out Leida's game. Surely she can't love baggy eyes. 

Olga wants a better life for she and her child. Unfortunately she hooked up with what is probably the worst candidate for security and a better life. 

I think Asuelo wants to do the the right thing, but I think he would have been just as happy of Kalani came to live with him in Samwa. I feel sorry for him. His life will be never-ending shit from her family and she in incapable or unwilling to draw the line with them.

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20 minutes ago, Cementhead said:

.  . .  the saddest looking philly cheese steak sandwich there ever was to be divided ripped-torn-shredded between 4 people WITH THEIR HANDS (!!!)  I was with Leida on that one.  Gurl, I don't like to get my hands all dirty and messy with food either, so you do you, girlfriend.  What are we, ANIMALS?

I just saw the cheesesteak scene for the first time last night.  Here's my question:  There were THREE adults at that table, two of whom appeared to be unhappy about pulling off chunks of the sandwich to eat.  Couldn't they look around and see that plastic forks, knives and paper plates were being used by other people around them?  There are - in Jakarta - food courts in shopping malls . . . and "rich" people there would certainly know where they are.

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15 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

If parents Leida are so loaded, then why wouldn't they and Leida do with many rich people from other countries do and invest in purchasing a place for Leida to live? Why is leida so bent out of shape about what amounts to a few hundred dollars a month in CS if she is rolling in dough? It really bugs me that someone so rich and successful doesn't bring any assets to the table and expects to be taken care of financially? After all isn't she an actress, model slash doctor? 

1000% @poeticlicensed! 1000%.

I'm laughing at the cheesesteak scene, no napkins, no drinks (not even a large coke with 4 straws), no way.  He could have made it fun and taken them to the original Pat's, Geno's or Tony Lukes, they are touristy icons. Reading Terminal is a very interesting place to walk around and see all the stalls, they even have a beer garden! I hope he got his parking garage ticket validated or leaves before the free two hours are up.  He could take them to the Liberty Bell and walk around the Old City, tons of stuff for kids in Philadelphia to do but I am sure it did not occur to him or he did not want to pay admission to anything. 

We all know the topic of fights these two will have.  

Reina is very honest, she was hilarious calling out her sister when she said if Leida does not get what she wants she becomes annoying but then again, we all saw it.  

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1 hour ago, Gobi said:
1 hour ago, PityFree said:

 My guess is that it refers to the number of times he’s “broken a Hymen.”

Thanks.  I didn't get it either. 

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