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S05.E03: Week 2: Part 2

Wow, this episode really packed the uncomfortable 2nd hand embarrassment cringes per minute. Wow.

I was lecturing Annaliese and asking what the hell she was doing telling people about how she's going to be engaged after this while her soon to be fiancee was on a date with another woman!! but she wouldn't listen.

I also tried to tell David that though he finds it crushing to just admit that Jordan is off the block. "He'll never see you David!! Stop stalking him and trying to break up every relationship he's in." He didn't listen to me either. WTH? Heh. I didn't even try talking to Chris because unlike Tia who keeps saying "He's just a good guy!" I know the real Chris and he's hopeless!

I kinda loved Kenny's 'Thank you for coming' as the wrap up of his time with Krystal, that was his only response to her BS. I kinda lol'd. He has more self-control (which is good to see!) than me 'cause I'd have been all 'Bitch are you for real? I do all this for you and you're friend zoning me??'

54 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

I also love that Kenny, while disappointed at first, shrugged it off and moved on. Tia, take note!

But then there is Krystal who goes from 'I like to take things slow' to having Chris tongue in her mouth moments later. Yeah. Classy as always.

The editors are obssesed with blocking out butts, even on an angle away from us with Jenna on the daybed... but really if I extrapolate what the front of her bikini bottom looked like to the back the black box was more understandable; I mean she even apologized about showing her ass to everyone at the bar.

But it's all from Bibiana saying they were going to have to blur her butt in all her bottoms right? They love running with stuff like that, I think it's become 'a thing'. They are all going to be intentionally too big and unnecessary. Pretty soon it will spread to guys or something to keep growing the joke.

Edited by Wandering Snark. Reason: Indentification error ;-)
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33 minutes ago, clubsauce said:

At certain angles you can see people literally(™️) dripping with sweat. Even at night! I couldn’t function like that. Unless I’m running, if I am that hot and sweaty I can’t even hold a conversation. And kissing like that???? Seriously, NO ONE TOUCH ME!

And yet, everybody is wearing full outfits. Almost layers. I thought maybe Mexico was unseasonably cold, but now I’m thinking most of these people don’t want to be on TV in their bathing suits. Did nobody think to hit the gym for a few weeks before showing up?

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Jordan's horse stopped to eat and Jordan wasn't sure what to do!  HHAHAHHA - That was so light hearted fun.  So effortless fun!

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I do not get the Chris attraction.  I keep imagining him without the beard and wearing big, dork glasses.  

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38 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

Krystal had Kenny, the hottest, funniest, smartest guy out there and she friend zoned him to chase Chris, one of the most unattractive, smarmy, angry creeps the show has ever produced.  I honestly feel sorry for her.

Maybe Krystal didn’t want to take on a stepdaughter.  At least she was honest with Kenny and didn’t waste his time.  That said, I totally agree with your assessment of Chris.  Ugh!

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I watched at a friend's house last night, so couldn't comment in real time. 

These people exhaust me.  Jordan and Jenna moderately engaged me, but the rest just ooze desperation and pathetic need.  Half the women are already planning a wedding to some dude that hasn't shown up on the beach yet, and the guys are just desperate to get into strange panties.  

Maybe it's because we're at the 5th season, but the fun, carefree and entertaining group of singles is gone and this show will never be what is was. 

And I can't stand Yuki.  I'm betting Wells was ready to smack her within the first 20 minutes. 

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10 hours ago, chocolatine said:

Krystal is really playing the field, isn't she? Made out with three guys in three episodes, with minimal drama.

Maybe she is trying out for Bachelorette and going through the kissing phase of the audition.

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9 minutes ago, adhoc said:

I have no problem with the way Krystal friend-zoned Kenny. They've known each other what, a hot minute, he took a gamble with a romantic gesture, it fizzled. No harm no foul, I say. Actually, from what I could see, Kenny put Krystal on the spot with that romantic set-up and the things he was saying, and I thought she actually was fairly diplomatic at letting him down.  

Unrelated: I never want to see Chris Randone (and his tongue) kissing anyone ever again. 

I love that Crystal is playing the field and controlling her game instead of whining and waiting for the guy to make the move.  And man does she look pretty with minimal makeup.  She looked sort of hard and haggard on TB, but she’s looking great here.  I thought she was decent to Kenny, and in his own oddball way, so was Jordan to Analiese.

Was Chris the guy who was “body shamed “ on TB?  

Caviar spitters are the worst!  Go Russia!

who the fuck is yukki and why should I care?  

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29 minutes ago, adhoc said:

I have no problem with the way Krystal friend-zoned Kenny.

I have no problem with her doing that either.  If she wasn't into him it was the right thing to do.  I was questioning her taste, not her action.  If her taste in men leans toward the Chris type then I feel sorry for her because I truly think he doesn't like women very much and feels entitled to kisses in exchange for favors from him -- like his non-compliment that she gets to have the title of "first blonde," he's ever kissed.  Men who group women by hair color have always disturbed me.

Chris was pretty much telling her that, that was all he had really noticed abut her and her most important attribute.  Compare to Kenny who said he loved her smile, her green eyes, and the way, "When she talks to you she really talks to you."  Which is what Kenny does when he talks to women and why I'm so sold on him.   I'm happy for him that he dodged the Krystal bullet.

Edited by JudyObscure.
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I think it started last season with Jasmine and Alexis just “hanging around” all season without really trying to meet anyone. I hate that this trend is continuing. Why have Astrid or Bibiana or some of these others just as “extras” in the background? I thought last season might have been an aberration because of what happened on set, but it seems like either the producers told them there’s a new format, or the contestants probably all colluded before the show on who wanted to be with whom, who was giving out roses, and when each person would get his or her own 15 minute story before going back and promoting their Instagram. None of this seems fun and natural anymore :(  I miss Clare talking to animals!

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Joe and Kendall are my favorite couple.

I reallyyyy don't understand the Jordan love, I kinda hate him. Especially after telling Annaliese that she was his second choice.

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So much I want to say, I LOVED THE EPISODE, so please let me get it all out, thank you so much!

-  Jordan's honesty with Annalise was amazing.  Do you know how many men would rather DIE than have this kind of tough conversation? I have so much respect for him.  In some ways, he seems so young, but in this way, he was incredibly adult.  

-  Jordan's reaction to Chris' "line" with Krystal about kissing a blonde?  That's it.  I'm obsessed with Jordan, and I want to be his best friend, even though he'd probably look at me like a "Stepmom" (his words).

-  David is trying to "Single White Female" Jordan.  I've been through this a few times in my life.  It is scary as hell.  And it very often WORKS, that's what makes it so scary.  And it's working on Jenna.  I find David's behaviour towards Jordan extremely disturbing.  Extremely.  Like, I think he has some sort of psychosis.

-  Jenna and Jordan's love story at the beginning of the episode had me grinning like a damn fool through the whole thing.  I hate that this show made me feel that good!  LOL!

-  I love how John finally spoke about being half-Chinese.  And I love how it took being comfortable with Jubilee to actually say it out loud on camera.  

- I was such a fan of Jubilee's from her season.  The thing is, they've done this with Jubilee twice now, haven't they?  Purposely stick her in the middle of TWO different seasons of Bachelor in Paradise so she's always seen as the threat and the interloper.  I don't really like what that says about the show.  (Correct me if I'm wrong and she was at the beginning of her last BIP.)

I forgot the best part.  Eric and Kenny talking about lab mice and cheese, interspersed with scenes of the BIP-ers.  Wow.  LOL.  That was high class Hollywood filmmaking.  Amazing editing!  It was so brilliant and funny.

Edited by Ms Blue Jay.
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13 hours ago, dizzyd said:

Ah whatever Becca! Please leave! I thought she was going to tell him to "do the damn thing", remember that punch line. And Colton didn't say hi to Garrett, but she's going to tell Garrett he did. Glad that's over. Between Tia, the goose gang and Becca, the producers are doing a good job of scripting Colton as the next Bachelor, I'm beginning to feel sorry for him even though I know it's not real. Shame on me 😠

I totally thought he was going to say "Do the damn thing?" too! Why did she even come to paradise...so stupid

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It’s hard to crack wise about some of these people because many of them need a good old clip round the ear, starting with Chris, whose self-serving cod-philosophy of life is as obvious as it is pompous.  He’s prepared to announce what everyone else should do while ignoring his own fatuous rules.  It’s a shame there’s so much sand about since Chris needs to put caster wheels on his moral goalposts so he can shift them more easily.

Becca’s visit is mercifully brief but the producers are obviously keen to engineer the mirror image (as in properly reversed) of her Arie Bachelor days by bringing her back to torment the runner-up.  But her visit seems to calm the man-child.  The musical cues remain cloying and obvious – the lush piano chords strike up just as Becca, purported expert on all things male, declares that it’s OK to cry.  Thanks, love, we’ll all tear up at the drop of a hat from now on *snif*.  Another point in Joe’s column as he rejects the groupthink of the lounging lizards, er, lads in the shade and states that Colton should stay.  Amazing how clearly one can think when he’s not stuck in an adolescent competitive mindset.

By now even Annaliese herself has admitted that her nickname might be Anxious Anneliese and so she shall be titled henceforth.  AA’s soothing mechanism is a constant stroking of her own hair, neck, face, etc.  It is maddeningly distracting but it occurs in nearly every camera shot of her.  AA is getting way ahead of herself by talking about marriage after a lone champagne date with a bloke who’s already made it clear he has a wandering eye.

Jenna and her regrettable back tattoo are a late arrival and she’s made the curious decision to dye some of her hair pink.  One of Jenna’s social media handles is ‘Jennafit’ as in fitness and indeed she seemed in tip-top shape during the Arie season.  Let’s leave it there.  But she is still a ray of sunshine and her ‘kooky’ segments are harmless because, crucially, she lets the audience in on the joke.  She makes a beeline for Jordan which is much less amusing but as we see these two lock lips like a pair of gourami (I had to Google that one and now so do you) for most of the episode.

Astrid reveals that she is not, in fact, tattoo-free and has a large one covering the inside of her upper left arm – oh and there’s an infinity symbol on the wrist.  Jenna surprises no one by cashing in her date card on Jordan.  That vein in Anxious Anneliese’s forehead is starting to pop out but the full-on relief map has yet to emerge (it will).

The production staff can keep the equestrian date a secret but can they at least advise the date partners not to wear flip-flops or sandals when leaving for the date?  The black censor box arrives as Jenna mounts her steed – and not for the last time today.  Her swimwear choice means the editors are obliged to use the black butt-covering box frequently although its placement and movement, similar to a paddle dancing around the screen like the old Pong video game, indicate they’re having (more than) a bit of fun with it.

A bit of advice to CH et al:  CBS has secured the US rights to Love Island, which just concluded a smash fourth season in the UK and a first season in Australia, respectively.  Cultural and broadcast standards aside, Love Island is an utter skinfest from dawn to dusk and beyond, with all manner of ultra-revealing bikinis, thongs, etc. worn as casually as the rest of us might wear jeans and a polo shirt.  And then there are the night vision cameras and plenty of dancing duvets as red-blooded young men and women, ahem, pursue their dreams.  Bachelor In Paradise’s Emotionally Needy Girl Oh God My Clock Is Ticking Like A Subwoofer Psychodrama approach, by comparison, will resemble an 1890 ice cream social complete with straw boaters and high-button shoes if the BIP crew don’t up their game.  This includes dropping the silly and probably unnecessary legally and every other way black box.  If the participants choose to wear a particular swimsuit on camera then that’s that.  Or should be.  In addition, Love Island is (drumroll)….a competition.  Ironically, Love Island stole Bachelor Pad’s format and airlifted it to Mallorca (a damn sight nicer than Mexico if more expensive).  They kept the ‘split or keep’ option at the end but issued an app for voting therefore the final choices are not strictly down to couples ‘in the villa’ backstabbing and plotting.  One key but underrated element of Love Island is the sarcastic but sympathetic narrator (a Scottish comedian in the UK version and an Irish [?] comedian for the Aussie version).  Much more entertaining than CH’s Eddie Haskell fake-earnest ‘most _____ in Bachelor In Paradise history’ routine.  Change or perish.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Darkness falls and Anxious Anneliese is still self-grooming with gritted teeth added to the mix.  Either the editors have a mean streak where some cast members are concerned or there are precious few shots of Astrid when she’s not eating.  Once again, she converses and offers her advice with fork in hand.  No half-measures for Jordan as he raves about Jenna – so much for breaking it to her gently.  He’s got the brass neck to announce, in so many words, that he’s keeping her in reserve.  If AA has an ounce of dignity left she should tell him to bugger off.

Speaking of sad and desperate, David’s cake & candles/oops-let-me-just-take-this-shirt-off gambit falls woefully short of the mark.  ‘I’m glad I was able to partake in your birthday celebration’ – sounds like a 7 year old’s forced speech at his friend’s party after Pin The Tail On The Donkey has concluded.  Jenna humors him by having a few forkfuls of the misshapen baked good.  Full marks to Jordan (this lone instance) for his symbolic trashing of the offering.

Angela and Eric are a somewhat unlikely pairing but a toast leads to a kiss.  Thank heaven for small favors:  they actually say ‘Let’s make a toast’ rather than the awkward phrase ‘What are we cheersing to?’

Realtor Caroline arrives.  When we last saw her she had a face like thunder berating Arie for what turned out to be his breakup with Becca.  She was judgmental and acid-tongued but seemingly mature for most of that season which makes her tearful lip-biting angsty teenager act all the more surprising and out of character as she moons over…John?  Apps and dollars are nice and all but those patchy whiskers don’t really qualify as manly beard stubble.  Instead with his long face he resembles a certain Scooby-Doo companion.  Zoiks!  Carolina first she singles out Joe and her chat-up line involves asking directions to the bathroom.  Sensible Joe must be wondering, understandably, why she didn’t take care of that earlier.

Now playing at the Hell Odeon Cineplex:  The Return Of Jubilee.  Trailer announcer voice:  ‘She loved.  She lost.  Now she’s out of the army and she’s traded her camouflage for a kaftan.  And she’s looking for love matches – foreign and domestic!’  John has been part of the bamboo woodwork for most of the nascent season but he’s off on a second date inside 12 hours for a bit of ziplining.  One part of me wants to see John’s (self-described) halting guitar work but the other part of me always pities any amateur asked to perform on cue when the nerves tie the fingers in knots.  John has used up all five of his ‘interesting facts about me’ and leans in for a romantic kiss – Jubilee responds with a chaste peck and withdraws quickly.  GIGO, eh John?  But they cut to a shot of the two standing precariously amidst the rapids for a more extended interface.

One more Love Island mention:  the term ‘pie/pieing/pied’ as in having said item shoved in one’s face with a forceful straight arm is a favorite of the Love Island set.  Romantically, it means what it sounds like:  a humiliating rejection albeit a face-to-face one.  In this case, Kenny thought he was onto a winner but gets an unsettling whiff of fresh-from-the-oven crust as Krystal delivers the take-it-slow speech.  Poor Kenny, who constantly drips from the tropical heat and humidity like Elvis onstage circa 1977, transitions quickly from the Perspiration Of Purple Passion to bad old Flop Sweat.  Kenny receives commiserations from Eric and a baffling exchange involving rats ensues.

This episode is bookended by the Cretinous Chris.  Was he eavesdropping on the Kenny/Krystal Kar Krash?  Is he pursuing a blonde scantily-clad target of opportunity?  Or is Krystal merely ensnaring the next unlucky male in her web?

There aren’t too many opportunities to stand up and cheer without reservation during Bachelor franchise episodes but Colton’s Bro Code jiu jitsu is one of them.  Ordinarily Colton might be scolded for his violation and dripping poison in the ear of his past and potentially future romantic partner(s) but after the devious doings of Chris we can all savor Colton getting sweet revenge, especially after Chris’ juvenile kiss-and-tell boasting over breakfast.  Hot tip:  if you’re getting directions from Jordan then your compass is faulty – and has nothing to do with being in the Southern Hemisphere.  And, by the way, Jordan:  all of Mexico is still comfortably north of the equator.  You absolute plonker.

Edited by Rainsong.
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13 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

So much I want to say, I LOVED THE EPISODE, so please let me get it all out, thank you so much!

-  Jordan's honesty with Annalise was amazing.  Do you know how many men would rather DIE than have this kind of tough conversation? I have so much respect for him.  In some ways, he seems so young, but in this way, he was incredibly adult.  

-  Jordan's reaction to Chris' "line" with Krystal about kissing a blonde?  That's it.  I'm obsessed with Jordan, and I want to be his best friend, even though he'd probably look at me like a "Stepmom" (his words).

-  David is trying to "Single White Female" Jordan.  I've been through this a few times in my life.  It is scary as hell.  And it very often WORKS, that's what makes it so scary.  And it's working on Jenna.  I find David's behaviour towards Jordan extremely disturbing.  Extremely.  Like, I think he has some sort of psychosis.

-  Jenna and Jordan's love story at the beginning of the episode had me grinning like a damn fool through the whole thing.  I hate that this show made me feel that good!  LOL!

-  I love how John finally spoke about being half-Chinese.  And I love how it took being comfortable with Jubilee to actually say it out loud on camera.  

- I was such a fan of Jubilee's from her season.  The thing is, they've done this with Jubilee twice now, haven't they?  Purposely stick her in the middle of TWO different seasons of Bachelor in Paradise so she's always seen as the threat and the interloper.  I don't really like what that says about the show.  (Correct me if I'm wrong and she was at the beginning of last BIP.)

I forgot the best part.  Eric and Kenny talking about lab mice and cheese, interspersed with scenes of the BIP-ers.  Wow.  LOL.  That was high class Hollywood filmmaking.  Amazing editing!  It was so brilliant and funny.

Awesome post!

-Jubilee did the right thing for her, asking out the guy that she liked the most.  And John had so much more chemistry with her, and so much more in common.  I love how they both talked about being dorks in HS.  Contrast to Caroline, who wouldn't let him finish a sentence as she kept turning her head to name the animals.

-Jordan sold me on this episode.  He felt way more for Jenna than for Annalise, so he did the right thing by letting Annalise know.  In real life, guys usually just ghost the girl.

-I definitely have Kenny-love, but Krystal didn't feel the same way, and she told him as humanely as she could.  Props to her.

-Chris, ugh.  Some people get more attractive as you get to know them (I'm eyeing you, Kenny-cutie).  Some get uglier.  Chris is the latter.

-The Canadian fireman (can't remember his name) did a really nice thing, in not accepting a date to see what develops with his new girl.  Bet she loved seeing that on camera.

-Was listening to Jenny McCarthy's Sirius show, and they called Tia "Trailer Park Pretty", which is a good description.  Unfortunately, Tia has the potty mouth to go with it.  Ugh.

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Have we discussed how much Chris looks like Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder? Especially in the bandana. He’s not attractive at all. I skipped Becca’s season for the first time in over 10 years and I’m glad I did.

Caroline presents herself on Instagram as some kind of hot vixen, but it seems she’s a sourpuss in real life. I don’t believe she’s interested in John for a hot second (so rude to him!), but just calculated her odds of getting a rose.

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I don't believe that Krystal would be into someone like Chris making me think this is all scripted. Colton will end up giving his rose to Tia of course bc he "still cares about her" and then she will take it totally the wrong way and be all up his ass again.  Caroline seemed all together when she was on TB and as Becca's bestie on the her season but she totally fell apart the minute she walked into paradise. And if she was actually "friends" not just with Becca but with Tia and Kendall too why didn't she talk to them first to see who was with who and who they were with.  It seemed as if she didn't even know them.  Also....GO THE BATHROOM FIRST BEFORE GOING TO TALK TO GUYS!

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I’m sorry, but why do we half Asian people have to speak out about it?  I have spent my half Asian life in the south being an American and raising hell and never had to be put in a box.  It’s not like cooties or anything.  Nothing to explain.

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2 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

who the fuck is yukki and why should I care?

Both yukki and Kevin the firefighter were in bachelor winter games, after being on the bachelor/ette shows in their countries. 

Kevin scored with Ashley I, bibianna was also on and I recall her having a pretty good guy, but she was indecisive.  Yukki was famous for her squeaky voice and giggle, her limited English, and saying things like "yukki have no boy!" I think none of the guys knew what to think of her.

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1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I was such a fan of Jubilee's from her season.  The thing is, they've done this with Jubilee twice now, haven't they?  Purposely stick her in the middle of TWO different seasons of Bachelor in Paradise so she's always seen as the threat and the interloper.  I don't really like what that says about the show.  (Correct me if I'm wrong and she was at the beginning of her last BIP.)

 

Jubilee's other season was Season 3.   She was there the first week, was only interested in Jared so when the roses were handed out at the first rose ceremony she didn't have a chance.  (who knew Wikipedia would have Bachelor in Paradise page).

So at least she did have a chance that season of not having to come in mid season.   I thought she did a good job of staying confident and just picking someone she liked when she asked Venmo John out.   

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12 hours ago, kazza said:

Seriously. He would be the first actually great catch they've had in a long time. 

Venmo John: "I wrote the Venmo app."

Jubilee: "What are you DOING here"

This exchange, right here, is the most truth I've seen a contestant utter on this show. Their whole conversation seemed genuine. I'm rooting for these two crazy kids to at least exchange email addresses after this is over. Because, really? Jade and Tanner are the unicorns of this show. No one finds twu wuv in Paradise.

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I also find myself admiring the above-board and honest behavior of both Jordan and Krystal.   Yes, self-serving and a bit tone deaf, but I'd rather see those conversations up front. 

And as much as I disliked Carly, back in season 2 when Kirk dumped her at the very end, I felt very bad for her.  She was practically naming their kids, and he's saying he wasn't really feeling it after all.   

It's a crazy mix of not enough time to waste, yet not enough time to really get to know somebody.  It needs to just stay a sweaty, salty, pretty people hook-up show.  

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1 hour ago, Sterling said:

Awesome post!

-Jubilee did the right thing for her, asking out the guy that she liked the most.  And John had so much more chemistry with her, and so much more in common.  I love how they both talked about being dorks in HS.  Contrast to Caroline, who wouldn't let him finish a sentence as she kept turning her head to name the animals.

Thanks!

And UGH!  to Caroline's behaviour.  I did not find her one bit charming, whatsoever.  She was so weird!  The beginning, of not being able to figure out how to walk, or talk, or go to the bathroom?  What the F was that?  How many times did Joe have to say "You're fine.... Yes... Walk this way towards the bathroom."  It was one of the weirdest things that's happened on this season.  She was FREAKING OUT.

And then on the date, that distracted by animals thing.  She is a child.  John is an adult.  It's just a bad, bad match.  I was liking John until he said something like he was a Boy Scout until college?  Did I hear that right?  I feel bad for judging.  LOL.  But hey if Jubilee wants a nerd this is a match made in heaven.  

Grocery Store Joe is just extremely beautiful.  It's incredibly disarming.  The guy should be in movies. 

Jubilee's clear admiration for intelligence and need to be with a nerd is also charming.

I forgot to mention something else.  Annalise listing which guys she'd be fine with taking a rose from IN ORDER.  Ha!  She listed at least 4 men!  So basically, she will take anyone!  Anyone!  And if the top 4 don't want her, here's the next 6 she's fine with!  That was a bit breathtaking.

Edited by Ms Blue Jay.
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9 minutes ago, leighdear said:

It's a crazy mix of not enough time to waste, yet not enough time to really get to know somebody.  It needs to just stay a sweaty, salty, pretty people hook-up show.  

Unfortunately Jade & Tanner ruined that as now pretty much all the girls are coming on to the show with the dream of getting the guy, the million dollar wedding on TV, hundred of thousand instagram follwers and a cute baby like Emmy Tolbert.

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6 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Unfortunately Jade & Tanner ruined that as now pretty much all the girls are coming on to the show with the dream of getting the guy, the million dollar wedding on TV, hundred of thousand instagram follwers and a cute baby like Emmy Tolbert.

Exactly.  And THAT is why we can't have our trashy things anymore.....

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I think Joe is very handsome and a sweet guy, but I can’t figure out his speaking voice. I moved to Chicago almost 30 years ago and my husband was born and raised here, and we have never met a person who speaks like Joe. I would still pick him out of the guys here though.

I always wonder why some of the contestants don’t seem to make an effort to start something up romantically? Are they told not to? Every season there are a few who sit around in the group shots but never single anyone out.

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15 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

And since when is the premise of  BIP to find a life partner? I thought it was just boozing, beaching and hook ups.

While the marching orders for those who come to Paradise have always been, and will always be, "party your ass off", the show has also been about a committment being made ever since the first season ended in an engagement, which then led to a marriage to kick off Season 2.

Though when I looked it up online, to remember just who exactly that was who got married, it turns out Lacy and Marcus were a) never legally married, and b) broke up not long after. And apparently Marcus has gotten married (for real) since then. 

As someone who is a regular viewer, I am surprised I didn't know this until just now. Though to be fair, Marcus and Lacy were always less interesting than watching drying paint watch grass grow. 

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Arie's season because I don't recognize any of these girls...Caroline?

The women on Arie's season were a very bland and generic bunch. Only Krystal, Bekah and Becca stood out. And let's be honest, Becca only became memorable when she got dumped. Had Arie not dumped her, she would be just as forgettable as the woman (I want to say, Lauren?) he dumped her for. The rest were instantly forgettable, though I will say I personally remember Kendall, because I found her to be the most attractive. But that's just me. I don't doubt for a second everyone else had to be reminded who she was on Paradise. 

Edited by reggiejax.
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2 hours ago, Rainsong said:

 bit of advice to CH et al:  CBS has secured the US rights to Love Island, which just concluded a smash fourth season in the UK and a first season in Australia, respectively.  Cultural and broadcast standards aside, Love Island is an utter skinfest from dawn to dusk and beyond, with all manner of ultra-revealing bikinis, thongs, etc. worn as casually as the rest of us might wear jeans and a polo shirt.  And then there are the night vision cameras and plenty of dancing duvets as red-blooded young men and women, ahem, pursue their dreams.  Bachelor In Paradise’s Emotionally Needy Girl Oh God My Clock Is Ticking Like A Subwoofer Psychodrama approach, by comparison, will resemble an 1890 ice cream social complete with straw boaters and high-button shoes if the BIP crew don’t up their game.  This includes dropping the silly and probably unnecessary legally and every other way black box.  If the participants choose to wear a particular swimsuit on camera then that’s that.  Or should be.  In addition, Love Island is (drumroll)….a competition.  Ironically, Love Island stole Bachelor Pad’s format and airlifted it to Mallorca (a damn sight nicer than Mexico if more expensive).  They kept the ‘split or keep’ option at the end but issued an app for voting therefore the final choices are not strictly down to couples ‘in the villa’ backstabbing and plotting.  One key but underrated element of Love Island is the sarcastic but sympathetic narrator (a Scottish comedian in the UK version and an Irish [?] comedian for the Aussie version).  Much more entertaining than CH’s Eddie Haskell fake-earnest ‘most _____ in Bachelor In Paradise history’ routine.  Change or perish.  Forewarned is forearmed.

 

sadly I must admit to watching a previous show with similar accolades - Paradise Hotel.  I also am not recalling another similar show as well.

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23 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Grocery Store Joe is just extremely beautiful.  It's incredibly disarming.  The guy should be in movies. 

Jubilee's clear admiration for intelligence and need to be with a nerd is also charming.

I actually made it all the way through this episode, because it focused on people like this. And GSJoe and Kendall's tuna-off at the end. I just want to hang out with them. They seem so fun.

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4 minutes ago, MV713 said:

sadly I must admit to watching a previous show with similar accolades - Paradise Hotel.  I also am not recalling another similar show as well.

Yahtzee!  Paradise Hotel was the best show ever.  

Is the other show you are thinking of Temptation Island?  Never understood why FOX gave up on both shows.

Paradise's ratings have been down so far this season so yeah, ABC and Fleiss need to make some changes for next season (if there is one) to stay relevant.

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13 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Unfortunately Jade & Tanner ruined that as now pretty much all the girls are coming on to the show with the dream of getting the guy, the million dollar wedding on TV, hundred of thousand instagram follwers and a cute baby like Emmy Tolbert.

Little Emmy is really getting so cute! They are one of the few Bachelor people I follow on Instagram mainly because of the baby.  Also, I find Tanner to be super hot.  I don't even mind when they shill out products!   

Back to this episode - did anyone else see Colton wink at Becca at the end of their closure conversation? I'm not sure if it was deliberate but if so it makes me think that this Tia/Colton/Becca is pure producer manipulation even more.   Please make them leave!  Jordan and Jenna were awfully cute.  I can see why Arie "dumped" her after their one on one wine date because she's so effusive and he's, well, Arie.  She met her match with Mr. Rogers!  David is just an odd duck.  He tweeted to Ashley Spivey that he's not good on TV and I really hope he remembers that for next year.   

Speaking of tweets, Eric Bigger tweeted that

Spoiler

Joe was genuine and kind but not nice.  So I'm curious on how the storyline plays out for the rest of the season.   He didn't elaborate so I don't think that's a spoiler but I tagged just in case

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11 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

I was lecturing Annaliese and asking what the hell she was doing telling people about how she's going to be engaged after this while her soon to be fiancee was on a date with another woman!! but she wouldn't listen.

ROFLMAO!  

2 hours ago, leighdear said:

These people exhaust me.

Me too.  It is literally like 7th grade with everyone having a stake in everyone's relationships and yet these people are grown ass adults.  This is why they will never find love.  They expect too much from too little.  Relationships are organic and you can't force them.  When I met Mr. Sage it was immediate attraction but we dated a long time and then became exclusive with a discussion.  Before being exclusive we didn't meddle in each other's private lives.

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2 hours ago, RosieRose221 said:

I don't believe that Krystal would be into someone like Chris

Maybe he reminds her of those roid-rage guys at the gym.

1 hour ago, Captain Asshat said:

Jade and Tanner are the unicorns of this show. No one finds twu wuv in Paradise.

Don't forget Evan & Carly :)

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26 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

I think Joe is very handsome and a sweet guy, but I can’t figure out his speaking voice. I moved to Chicago almost 30 years ago and my husband was born and raised here, and we have never met a person who speaks like Joe. I would still pick him out of the guys here though.

I think it depends on where you grew up in Chicago. I'm born/raised/still live in Chicago (not the suburbs) and I get comments on my accent a lot*.  He grew up in an Italian family in Melrose Park and he sounds like every guy I ever met who grew up in that area.   He also looks like every guy I lusted over in high school and I'm getting nostalgic! 

*Funniest examples both when I was in London for work:  At Borough's Market a couple years ago, I asked for some rabbit pate and the clerk grabbed his buddy and made me repeat it over and over whilst chuckling.  I found it found funny so wasn't offended.  This June, I ordered a pizza with basil and the waitress visibly blanched at my hard "A" pronouncement.   She explained that she never heard it pronounced like that and I had to explain that I'm from Chi-cah-go and we get made fun of a lot.  

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1 hour ago, leighdear said:

I also find myself admiring the above-board and honest behavior of both Jordan and Krystal.   Yes, self-serving and a bit tone deaf, but I'd rather see those conversations up front. 

And as much as I disliked Carly, back in season 2 when Kirk dumped her at the very end, I felt very bad for her.  She was practically naming their kids, and he's saying he wasn't really feeling it after all.   

It's a crazy mix of not enough time to waste, yet not enough time to really get to know somebody.  It needs to just stay a sweaty, salty, pretty people hook-up show.  

I’ll never give Carly credit. That whole season she was smug and condescending toward the other relationships that weren’t as strong as hers, then when Kirk dumps her (in about as decent and honest as you can while respecting her feelings) she goes on a temper tantrum and throws him under the bus. She never cared about Kirk, she just didn’t like being dumped on TV and looking embarrassed. And she never changed before meeting Evan, she was still a mean girl putting him down and laughing at him. I don’t know how she is as a wife and mother (I ff any scenes with her in them) but I hate how this show tries painting her as this hopeless romantic who’s been victimised by men. 

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14 hours ago, chocolatine said:

Caroline was a bit of a needy shit-stirrer on Arie's TWTA, so I don't think she and John are a good match. But I'm glad that John is finally getting the appreciation he deserves.

 

The way she kept saying, "he's not usually my type" read to me like, "I don't like the nerdy type, but John's one of the only ones available, so the nerdy type will do for now".

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1 hour ago, LBS said:

Speaking of tweets, Eric Bigger tweeted that

  Hide contents

Joe was genuine and kind but not nice.  So I'm curious on how the storyline plays out for the rest of the season.   He didn't elaborate so I don't think that's a spoiler but I tagged just in case

I don't think this is a spoiler, because I recall an earlier "Upcoming" clip where Joe maybe.....finds someone else attractive, leaving Kendall to cry?  Something like that.  So we shall see what happens between Mr. Joe and Ms. Kendall.  Interesting tweet though; thanks for posting it.

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Chris really thinks he is hot shit but I do not think he is good looking AT ALL. Sorry about it. Guys like Jordan and Colton might not be "my type" but at least I can see that they are objectively handsome. Chris is not.

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Also, Chris has the worst personality, like ever.  I've always felt that way.

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4 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Also, Chris has the worst personality, like ever.  I've always felt that way.

TOTALLY. His looks wouldn't turn my head, and his personality would send me screaming in the other direction even if he WERE handsome!

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16 minutes ago, ClareWalks said:

Chris really thinks he is hot shit but I do not think he is good looking AT ALL. Sorry about it. Guys like Jordan and Colton might not be "my type" but at least I can see that they are objectively handsome. Chris is not.

Yeah, I can usually be all "Well, I don't like his looks, but I get why others would". Colton being a perfect example. Farmer Chris another. I get why they are considered attractive even if they aren't to me. But Chris I just don't see it. Maybe his stank personality clouds my judgment but I just do not see why anyone would find him attractive. It probably has a lot to do with that personality, actually. I mean, YIKES! He is not a pleasant person at all.

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Chris wrote an article about giving women an orgasm on medium.com.  I'll post it on BIP in the media.   He just got so much grosser to me.  LOL

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3 minutes ago, LBS said:

Chris wrote an article about giving women an orgasm on medium.com.  I'll post it on BIP in the media.   He just got so much grosser to me.  LOL

Jesus, that makes me cringe and I haven't even read it.  He really is just such a douche.  

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