Jump to content

S05.E01: Week 1: Season Premiere

41 minutes ago, el diego said:

5. Tia tells Becca that actually, she does have "fillins" for Colton.

Ha! I can't stop laughing at that.

For all Tia's faults, I do have to mention her beautiful eyes.  In fact I could go down the list and find faults with each girl, even Kendal who is my favorite, but they all have some beautiful features, too,  Angela's hair, for example. 

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

6

Share Post


Link to post
10 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

Honestly, I'm not feeling any of the guys this season, in the looks dept. I like Wills's style and his laid back attitude. Grocery Joe is okay. Colton is too greasy for me. I think he could look good but he just misses the mark. I like Venmo John's personality though he's just alright physically for me. Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

7

Share Post


Link to post
1 hour ago, JudyObscure said:

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

I disagree about Joe, but I do think it's only fair to rate the men.  I put 'em in groups... 

Top of the heap:

Jordan

Joe

Kenny

Wells

Eric

Middle of the pack:

Connor

Colton

David

Venmo John

Bottom of the barrel:

Kevin

Nick

Wills 

Chris

0

Share Post


Link to post

I'm a straight male but I'll give ranking the guys a shot. Re: Connor, he wasn't on episode 1, was he? Once he gets on he'll probably be near the top of the list.

1. Wills

2. Joe

3. Jordan

4. Bearded Eric

5. David

6. Colton

7. John

8. Beardless Eric

9. Kenny

10. Chris

11. Nick

12. Kevin

Again, I feel bad rating Kevin at the bottom because I think he's one of the coolest guys there. It's kinda hard for me because I don't really have a type e.g. I'm sure the vast majority of girls would clearly take Colton over John, but my girlfriend (though she hasn't stated it) would almost certainly be more physically attracted to John because he's all angles while Colton is a fridge. Speaking of Colton, a lot of my female friends comment on how attractive he is, but I can't imagine how they get past his baby face. And when I say baby face I don't mean young looking, I mean literal baby.

I agree that this is an underwhelming group. But then again, I think the girls are an underwhelming group, so it's probably good for match ups.

6

Share Post


Link to post
7 minutes ago, el diego said:

Re: Connor, he wasn't on episode 1, was he? Once he gets on he'll probably be near the top of the list.

You're right, he wasn't on episode 1 but I put him on the list because he was mentioned and he will be on. 

Who is Not Bearded Eric? 

0

Share Post


Link to post
5 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

You're right, he wasn't on episode 1 but I put him on the list because he was mentioned and he will be on. 

Who is Not Bearded Eric? 

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

7

Share Post


Link to post
14 minutes ago, el diego said:

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

Oh, ok  *slaps forehead*

I agree thought that, in general, this is a mediocre group.  Even the ones I put in the highest group aren't the hottest guys I've ever seen, it's mainly because I like their personalities. 

Edited by Ohwell.
1

Share Post


Link to post

I don't really find anybody currently on the show to be that attractive, honestly. I guess Kendall is pretty and seems nice, but the fact that she doesn't have a job, lives at home with her parents, and is interested in dead stuff is a turn off. She at least has a good body, though. I'm kind of surprised that none of the women hit the gym before embarking on a nationally televised show featuring them in bikinis 24/7. I'm particularly surprised by Bibiana, because I thought she looked good on Winter Games and expected her to show up ready to stir things up. Guess not. 

 

As for the guys, no frame of reference for them, so I'll go with Joe? Most of the guys seem creepy. Again, I liked Kevin on Winter Games but he seems like a tool now when he talks to Krystal. 

 

Hopefully they'll bring in some good looking people otherwise this season will be a snooze fest. Last season nobody really tried to hook up and we thought it was because of the scandal. But maybe these people just don't want to even try dating anymore, they just want TV time. 

1

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 5:18 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Tia is like the two face girl from Seinfeld. Her face can look witchy and then in another scene she looks okay.

I thought about this too!  It's the flare in her nose.

 

Is this just everyone from the Arie and Becca season? (rhetorical question)

 

Wills thought he would show more personality but STILL boring.  

I like Kendall and Grocery Joe but wonder what Joe's quirks are.  He has them.  

Kevin has a neanderthal face.

I want to like Bibiana so desperately but she is trying too hard now.   

We need more clips of Chelsea's dry humor.

 

I think all the clips of people coming back are just visits but Arie and Lauren do not need to come.  What are Marcus and Lacy up to?

Edited by IDreamofJoaquin.
1

Share Post


Link to post
15 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

Honestly, I'm not feeling any of the guys this season, in the looks dept. I like Wills's style and his laid back attitude. Grocery Joe is okay. Colton is too greasy for me. I think he could look good but he just misses the mark. I like Venmo John's personality though he's just alright physically for me. Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

I’m totally with you, Mabinogia: Wills, Harrison, and Venmo John. The rest of these guys aren’t even in the strata of being dateable...but I guess they make for good TV.

2

Share Post


Link to post
12 hours ago, Stan39 said:

 

I don't really find anybody currently on the show to be that attractive, honestly. I guess Kendall is pretty and seems nice, but the fact that she doesn't have a job, lives at home with her parents, and is interested in dead stuff is a turn off.

 

Kendall has a job and lives with a roommate.  She  does set design.  She was on Kaitlyn ‘Grape Therapy’ podcast a couple of weeks ago and said that.

2

Share Post


Link to post
On ‎2018‎-‎08‎-‎10 at 7:42 AM, Ohwell said:

Same here!

Me too!  Hate the stuff and don't understand the need or desire for it.

1

Share Post


Link to post
20 hours ago, el diego said:

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

Eric is nice looking to me with or without the beard, but I do agree that he looks way better with the beard. But then again, I'm a fan of beards and/or scruff on men.

11 hours ago, IDreamofJoaquin said:

What are Marcus and Lacy up to?

From what I recall, their marriage in Paradise was NOT legal and they broke up soon afterwards. I vaguely recall something about Marcus saying Lacy ghosted him once they got back to the U. S. or something in that vein. 

2

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/10/2018 at 2:58 PM, Mabinogia said:

 Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

I will always be in Love with Chris Harrison.  I know many think he's the anti-Christ, but I will always adore him.  

8

Share Post


Link to post

I always find Chris Harrison attractive on this show, too, and I think a lot of it is that unlike most of these guys, he's crossed that indefinable line between boy and man.  The Bachelors will be sitting around, talking wrong reasons or  whatever, and then Chris will walk in and I sit up a little straighter.  It's odd.

I do find Kenny extremely attractive, but I wouldn't trust the feeling (fillin?) in real life. I think it's that showmanship and charisma he has from his pro-wrestling. He had moments with Rachel when he dropped the "my daughter," script the show seemed to have him on and talked sincerely to her and I almost swooned.

4

Share Post


Link to post

I too think Kenny is a quality man, he's just not right for THIS particular franchise.  He does enough "acting" in his day job, he doesn't need to get any deeper into this group.  After this season, he needs to bow out, find a decent local woman & go back to his real life.  

For me, Chris H. has charisma that is sorely lacking in a lot of men on TV these days.  He's smooth, yet relatable.  For me, he's a C-list George Clooney....Handsome enough to be a bit starstruck by, but you still feel like you could kick back with him & have a casual cocktail.  (Yes, I've given this all WAY too much thought! *LOL*)

7

Share Post


Link to post

I've been watching continuously since Emily's season of the Bachelorette now, including all editions and spinoffs of the franchise since (although I couldn't finish either Kaitlyn's or Rachel's seasons because they respectively made my skin crawl and annoyed me).  

I think Kendall is absolutely beautiful.  I can only think of a few contestants/characters/whatever in all that time who've even come close.  She also seems to be an incredibly nice person.  I'm a fan.  

Edited by Shades of Scarlet.
5

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/11/2018 at 6:51 PM, leighdear said:

I will always be in Love with Chris Harrison.  I know many think he's the anti-Christ, but I will always adore him.  

I will fight you with a mace and a Japanese steel katana for the love of Chris Harrison.

I think I love Jordan, simply for sitting on that filthy ass couch in his intro.  That thing was so soiled it was slick.  And cheering a guy up by pointing out he’s better than Colton because he’s not a Virgin and has better hair products.  Good counsel.

this should be a good season, once Bibiana is gone.  She’s a try hard with a dated schtick and unfortunate neck.  

Crystal! I missed her.  

A lot of Attractive women, including a 50 yo I’ve never seen before.  Some dumb guys, including that smug Colton.  Slim pickings.  I think the blonde is especially dumb. 

5

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 7:27 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

You just KNOW that on one of these "most dramatic seasons ev-ah" someone is going to go outside the "rules" and fall for the bartender. Go for it, Wells!

On 8/7/2018 at 7:29 PM, Armchair Critic said:

If I was Kendall I would hang onto Joe, I am not that impressed with the other guys there.

Who is that skinny foul-mouthed blandly blonde Nick guy? I do NOT remember him at all, but he is not attractive in any way. His personality and inability to say more than two un-bleeped words in a row and excessive bro-ness. Can't stand him. He needs to be the first to go. Pronto.

 

I don't remember Angela either, like at all.

Edited by ChiMama.
3

Share Post


Link to post
16 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

this should be a good season, once Bibiana is gone.  She’s a try hard with a dated schtick and unfortunate neck.  

 

She reminds me so much of a "Survivor" contestant named Abi-Maria.  So unpleasant, confrontational, egotistical about her looks and ZERO ability to pick up on social cues.  She always managed to squeak by eliminations because there was inevitably somebody worse to boot out.  But every time I saw her on my screen, I wanted to throw my shoe at it.  Thankfully she never made it to the finals.

1

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 7:30 PM, leighdear said:
On 8/7/2018 at 7:27 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

Hes boyfriend to, and lives with Sarah Hyland, one of the stars of "Modern Family".  An ABC comedy.  Wells has connections now. 

Ah, didn't know this. She's a cutie!

2

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 7:58 PM, Ohwell said:
On 8/7/2018 at 7:47 PM, Wandering Snark said:

Raven keeps it classy as always, saying in the intro portion 'Down in Paradise where I had my first orgasm'.

Also, in the intro didn't she say something about her vagina?  I cringed.

I think that was Bibiana. Ugh.

On 8/7/2018 at 8:32 PM, Mabinogia said:

I would kill for Colton to pick anyone but Tia. But he will pick her. 

Ok, he is earning points with me for making her sweat it out at least. Anyone who makes her feel like shit is good with me. If she wants to talk to him, go fucking talk to him!!!!!

Colton's whole arrival and talking to other girls first, etc. was SO producer-driven, I could practically see the strings. Fake drama!

1

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 8:46 PM, Ms Blue Jay said:

Colton, even as a virgin, is way out of Tia's league, and she looks twenty years older than him.  ( @leighdear  I agree about the breasts and I'll raise you a nose and her lips and her teeth too)

Her nose? Really? It looked really long and prominent in profile shots . . . just sayin'

0

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 10:59 PM, Wandering Snark said:

I also love this concept that none of these people can contact each for months instead needing to only get together until it's via an officially sanctioned event in Bachelor Nation. Pick up a phone. Hell, message someone even!

Ditto that past Paradise residents must revisit to get engaged = Ashley I. and Jared. Way to extend that 15 minutes, kids. Thing is, marriage is a real thing and I give you about six months after the cameras turn off. I don't see ABC bankrolling a big Ashley/Jared wedding special. Nope.

0

Share Post


Link to post
32 minutes ago, ChiMama said:

I think that was Bibiana. Ugh.

Yeah, it was already said upthread.  Thanks though.

0

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/8/2018 at 2:10 PM, Kbilly said:

Kendall is stunningly beautiful--I can't imagine anyone not being able to stare in her presence. But when "Have you ever seen a dead body?" is your go-to small talk/flirt, that's not great!

Agreed. Wasn't there a girl once who was an actual funeral director? She made it to the hometown dates and put the hapless bachelor on the embalming table as I recall. Fun times. Kendall's patter seems somewhat producer-directed -- trying to amplify her "character." I will say that she delivered her lines very naturally . . . she seems like a very pleasant and intelligent girl.

1

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/8/2018 at 11:08 PM, nicgwatchingtv said:

6. John, Kenny and Wills (and probably Joe) are too good for this. 

AGREED!

0

Share Post


Link to post

I almost never wear foundation, my skin skill sucks, and I'm 26 lol.

On 8/9/2018 at 6:17 PM, Mabinogia said:

I also think Kendall is stunning. Again, another natural looking beauty. She's weird, but I like weird. I love that her getting to know you patter involved graveyard picnics and "have you ever seen a dead body". lol If I were there I'd hang out with her, and try to hook up with Wills, Wells and Venmo John and Joe the Grocer. They are the only ones I have much interest in.  

I am immensely gay for Kendall - I can't stop staring whenever she's on screen. She really is "the whole package," as these douchecanoes would say.

Sadly Wells is currently taken by the actress who plays the eldest daughter on Modern Family! Too tired to Google her name, but they're very cute together. OH it's Sarah Hyland!

1

Share Post


Link to post

I think ABC might spring for an Ashley/Jared wedding, simply because of the D.R.A.M.A. and all the years, tears & mechanics it took them to get engaged. 

In fact, I think that even though neither was an actual Bachelor or Bachelorette, more people would watch their wedding than one for Kaitlyn & Shawn, JoJo & Jordan, Rachel & Bryan or Becca & Bubba.  

Can you IMAGINE the sheer volume of craptastic, glittery, sequined, over-the-top wedding essentials that Ashley I would demand?  And I think ABC would go right along with it.  The tackier the better!

I can't stand either of them, but it would be must-see viewing, just for the trashy, pagent value.  

Edited by leighdear.
4

Share Post


Link to post
13 hours ago, ChiMama said:

Agreed. Wasn't there a girl once who was an actual funeral director? She made it to the hometown dates and put the hapless bachelor on the embalming table as I recall. Fun times. Kendall's patter seems somewhat producer-directed -- trying to amplify her "character." I will say that she delivered her lines very naturally . . . she seems like a very pleasant and intelligent girl.

I agree that her conversation appears to be attempting to drive the character she's creating, but I don't think she's very natural at delivering the lines. She seems like a smart person, but not terribly fun. There's something a little stilted and awkward about her that it doesn't surprise me when she's not all that sought after, despite being extremely pretty. 

Quote

Tia is like the two face girl from Seinfeld. Her face can look witchy and then in another scene she looks okay.

She does look stunning from some angles and then not so much from others, but Kevin is the real two-face for me. When he puts a hat on (I guess to cover that giant five-head) and turns his head, he's a dead ringer for James Marsden, who is super hot, but then from other angles and hatless, he looks hideous. 

From night 1 and the previews, it seems like this season has a crapload of people on it. I don't remember such a huge cast in the past.

Who is the constantly cursing blonde guy who was annoyed that he "wasted his time" on one of the girls? I can't place what season he's from, but he's giving off the biggest douche vibes of anyone there. He's totally that guy who's full of compliments until someone says no thanks and then he turns around and calls them a fat bitch or whatever. I really hope he's the rose-less one at the first ceremony, I watch this show for ridiculous people I don't see in real life, that guy could be found desperately trolling at any bar at 2 am anywhere.

3

Share Post


Link to post

My brothers were on Millionaire a couple weeks back, in person, they said CH was pretty short with a big honker.....just sayin'

0

Share Post


Link to post

I’m short with a big honker.  CH is made for me!

That one guy looks like Blob and a caveman had a fit baby, and The Godfather was that guy in the Stepbrothers movie with Will Farrell.  Very unsexy guy.  I think he put the moves on Crystal?

is Venmo a word I should know?

is Nysha the ER nurse who liked getting shooting victims?  Way cute on TB, but pretty forgettable here.

who the fuck is Astrid?  Does AARP know she’s here?

speaking of, the moron from Boca with the Mother.  Not funny, just really cringy. 

2

Share Post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

s Venmo a word I should know?

 

Venmo is a pretty popular app that allows friends to share money.   Like you pick up the tab at dinner and your friends send you cash via Venmo.

If John really was part of its implementation, he's probably pretty wealthy.   

3

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/8/2018 at 10:50 AM, backformore said:

Speaking of Colton and Tia -  I find it weird that Colton is being seen, by the other BiP folks, as the bad guy here.  He was "falling in love"  with Becca when Tia kind of pulled the plug by telling Becca, "no, I want him!"   That was kind of a bitchy move, IMHO.   Not that Becca would have cut him loose eventually anyway, but  Tia should have left it alone, and then contacted Colton afterwards.   

Word.

On 8/8/2018 at 8:17 PM, kazza said:

Is it just me or have the contestants become increasingly unlikable over the years? Even in the first seasons of BiP I remember kind of pulling for them to find someone, despite the somewhat ludicrous setting. Tenley, Jade, even Clare seemed sincere. I really couldn't care less what this crew - with a few exceptions - does and can't even finish watching a full episode. 

This season is def the worst in that regard.

On 8/9/2018 at 6:08 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

Actually, she reminds me of Debra Winger when she was in Urban Cowboy...

Good pull!

On 8/8/2018 at 8:34 AM, jackjill89 said:

I had to laugh at all the guys getting their undies in a bundle over Colton and Tia. Honestly, they need to stop the drama. They are like a bunch of 13 year old girls. 

OMG...yes!

0

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/7/2018 at 11:59 PM, Wandering Snark said:

I kinda love Kendall but man she really is one odd bird

The exact wording I was going to use!

2

Share Post


Link to post

I think the funniest thing is the preview of Ben in the sand screaming I am unlovableeeee.. this show even knows what a joke that line is . 

2

Share Post


Link to post

I don’t think Colton should have to talk to Tia at all and I don’t understand why everyone is marrying them off just because she has a crush. Colton said that they only went on a couple of dates. It’s not really fair that literally everyone thinks he’s Tia’s man already. 

5

Share Post


Link to post
On 8/13/2018 at 1:45 PM, Mu Shu said:

I’m short with a big honker.  CH is made for me!

That one guy looks like Blob and a caveman had a fit baby, and The Godfather was that guy in the Stepbrothers movie with Will Farrell.  Very unsexy guy.  I think he put the moves on Crystal?

is Venmo a word I should know?

is Nysha the ER nurse who liked getting shooting victims?  Way cute on TB, but pretty forgettable here.

who the fuck is Astrid?  Does AARP know she’s here?

speaking of, the moron from Boca with the Mother.  Not funny, just really cringy. 

I see what you did there.   I was honestly LOL!!!!! 

1

Share Post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now