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S05.E01: Week 1: Season Premiere

41 minutes ago, el diego said:

5. Tia tells Becca that actually, she does have "fillins" for Colton.

Ha! I can't stop laughing at that.

For all Tia's faults, I do have to mention her beautiful eyes.  In fact I could go down the list and find faults with each girl, even Kendal who is my favorite, but they all have some beautiful features, too,  Angela's hair, for example. 

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

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10 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

Honestly, I'm not feeling any of the guys this season, in the looks dept. I like Wills's style and his laid back attitude. Grocery Joe is okay. Colton is too greasy for me. I think he could look good but he just misses the mark. I like Venmo John's personality though he's just alright physically for me. Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

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1 hour ago, JudyObscure said:

In fairness we should also rate the men.  I'll duck behind the sofa and say this:  I think Grocery Joe is  ugly.

I disagree about Joe, but I do think it's only fair to rate the men.  I put 'em in groups... 

Top of the heap:

Jordan

Joe

Kenny

Wells

Eric

Middle of the pack:

Connor

Colton

David

Venmo John

Bottom of the barrel:

Kevin

Nick

Wills 

Chris

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I'm a straight male but I'll give ranking the guys a shot. Re: Connor, he wasn't on episode 1, was he? Once he gets on he'll probably be near the top of the list.

1. Wills

2. Joe

3. Jordan

4. Bearded Eric

5. David

6. Colton

7. John

8. Beardless Eric

9. Kenny

10. Chris

11. Nick

12. Kevin

Again, I feel bad rating Kevin at the bottom because I think he's one of the coolest guys there. It's kinda hard for me because I don't really have a type e.g. I'm sure the vast majority of girls would clearly take Colton over John, but my girlfriend (though she hasn't stated it) would almost certainly be more physically attracted to John because he's all angles while Colton is a fridge. Speaking of Colton, a lot of my female friends comment on how attractive he is, but I can't imagine how they get past his baby face. And when I say baby face I don't mean young looking, I mean literal baby.

I agree that this is an underwhelming group. But then again, I think the girls are an underwhelming group, so it's probably good for match ups.

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7 minutes ago, el diego said:

Re: Connor, he wasn't on episode 1, was he? Once he gets on he'll probably be near the top of the list.

You're right, he wasn't on episode 1 but I put him on the list because he was mentioned and he will be on. 

Who is Not Bearded Eric? 

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5 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

You're right, he wasn't on episode 1 but I put him on the list because he was mentioned and he will be on. 

Who is Not Bearded Eric? 

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

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14 minutes ago, el diego said:

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

Oh, ok  *slaps forehead*

I agree thought that, in general, this is a mediocre group.  Even the ones I put in the highest group aren't the hottest guys I've ever seen, it's mainly because I like their personalities. 

Edited by Ohwell.
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I don't really find anybody currently on the show to be that attractive, honestly. I guess Kendall is pretty and seems nice, but the fact that she doesn't have a job, lives at home with her parents, and is interested in dead stuff is a turn off. She at least has a good body, though. I'm kind of surprised that none of the women hit the gym before embarking on a nationally televised show featuring them in bikinis 24/7. I'm particularly surprised by Bibiana, because I thought she looked good on Winter Games and expected her to show up ready to stir things up. Guess not. 

 

As for the guys, no frame of reference for them, so I'll go with Joe? Most of the guys seem creepy. Again, I liked Kevin on Winter Games but he seems like a tool now when he talks to Krystal. 

 

Hopefully they'll bring in some good looking people otherwise this season will be a snooze fest. Last season nobody really tried to hook up and we thought it was because of the scandal. But maybe these people just don't want to even try dating anymore, they just want TV time. 

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On 8/7/2018 at 5:18 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Tia is like the two face girl from Seinfeld. Her face can look witchy and then in another scene she looks okay.

I thought about this too!  It's the flare in her nose.

 

Is this just everyone from the Arie and Becca season? (rhetorical question)

 

Wills thought he would show more personality but STILL boring.  

I like Kendall and Grocery Joe but wonder what Joe's quirks are.  He has them.  

Kevin has a neanderthal face.

I want to like Bibiana so desperately but she is trying too hard now.   

We need more clips of Chelsea's dry humor.

 

I think all the clips of people coming back are just visits but Arie and Lauren do not need to come.  What are Marcus and Lacy up to?

Edited by IDreamofJoaquin.
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15 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

Honestly, I'm not feeling any of the guys this season, in the looks dept. I like Wills's style and his laid back attitude. Grocery Joe is okay. Colton is too greasy for me. I think he could look good but he just misses the mark. I like Venmo John's personality though he's just alright physically for me. Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

I’m totally with you, Mabinogia: Wills, Harrison, and Venmo John. The rest of these guys aren’t even in the strata of being dateable...but I guess they make for good TV.

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12 hours ago, Stan39 said:

 

I don't really find anybody currently on the show to be that attractive, honestly. I guess Kendall is pretty and seems nice, but the fact that she doesn't have a job, lives at home with her parents, and is interested in dead stuff is a turn off.

 

Kendall has a job and lives with a roommate.  She  does set design.  She was on Kaitlyn ‘Grape Therapy’ podcast a couple of weeks ago and said that.

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On ‎2018‎-‎08‎-‎10 at 7:42 AM, Ohwell said:

Same here!

Me too!  Hate the stuff and don't understand the need or desire for it.

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20 hours ago, el diego said:

They're both the same Eric. I just find his appearance so different between being bearded and not bearded that I felt it necessary to differentiate the two in my list.

Eric is nice looking to me with or without the beard, but I do agree that he looks way better with the beard. But then again, I'm a fan of beards and/or scruff on men.

11 hours ago, IDreamofJoaquin said:

What are Marcus and Lacy up to?

From what I recall, their marriage in Paradise was NOT legal and they broke up soon afterwards. I vaguely recall something about Marcus saying Lacy ghosted him once they got back to the U. S. or something in that vein. 

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On 8/10/2018 at 2:58 PM, Mabinogia said:

 Honestly, the best looking guy there, for me, is Wells. I still think he's hot. Second? Chris Harrison.

Really this is overall the least appealing group they've ever had in Paradise.

I will always be in Love with Chris Harrison.  I know many think he's the anti-Christ, but I will always adore him.  

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I always find Chris Harrison attractive on this show, too, and I think a lot of it is that unlike most of these guys, he's crossed that indefinable line between boy and man.  The Bachelors will be sitting around, talking wrong reasons or  whatever, and then Chris will walk in and I sit up a little straighter.  It's odd.

I do find Kenny extremely attractive, but I wouldn't trust the feeling (fillin?) in real life. I think it's that showmanship and charisma he has from his pro-wrestling. He had moments with Rachel when he dropped the "my daughter," script the show seemed to have him on and talked sincerely to her and I almost swooned.

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I too think Kenny is a quality man, he's just not right for THIS particular franchise.  He does enough "acting" in his day job, he doesn't need to get any deeper into this group.  After this season, he needs to bow out, find a decent local woman & go back to his real life.  

For me, Chris H. has charisma that is sorely lacking in a lot of men on TV these days.  He's smooth, yet relatable.  For me, he's a C-list George Clooney....Handsome enough to be a bit starstruck by, but you still feel like you could kick back with him & have a casual cocktail.  (Yes, I've given this all WAY too much thought! *LOL*)

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I've been watching continuously since Emily's season of the Bachelorette now, including all editions and spinoffs of the franchise since (although I couldn't finish either Kaitlyn's or Rachel's seasons because they respectively made my skin crawl and annoyed me).  

I think Kendall is absolutely beautiful.  I can only think of a few contestants/characters/whatever in all that time who've even come close.  She also seems to be an incredibly nice person.  I'm a fan.  

Edited by Shades of Scarlet.
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On 8/11/2018 at 6:51 PM, leighdear said:

I will always be in Love with Chris Harrison.  I know many think he's the anti-Christ, but I will always adore him.  

I will fight you with a mace and a Japanese steel katana for the love of Chris Harrison.

I think I love Jordan, simply for sitting on that filthy ass couch in his intro.  That thing was so soiled it was slick.  And cheering a guy up by pointing out he’s better than Colton because he’s not a Virgin and has better hair products.  Good counsel.

this should be a good season, once Bibiana is gone.  She’s a try hard with a dated schtick and unfortunate neck.  

Crystal! I missed her.  

A lot of Attractive women, including a 50 yo I’ve never seen before.  Some dumb guys, including that smug Colton.  Slim pickings.  I think the blonde is especially dumb. 

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On 8/7/2018 at 7:27 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

You just KNOW that on one of these "most dramatic seasons ev-ah" someone is going to go outside the "rules" and fall for the bartender. Go for it, Wells!

On 8/7/2018 at 7:29 PM, Armchair Critic said:

If I was Kendall I would hang onto Joe, I am not that impressed with the other guys there.

Who is that skinny foul-mouthed blandly blonde Nick guy? I do NOT remember him at all, but he is not attractive in any way. His personality and inability to say more than two un-bleeped words in a row and excessive bro-ness. Can't stand him. He needs to be the first to go. Pronto.

 

I don't remember Angela either, like at all.

Edited by ChiMama.
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16 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

this should be a good season, once Bibiana is gone.  She’s a try hard with a dated schtick and unfortunate neck.  

 

She reminds me so much of a "Survivor" contestant named Abi-Maria.  So unpleasant, confrontational, egotistical about her looks and ZERO ability to pick up on social cues.  She always managed to squeak by eliminations because there was inevitably somebody worse to boot out.  But every time I saw her on my screen, I wanted to throw my shoe at it.  Thankfully she never made it to the finals.

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On 8/7/2018 at 7:30 PM, leighdear said:
On 8/7/2018 at 7:27 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

Hes boyfriend to, and lives with Sarah Hyland, one of the stars of "Modern Family".  An ABC comedy.  Wells has connections now. 

Ah, didn't know this. She's a cutie!

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On 8/7/2018 at 7:58 PM, Ohwell said:
On 8/7/2018 at 7:47 PM, Wandering Snark said:

Raven keeps it classy as always, saying in the intro portion 'Down in Paradise where I had my first orgasm'.

Also, in the intro didn't she say something about her vagina?  I cringed.

I think that was Bibiana. Ugh.

On 8/7/2018 at 8:32 PM, Mabinogia said:

I would kill for Colton to pick anyone but Tia. But he will pick her. 

Ok, he is earning points with me for making her sweat it out at least. Anyone who makes her feel like shit is good with me. If she wants to talk to him, go fucking talk to him!!!!!

Colton's whole arrival and talking to other girls first, etc. was SO producer-driven, I could practically see the strings. Fake drama!

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On 8/7/2018 at 8:46 PM, Ms Blue Jay said:

Colton, even as a virgin, is way out of Tia's league, and she looks twenty years older than him.  ( @leighdear  I agree about the breasts and I'll raise you a nose and her lips and her teeth too)

Her nose? Really? It looked really long and prominent in profile shots . . . just sayin'

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On 8/7/2018 at 10:59 PM, Wandering Snark said:

I also love this concept that none of these people can contact each for months instead needing to only get together until it's via an officially sanctioned event in Bachelor Nation. Pick up a phone. Hell, message someone even!

Ditto that past Paradise residents must revisit to get engaged = Ashley I. and Jared. Way to extend that 15 minutes, kids. Thing is, marriage is a real thing and I give you about six months after the cameras turn off. I don't see ABC bankrolling a big Ashley/Jared wedding special. Nope.

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32 minutes ago, ChiMama said:

I think that was Bibiana. Ugh.

Yeah, it was already said upthread.  Thanks though.

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On 8/8/2018 at 2:10 PM, Kbilly said:

Kendall is stunningly beautiful--I can't imagine anyone not being able to stare in her presence. But when "Have you ever seen a dead body?" is your go-to small talk/flirt, that's not great!

Agreed. Wasn't there a girl once who was an actual funeral director? She made it to the hometown dates and put the hapless bachelor on the embalming table as I recall. Fun times. Kendall's patter seems somewhat producer-directed -- trying to amplify her "character." I will say that she delivered her lines very naturally . . . she seems like a very pleasant and intelligent girl.

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On 8/8/2018 at 11:08 PM, nicgwatchingtv said:

6. John, Kenny and Wills (and probably Joe) are too good for this. 

AGREED!

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I almost never wear foundation, my skin skill sucks, and I'm 26 lol.

On 8/9/2018 at 6:17 PM, Mabinogia said:

I also think Kendall is stunning. Again, another natural looking beauty. She's weird, but I like weird. I love that her getting to know you patter involved graveyard picnics and "have you ever seen a dead body". lol If I were there I'd hang out with her, and try to hook up with Wills, Wells and Venmo John and Joe the Grocer. They are the only ones I have much interest in.  

I am immensely gay for Kendall - I can't stop staring whenever she's on screen. She really is "the whole package," as these douchecanoes would say.

Sadly Wells is currently taken by the actress who plays the eldest daughter on Modern Family! Too tired to Google her name, but they're very cute together. OH it's Sarah Hyland!

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I think ABC might spring for an Ashley/Jared wedding, simply because of the D.R.A.M.A. and all the years, tears & mechanics it took them to get engaged. 

In fact, I think that even though neither was an actual Bachelor or Bachelorette, more people would watch their wedding than one for Kaitlyn & Shawn, JoJo & Jordan, Rachel & Bryan or Becca & Bubba.  

Can you IMAGINE the sheer volume of craptastic, glittery, sequined, over-the-top wedding essentials that Ashley I would demand?  And I think ABC would go right along with it.  The tackier the better!

I can't stand either of them, but it would be must-see viewing, just for the trashy, pagent value.  

Edited by leighdear.
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13 hours ago, ChiMama said:

Agreed. Wasn't there a girl once who was an actual funeral director? She made it to the hometown dates and put the hapless bachelor on the embalming table as I recall. Fun times. Kendall's patter seems somewhat producer-directed -- trying to amplify her "character." I will say that she delivered her lines very naturally . . . she seems like a very pleasant and intelligent girl.

I agree that her conversation appears to be attempting to drive the character she's creating, but I don't think she's very natural at delivering the lines. She seems like a smart person, but not terribly fun. There's something a little stilted and awkward about her that it doesn't surprise me when she's not all that sought after, despite being extremely pretty. 

Quote

Tia is like the two face girl from Seinfeld. Her face can look witchy and then in another scene she looks okay.

She does look stunning from some angles and then not so much from others, but Kevin is the real two-face for me. When he puts a hat on (I guess to cover that giant five-head) and turns his head, he's a dead ringer for James Marsden, who is super hot, but then from other angles and hatless, he looks hideous. 

From night 1 and the previews, it seems like this season has a crapload of people on it. I don't remember such a huge cast in the past.

Who is the constantly cursing blonde guy who was annoyed that he "wasted his time" on one of the girls? I can't place what season he's from, but he's giving off the biggest douche vibes of anyone there. He's totally that guy who's full of compliments until someone says no thanks and then he turns around and calls them a fat bitch or whatever. I really hope he's the rose-less one at the first ceremony, I watch this show for ridiculous people I don't see in real life, that guy could be found desperately trolling at any bar at 2 am anywhere.

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My brothers were on Millionaire a couple weeks back, in person, they said CH was pretty short with a big honker.....just sayin'

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I’m short with a big honker.  CH is made for me!

That one guy looks like Blob and a caveman had a fit baby, and The Godfather was that guy in the Stepbrothers movie with Will Farrell.  Very unsexy guy.  I think he put the moves on Crystal?

is Venmo a word I should know?

is Nysha the ER nurse who liked getting shooting victims?  Way cute on TB, but pretty forgettable here.

who the fuck is Astrid?  Does AARP know she’s here?

speaking of, the moron from Boca with the Mother.  Not funny, just really cringy. 

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4 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

s Venmo a word I should know?

 

Venmo is a pretty popular app that allows friends to share money.   Like you pick up the tab at dinner and your friends send you cash via Venmo.

If John really was part of its implementation, he's probably pretty wealthy.   

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On 8/8/2018 at 10:50 AM, backformore said:

Speaking of Colton and Tia -  I find it weird that Colton is being seen, by the other BiP folks, as the bad guy here.  He was "falling in love"  with Becca when Tia kind of pulled the plug by telling Becca, "no, I want him!"   That was kind of a bitchy move, IMHO.   Not that Becca would have cut him loose eventually anyway, but  Tia should have left it alone, and then contacted Colton afterwards.   

Word.

On 8/8/2018 at 8:17 PM, kazza said:

Is it just me or have the contestants become increasingly unlikable over the years? Even in the first seasons of BiP I remember kind of pulling for them to find someone, despite the somewhat ludicrous setting. Tenley, Jade, even Clare seemed sincere. I really couldn't care less what this crew - with a few exceptions - does and can't even finish watching a full episode. 

This season is def the worst in that regard.

On 8/9/2018 at 6:08 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

Actually, she reminds me of Debra Winger when she was in Urban Cowboy...

Good pull!

On 8/8/2018 at 8:34 AM, jackjill89 said:

I had to laugh at all the guys getting their undies in a bundle over Colton and Tia. Honestly, they need to stop the drama. They are like a bunch of 13 year old girls. 

OMG...yes!

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On 8/7/2018 at 11:59 PM, Wandering Snark said:

I kinda love Kendall but man she really is one odd bird

The exact wording I was going to use!

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I think the funniest thing is the preview of Ben in the sand screaming I am unlovableeeee.. this show even knows what a joke that line is . 

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I don’t think Colton should have to talk to Tia at all and I don’t understand why everyone is marrying them off just because she has a crush. Colton said that they only went on a couple of dates. It’s not really fair that literally everyone thinks he’s Tia’s man already. 

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On 8/13/2018 at 1:45 PM, Mu Shu said:

I’m short with a big honker.  CH is made for me!

That one guy looks like Blob and a caveman had a fit baby, and The Godfather was that guy in the Stepbrothers movie with Will Farrell.  Very unsexy guy.  I think he put the moves on Crystal?

is Venmo a word I should know?

is Nysha the ER nurse who liked getting shooting victims?  Way cute on TB, but pretty forgettable here.

who the fuck is Astrid?  Does AARP know she’s here?

speaking of, the moron from Boca with the Mother.  Not funny, just really cringy. 

I see what you did there.   I was honestly LOL!!!!! 

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On 8/10/2018 at 2:28 PM, Wandering Snark said:

tOce2Iu.thumb.png.f7d1ddf6445126edcac7595a2d07d728.png

OMG!  It looks like an elaborate tackle box.  Pun intended.

My sister, being the youngest with many years between her and my brother and I, was not being properly watched over and therefor never got the "no makeup until 16 and then no foundation" rule.  Her skin was a mess as a teen.  We finally convinced her at 20 something to kick the habit and she spent the summer around the house with her infant.  Her skin cleared up and she got color in her face and she noticed that Italians don't need mascara and eye liner/eye shadow.  She looked great.  She has recently, because she turned 50, gone back to the full regime and won't leave her house or let anyone in without her full mask on.  Her husband is beside himself since her skin looks like crap again and she thinks it's age but its the crap she slathers on.  [shakes head, walks away]

On 8/15/2018 at 6:26 PM, crgirl412 said:

who the fuck is Astrid?  Does AARP know she’s here?

I wish I had the rolling laughing emoji................................Hilarious.

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On 2018-08-09 at 6:43 PM, jumper sage said:

How about they learn to train their faces to be natural and not where make-up?  Who the hell wears make-up to a pool, beach etc?  My mom would scare us girls by telling us a family lore story of how some boy cousin ran screaming from the honeymoon room because his new wife's face was covered with craters once she took off her makeup.  Lesson learned.

That's a hilarious (and obviously fake story that your mom told you) but in essence, I've always thought that. I wouldn't want to impress somebody with my "flawless" looks and then one day, they see what I really looked like and are completely shocked. Not that I think I look that much different but other than grade seven (when I wore BLUE eyeshadow!), I've never worn much makeup. Also because I am somewhat lazy and I found it an enormous effort to use makeup removers to get it all off, especially around the eyes. I always thought that the wrinkles I am causing my wiping off the mascara and eyeshadow (gave up on eyeliner instantly), more than outweighed the benefits of highlighting my best feature.

On a related shallow note, I WAS that cousin. I met a guy at a house party (in grade 8 at that time) and agreed to go on a date with him. Unfortunately, we met and had a great conversation in the dark basement. When I actually saw him in the light, I saw - yep, tons of craters. Major acne problem. I made some excuse, cut it short and never saw him again. Shallow PreBabylonia.

On 2018-08-09 at 8:24 PM, xtwheeler said:

If others are unable to do the mental math required to understand makeup slightly alters one's appearance maybe one does not possess the requisite mental faculties to be entering into an adult relationship.

But please, tell us more about how the woman's skin texture was a legitimate reason to run screaming from a marriage. I guess I was naively under the impression that relationships like marriages* were meant to be based on more than literal skin-deep qualities.

*obviously not BiP relationships

Ha, you can't blame the young Jumper Sage for fables her mom told her! Of course a relationship (and ultimately that marriage) should be based on a lot more than looks once you've gone out for a while. Looks are most important when you first meet someone, but they are easily overtaken by more important qualities: intelligence, kindness, similar sense of humour, shared values, sincerity, communication skills etc. I myself am more of a sucker for charm than looks - his personality quickly affects how attractive I feel about him.  I do think someone that hides her looks under excessive makeup may have a problem with revealing her vulnerabilities though, and it may indicate some personal issues that are going to cause conflict down the road.

On 2018-08-10 at 8:00 AM, Mabinogia said:

Oh, there are women out there who know how to apply pounds of makeup that more than slightly alter their appearance. IDK why they would, but they do. And they spend a small fortune doing it. Remember Ashley I's makeup suitcase? The sad thing is, she's not an unattractive girl, but the Kardashians have taught her that she's not good enough so slather on all this shit we shill so we can get richer and richer off your stupidity!

I'm always suspicious of any woman who wears full makeup to the beach, or in bed, especially in bed. Honey, your skin needs to breath sometime!

Of course, when I was a teen and tried to wear makeup I got so agitated with having something on my face that I'd wash it off by lunch (if I made it that far). I still don't wear foundation to this day. Coincidentally (or not so) I have very good skin.

I recall going camping in my teen years and beyond, and there were always a couple of women busy putting on loads of makeup and blow drying their hair after daily shampooing. The remainder of us were happy enough to wander around without bugs in her hair. Hygiene definitely should take a tumble when you are roughing it!

On 2018-08-10 at 2:12 PM, JudyObscure said:

I once had a short term allergy problem with my skin and wore Clinique's total coverage make-up for a few months before going back to my usual cheap Cover Girl liquid.  It wasn't any "more," make-up or slathered on,  it was just more opaque.   If someone has chronic acne or very uneven skin tone and regularly wears the sort of make-up that gives good coverage, that just makes sense to me. 

I'm always surprised when people  can tell who is wearing lots of make-up and who isn't. I remember the year Jade was declared more natural and wholesome than the other women because we could see her freckles -- Jade, the wholesome porn model. 

  As far as I can tell through TV cameras and Spectrum cable,  they are all wearing, foundation, blush, lipstick,  eye liner, mascara,  gobs of hair product, and in most, if not all, cases, false eyelashes, fake hair extensions and $6000 worth of surgically implanted saline inside their breasts.   Given all that, the cost or weight of  the woman's foundation barely counts to me in the naturalness contest.

I am pretty much clueless about that too, unless we are talking Ashley I levels of makeup worship. I do tend to notice the fake eyelashes though, and fake boobs. I wouldn't say ALL the women have implants though, some of them are quite small/flat - like Kendall and um Chelsea, I think. Tia's are definitely fake (just like her personality and manufactured drama) but I think Bibi is natural and perhaps some of the other women that I am not so familiar with - ie Astrid & Angela, I didn't watch the seasons they were on and can't tell yet.

On 2018-08-10 at 2:28 PM, Wandering Snark said:

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More than the Amazing Suitcase of Cosmetics, I am truly amazed at the cheapness of the set. Really, they couldn't whip up (a la Trading Spaces) a reasonable fascimile of a dresser or makeup table? I truly feel like BIP is just phoning it in this year. I don't know why, they must have saved a lot of cash from Becca's World O'Cheap Bachelorette.

On 2018-08-10 at 2:43 PM, LennieBriscoe said:

Some of the women might need to consult Jordan; he's no doubt got the perfect skincare regimen for the tropics!

And pithy phrases,  too,  like,  "Jordan doesn't sweat the sweat." Or "Jordan's got the glow,  not the glisten." Or "Jordan Skincare is Professionality."

I'd  buy it! 😁

I love Jordan! His dialogue is SOOOO much funnier than anyone else, I honestly think he is coming up with it on his own. Probably from his stock dialogue on how to amuse your buddies at parties. I suspect he is far more intelligent than we are given to believe, he is just fully embracing the role for the career opportunities it affords. I breathlessly await his own reality show.

On 2018-08-10 at 2:51 PM, el diego said:

Can someone please explain to me why Colton is getting all this hate from other cast members (I mean, I think I know actually why, but...) on how he handled the Tia situation? Let's recap:

1. Colton and Tia meet before The Bachelorette and have a brief time (a weekend?) together.

2. Colton decides to go on The Bachelorette (knowing it's not Tia, I believe?)

3. On The Bachelorette, Tia tells Becca there is no issue with Becca going after Colton as it is done between them.

4. Colton tells Becca it is done between them.

5. Tia tells Becca that actually, she does have "fillins" for Colton.

6. Becca sends Colton home.

7. Neither Tia nor Colton contact each other.

8. Tia goes on BiP hoping to find Colton, he's not there, so she goes on a date with Chris.

9. Colton shows up and doesn't talk to Tia immediately.

Where in the world did Colton do anything remotely wrong in that list? And don't get me twisted, I don't like Colton. I do think he is a lying famewhore even by Bachelor standards (Goose Gang reason for hating him), but Tia is completely self-centered if she thinks he owes her anything. I'm guessing the reason that other girls hate him is some girl code thing? In any case, Tia is absolutely insufferable.

Moving on, I find the discussion on who finds who attractive pretty interesting, so for data collection purposes (and while I'm making lists) here's my official ranking of the female cast members' attractiveness:

1. Kendall

*GAP*
2. Chelsea

3. Astrid

4. Annaliese

5. Bibianna

6. Nysha

*GAP*
7. Krystal

8. Angela

9. Tia

Honestly, the gap after Kendall is so large that the rest of the list is borderline meaningless. If I were on BiP and Kendall wasn't interested in me I wouldn't even try with the rest of the Day 1 cast. I feel bad putting Angela that low (and below Krystal) because she seems pretty cool, but she's just not my type.

Stray thoughts:

- I sure hope we don't end up hating Joe. I haven't seen anything to indicate that, but it's just a gut feeling that he does something bad.

- Building off that: I always say that the Bachelor series has a lot of parallels with pro wrestling. One of these is that they try to groom characters, often have fan favourites fall into their laps (rather than be the one's they thought would be popular), then they run that character/gimmick into the ground and over-expose them to the point the fans don't like them anymore.

- David seems like an actively shitty person.

- Jordan's commentary is great, it's too bad that he looks like he's gonna get sucked into drama.

- The Goose Gang hyping up Chris at the end was one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the whole series.

- Something about the way Leo says "Have fun with grocery store bitch" in the previews seems so fake to me

- Tia had work done on her boobs, for some reason.

- The change to Wells' intro from last year was a nice touch. Character development and story telling!

- The producers aren't even trying to hide their machinations anymore, are they?

*Fleiss. They just couldn't wait to see what natural human interest stories arose. Or maybe it turns out to be the lamest BIP yet, so they inserted most of it afterwards.

 

1. Krystal (looks, not personality)

2. Kendall

3. Chelsea

4. Bibiana

5. Annaliese

6. Angela

7. Nysha (I don't know anything about her & she comes across as completely bored/boring here, but superficially attractive)

8.  Astrid

{Gap}

9. Tia

On 2018-08-10 at 5:45 PM, Ohwell said:

I disagree about Joe, but I do think it's only fair to rate the men.  I put 'em in groups... 

Top of the heap:

Jordan

Joe

Kenny

Wells

Eric

Middle of the pack:

Connor

Colton

David

Venmo John

Bottom of the barrel:

Kevin

Nick

Wills 

Chris

 

On 2018-08-10 at 6:37 PM, el diego said:

I'm a straight male but I'll give ranking the guys a shot. Re: Connor, he wasn't on episode 1, was he? Once he gets on he'll probably be near the top of the list.

1. Wills

2. Joe

3. Jordan

4. Bearded Eric

5. David

6. Colton

7. John

8. Beardless Eric

9. Kenny

10. Chris

11. Nick

12. Kevin

Again, I feel bad rating Kevin at the bottom because I think he's one of the coolest guys there. It's kinda hard for me because I don't really have a type e.g. I'm sure the vast majority of girls would clearly take Colton over John, but my girlfriend (though she hasn't stated it) would almost certainly be more physically attracted to John because he's all angles while Colton is a fridge. Speaking of Colton, a lot of my female friends comment on how attractive he is, but I can't imagine how they get past his baby face. And when I say baby face I don't mean young looking, I mean literal baby.

I agree that this is an underwhelming group. But then again, I think the girls are an underwhelming group, so it's probably good for match ups.

Interesting. This is my grouping:

1. Jordan

2. Joe

3. Wills

4. Kenny

5. Eric

6. John

7. Colton

8. David

9. Kevin

10. Chris

11. Nick

*I can't remember what Connor looks like, but was he the bozo that threw Lincoln's photo into the pool?

**I wouldn't count Wells, since he isn't really part of the cast and is living with Sarah. Didn't see his season either, just his bartending last year.

***Chris Harrison is 50/50 to me. Don't find him attractive when he is smarmy but do find him attractive when he is actively making fun of himself, as he usually does on BIP. Love a man with a self-deprecating sense of humour!

On 2018-08-11 at 3:44 PM, ECM1231 said:

Eric is nice looking to me with or without the beard, but I do agree that he looks way better with the beard. But then again, I'm a fan of beards and/or scruff on men.

From what I recall, their marriage in Paradise was NOT legal and they broke up soon afterwards. I vaguely recall something about Marcus saying Lacy ghosted him once they got back to the U. S. or something in that vein. 

I find the scruffiness attractive on some men, not others. My #1 choice for an attractive scruffy man is Viggo Mortensen, not so hot when he is cleaned up. In a cast full of attractive men, Viggo was the standout in the Lord of the Rings movies. I too think Eric looks much better with the beard. My problem with him has always been his vocabulary - it's awful. I couldn't be with a man that spoke that way. I also recall that he had some major anger management control in his Rachel season. But he is fairly young, so maybe will outgrow it. Based on watching just this one (and I am quite behind), it looks like he is being Friend Zoned. Looks like he may need to work on other things (career) before he can be taken seriously as a romantic partner.

On 2018-08-11 at 6:51 PM, leighdear said:

I will always be in Love with Chris Harrison.  I know many think he's the anti-Christ, but I will always adore him.  

I mostly like him but I do think he falls in line when they are dealing with controversy. I felt like the reveal of the Bachelor death was extremely manipulated, he didn't have to participate and milk it for show drama.

On 2018-08-12 at 9:22 PM, Mu Shu said:

I will fight you with a mace and a Japanese steel katana for the love of Chris Harrison.

I think I love Jordan, simply for sitting on that filthy ass couch in his intro.  That thing was so soiled it was slick.  And cheering a guy up by pointing out he’s better than Colton because he’s not a Virgin and has better hair products.  Good counsel.

this should be a good season, once Bibiana is gone.  She’s a try hard with a dated schtick and unfortunate neck.  

Crystal! I missed her.  

A lot of Attractive women, including a 50 yo I’ve never seen before.  Some dumb guys, including that smug Colton.  Slim pickings.  I think the blonde is especially dumb. 

 

On 2018-08-12 at 9:36 PM, ChiMama said:

Who is that skinny foul-mouthed blandly blonde Nick guy? I do NOT remember him at all, but he is not attractive in any way. His personality and inability to say more than two un-bleeped words in a row and excessive bro-ness. Can't stand him. He needs to be the first to go. Pronto.

 

I don't remember Angela either, like at all.

Ahhhhh Nick. He came across as a quiet dark horse that reminded me of Simon Baker on Becca's season. I think it would have done much more for his reputation if he hadn't appeared on BIP. We wouldn't have known that he's a drunken douche.

I don't remember Angela either, but I suspect she was on a season I didn't watch, like that Ben Higgins. If the Bachelor or Bachelorette is very unappealing, I skip the entire season. As I will do if he is chosen again, as I read he might be. 

On 2018-08-12 at 9:42 PM, leighdear said:

She reminds me so much of a "Survivor" contestant named Abi-Maria.  So unpleasant, confrontational, egotistical about her looks and ZERO ability to pick up on social cues.  She always managed to squeak by eliminations because there was inevitably somebody worse to boot out.  But every time I saw her on my screen, I wanted to throw my shoe at it.  Thankfully she never made it to the finals.

EEEEEEK! I remember Abi-Maria. Not so bad on her second, briefer season but I definitely "TV Show Hated" her. I definitely agree. These inexplicable bouts of anger. You have to wonder what on earth these producers are whispering in her ear....

On 2018-08-12 at 10:25 PM, ChiMama said:

Agreed. Wasn't there a girl once who was an actual funeral director? She made it to the hometown dates and put the hapless bachelor on the embalming table as I recall. Fun times. Kendall's patter seems somewhat producer-directed -- trying to amplify her "character." I will say that she delivered her lines very naturally . . . she seems like a very pleasant and intelligent girl.

I remember her! She was awesome. Definitely the most interesting woman in her season. Oddly enough, I have forgotten the bachelor. It might have been that blonde guy - the one that keeps showing up. Married with one or two kids now. Anyway, must have something to do with dealing with dead bodies. Makes you innately interesting. Like Norman Bates....

On 2018-08-13 at 12:01 PM, ljenkins782 said:

I agree that her conversation appears to be attempting to drive the character she's creating, but I don't think she's very natural at delivering the lines. She seems like a smart person, but not terribly fun. There's something a little stilted and awkward about her that it doesn't surprise me when she's not all that sought after, despite being extremely pretty. 

She does look stunning from some angles and then not so much from others, but Kevin is the real two-face for me. When he puts a hat on (I guess to cover that giant five-head) and turns his head, he's a dead ringer for James Marsden, who is super hot, but then from other angles and hatless, he looks hideous. 

From night 1 and the previews, it seems like this season has a crapload of people on it. I don't remember such a huge cast in the past.

Who is the constantly cursing blonde guy who was annoyed that he "wasted his time" on one of the girls? I can't place what season he's from, but he's giving off the biggest douche vibes of anyone there. He's totally that guy who's full of compliments until someone says no thanks and then he turns around and calls them a fat bitch or whatever. I really hope he's the rose-less one at the first ceremony, I watch this show for ridiculous people I don't see in real life, that guy could be found desperately trolling at any bar at 2 am anywhere.

Yes, Kendall IS very awkward, and she seems to get very dehydrated during her talks, maybe from anxiety. I agree she is very intelligent but I don't think she is lacking in fun, just more introverted than extroverted. So a very strange choice to go on these reality dating shows - but the Bachelor producers seem to love her. I think I would prefer to see her hosting a TV science show, or perhaps a dating show for nerds.

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4 hours ago, PreBabylonia said:

Yes, Kendall IS very awkward, and she seems to get very dehydrated during her talks, maybe from anxiety. I agree she is very intelligent but I don't think she is lacking in fun, just more introverted than extroverted. So a very strange choice to go on these reality dating shows - but the Bachelor producers seem to love her. I think I would prefer to see her hosting a TV science show, or perhaps a dating show for nerds.

Hah, bring back 'Beauty and the Geek' it'd be perfect, she'd be so relatable.

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On 2018-08-17 at 2:21 PM, Wandering Snark said:

Hah, bring back 'Beauty and the Geek' it'd be perfect, she'd be so relatable.

I actually had that show in mind, I loved it back in the day. So very very entertaining.

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Unfortunately Leo has joined the ranks of "better have quit while you were ahead" and not gone to Paradise as (1) attacking a fan favorite like Joe is never good and (2) he's stayed on the radar of folks and now is embroiled in a sexual harassment claim at work:

http://www.tmz.com/2018/08/08/bachelorette-leo-dottavio-sexual-harassment-universal-studios-investigating/

 

 

 

 

Ok so when Leo was on Bachelorette and they indicated he was a Stuntman, I thought he worked as a real stuntman on movie sets and tv shows. Instead he performs stunts in front of audiences at Universal Studios? Ok, now I see why Becca dumped him, which is good since apparently he's not the sweet guy we thought he was. 

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On 8/24/2018 at 11:14 AM, birdmom said:

Ok so when Leo was on Bachelorette and they indicated he was a Stuntman, I thought he worked as a real stuntman on movie sets and tv shows. Instead he performs stunts in front of audiences at Universal Studios? Ok, now I see why Becca dumped him, which is good since apparently he's not the sweet guy we thought he was. 

So Leo is a Universal Studio Bitch?  Lol, what a weenie.

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