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All Episodes Talk: 150 Percent Of Your Anime Drama (Toonami Pace)

This week: Polnareff falls prey to primo asshole Alessi, whose Stand turns him into a kid. A kid in oversized clothes with the white Guile hair. And Jotaro didn't put two and two together. Bullshit. He probably followed the dumbass Frenchman around, waiting to unleash Star Platinum on Aleesi at the perfect moment. On the bright side Totnareff is kinda cute. Lil Silver Chariot is cuter, though.

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"Hmm...this kid has clothing like Polnareff's, and his hair is like Polnareff's, and his earrings are exactly the same as Polnareff's...that can only mean...that they're both following the same fashion trend! Good grief."

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I found this episode to be pretty boring.  Not a fan of Polnareff.  

 

Also, I feel like they should have had this closing song (Last Train Home) for the previous season and "Walk like an Egyptian" for this season since last season they were traveling and now they are in Egypt. 

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On 4/8/2018 at 1:00 AM, Sandman87 said:

It looked like the dog was being pulled rather than his chain.

Here's my mind went. Even for Robot Chicken, it's dark.

 

On 4/17/2018 at 10:43 AM, Matt K said:

Also, I feel like they should have had this closing song (Last Train Home) for the previous season and "Walk like an Egyptian" for this season since last season they were traveling and now they are in Egypt. 

I reckon the melancholy nature of the music fits better in the second half of the anime.

I haven't checked . . . has "Diamond Is Unbreakable" been dubbed?

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1 hour ago, Lantern7 said:

Here's my mind went. Even for Robot Chicken, it's dark.

I don't even have to click the link to know which RC video clip that is.

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This week: Alessi basically torments the shit out of Polnareff, making him even younger. Also, as per @jbrecken, he turned Polnareff's rescuer into a fetus. Polnareff does get in some decent movies . . . like shitting in the tub as Alessi tries to drown him. And then setting up a semi-intricate hiding place and ambushing Alessi, using Silver Chariot to slice the hell out of that ugly face. Alessi gets knocked out of the window . . . and lands in front of Jotaro. Alessi actually uses Seth to shrink Jotaro down to seven years . . . and back then, he didn't have Star Platinum. Unfortunately, Alessi doesn't realize that Jotaro was fuckin' tough for a seven-year-old. One knocked-out a-hole later, the re-aged Jotaro and Polnareff use their Stands to Team Rocket Alessi. The end.

Well, there is a bit of denouement with Polnareff biding the lady goodbye without revealing what had happened. Either Polnereff really is a gentleman, or "Some guy turned you into a fetus" was too big a hassle to explain. The guys meet Joseph and Avdol, who are recovering from their battle with Mariah, and DIO's residence is revealed.

Lil Jotaro shouting "ORA ORA ORA!!!!" was adorable. Also, I was wrong about Jotaro playing dumb. In his defense, I forgot that Adult Polnareff has the eraser hair. Lil Polnareff had the Guile hair.

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If anyone ever asks me "Hey, what anime would be the best one to watch if I want to throw up?", I can now supply them with a definitive answer. Bonus link: How to say "poo" in Japanese.

The trick that Polnareff pulled with the aquarium and the mirror is a pretty common way for stage magicians to hide things from the audience.

I like the fact that Alessi's axe is clearly labeled. Might be embarrassing if he mistook it for his toothbrush.

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In case you missed "D'Arby The Gambler":

Joseph: Okay, men! We got a fix on where DIO is hiding out! We get to him, kick his ass, and comfort Holly within the week! Now . . . let's drink tea in a dramatic and synchronized manner and shake down people for information!

D'Arby: I may be able to help you . . .

[record scratch . . . the screen freezes]

Narrator: Hello! I am your humble narrator! If you just started watching the series, you should know what the seasoned otaku already know: Our Heroes suffer from a brain ailment found in so many shonen protagonists. They are wary of encountering Stand users. They feel ready to face down those minions of DIO. But when one of those foes just ambles up to them . . . well . . .

[action resumes]

D'Arby: That's it. You win the bet, I give you gentlemen the information you need. If I win, I get your soul.

Polnareff: I feel really good about my chances!

[record scratch/freeze]

Narrator: Polanreff doesn't have this ailment. He's just that stupid. Lets fast-forward the next two minutes . . .

[resumes]

Polnareff: MON DIEU!!!!! WHY DID THE CAT GO FOR THE SMALLER PIECE?!? [Osiris kneads Polnareff's soul into a poker chip]

Joseph: HOLY OH MY GOD SHIT!!!!

Jotaro & Avdol: [facepalming] Such a dumbass.

Narrator: I know, right?!?

D'Arby: Full disclosure? I'm a gambler, I have a Stand, I set up situations, and then I take people's souls when they lose!

Joseph: Ahhhhh! But what if I set up the game?!?

Avdol: Mr. Joestar, I advise strongly against this course of action!

Joseph: Avdol, I know what I'm doing. The way I'll set this game up, I can't help but win. And you do know why?

Jotaro: Because you'll cheat your ass off?

Joseph: Each of us Joestars have a thing. My grandfather was the noble one. You're the stoic badass. I'm the guy that does whatever it takes to win! Just watch!!

Narrator: They never learn, do they? Moving the action forward . . .

Joseph:SON OF AN OH MY SHIT !!!! (loses his soul)

Avdol: You monster!!! You cheated!!!!!

D'Arby: Let me get this right . . . Mr. Joestar rigs a game, he's the good guy. I figure out a way to win, I'm still the bad guy. And you're supposed to be the noble one.

Jotaro: Enough bullshit. My turn!

Avdol: We've lost two men already!

Jotaro: Look, if I lose, you play him. You lose, grab Iggy and use him as a shield. Osiris gets his soul, you get one more shot.

Avdol: Didn't we have another member of our party? A mild-mannered redhead that attended your school?

Jotaro: Good grief. A Japanese guy can't have red hair. That's impossible, Avdol. Now . . . I'm going to play poker to get our friends’ souls back from this asshole. You know . . . normal stuff.

Edited by Lantern7.
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I suppose that D'Arby just hands around in cafes with his cat running loose nearby, just on the off chance that someone will be dumb enough to wager their soul on the Cat Challenge. And that the cat is well trained enough to read the mind of whoever he's wagering against and go for the other piece.

D'Arby's stand would have been better suited (no pun intended) for Devo and his Devil tarot.

Edited by Sandman87.
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No dialogue spoof from me this week, because the action was just too damn funny to parody. Basically, Jotaro gets inside D'Arby's head, and the expert gambler turns into a gibbering wreck of a man. I think he even aged 30-40 years in the process . . . and unlike Baron Zeppelli, he didn't have to get cut in half to make that happen.

Seriously, what's not to love? Jotaro puts his soul on the line . . . and Avdol's . . . and Kakioyin's . . . and his ailing mother's . . . without even looking at his cards. And it worked. You gotta dig Jotaro. In situations where Star Platinum can't just knock out the problem, Jotaro's nerves and stone face work just as well. And the Stand did some work in snaring a cigarette and drink for Jotaro, as D'Arby kept waiting for Jotaro to reveal his big move . . . which turned out to be "Making D'Arby look like he mistook a golden cup for the Holy Grail." Love to Avdol as well . . . Jotaro puts up Kakioyin's soul, Avdol yells at him for being uncouth. Afterward, upon seeing Jotaro's shitty hand (D'Arby had four kings, which was pretty tough to beat in a "normal" situation), Avdol almost fainted. And the kid/ringer dealer probably shit his pants as well.

Spoiler

Next week: The return of Hol Horse . . . and Boingo Mondatta, Did we really care about either of them? I mean, all Hol Horse suffered was humiliation from Enyaba. Mondatta just got pummeled.

Edited by Lantern7.
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An entire episode without Jojo yelling "Oh my God!!!"

I swear that I've seen that exact poker scenario before somewhere, where the protagonist doesn't even look at his hand and bluffs the hell out of the other guy. Can't remember where though. Another anime? A movie? A book? TV show?

I bet Jotaro knew the entire time that the kid was in on D'Arby's scam.

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13 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

I swear that I've seen that exact poker scenario before somewhere, where the protagonist doesn't even look at his hand and bluffs the hell out of the other guy. Can't remember where though. Another anime? A movie? A book? TV show?

The climax in Maverick where Mel Gibson doesn't even look at the final card dealt to him? That's all I got. Also: if TV poker was like the match between Jotaro and D'arby, I would totally watch on a regular basis.

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I was disappointed that D'Arby didn't have Wishing Well powers.

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This week: Wild West stereotype Hol Horse teams with Boingo Mondatta, and it goes past this episode. So, yeah, Mondatta is peaking.

After losing a dick-measuring contest with DIO, Hol Horse comes to Cairo (more on that below) and more or less abducts Mondatta. Turns out Oingo Zenydatta is still recovering from getting blown up and pummeled, so the little brother has free time. There's not much time with the Crusaders. Mostly, it's Mondatta telling Hol Horse to BELIEVE in the prophecies of Toth (yes!), and Hol Horse not buying into in completely. Then "fate" and the book compel him to kick a woman in the neck. Turns out she had a scorpion on her ready to sting, and she gives him a valuable necklace. We end with the French stereotype getting the drop on the American stereotype,, and Hol Horse -- going by the book -- shoving his fingers up Polnareff's nose. And that's where we end. Also, the credits with imagery from Toth.

I'm not getting the airport scene. It's been established that the Crusaders are really close to DIO. Hol Horse and DIO have their scene at the beginning. Only thing I can think that makes sense is that Hol Horse flew to wherever Mondatta was, then came back. But I don't know if a flight was needed. Once again, I need a life.

Edited by Lantern7.
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Something a friend of mine used to be fond of saying: "You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose." Enemy noses are evidently fair game. I'm a little curious how that's going to translate into Team Jotaro losing blood.

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For anybody reading this: Toonami is running the original finale of FLCL, so everything afterward gets bumped back fifteen minutes, including JBA. Also, there’s an FLCL marathon next week, so no “new” episode.

ETA: In most stories, one of the Crusaders earns status as the best guy. Last time, it was Jotaro mindfucking D'arby. Before that, it was Polnareff thinking fast even after Alessi shrunk him down to a three-year-old. With "Hol Horse & Mondatta," the Crusaders are clueless about the whole stories. And it was all Hol Horse's fault. I don't blame him for giving himself to Boingo's Mondatta's book. But he . . .

  • Forgot his Stand was invisible to most naked eyes.
  • Not realizing his watch was fast and that there was a big clock nearby.
  • Completely forgetting that Emperor fires magic bullets that always find its target. Unless something gets in the way. Like Hol Horse's head, for instance.

Anyway, Whole Horse's Ass goes to the hospital, and Mondatta decides to do good things with his life. Before that, he kicks a box in the air to symbolize his casting off weakness. But it lands on Iggy's head. And Iggy does not take it well at all. He doesn't even break out Fool. Just keeps biting the little bastard and sending him to the hospital. And the Crusaders officially lose another God Stand user. But you have to admit, it was pretty hysterical, as fate kept smacking people around. And Polnareff -- held at Emperor-point -- trying to signal the others of Hol Horse through his tongue. That was funny.

I've been poking around on a Jojo Wikia. Toth's illustration of Hol Horse's bullets looking human reminded me of Sex Pistols, a Stand used in Vento Aureo (the fifth volume of the series).

Edited by Lantern7.
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Polnareff has a tongue like a bear. For a moment I thought he might accidentally stick it in his own ear.

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Pet Shop went all Suburbia and ran with the dogs.

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“It’s awesome being the world’s wealthiest beggar! I’ll just take this and go back to Mr. Joestar and his weird friends! Say, that’s an unusual-looking falcon above me. And a gigantic icicl-OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, FUUUU-“

Like I said, anybody the Crusaders meet is either an agent of DIO, or about to be killed by one. This week: surly, dog-murdering falcon. Well, at least Iggy is earning his keep. He might as well have been at the hospital all this time, keeping Kakyoin company.

Edited by Lantern7.
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So far we've got stand-using gorillas, dogs, and falcons. What's next, a villainous stand-using houseplant? Or maybe it'll be an evil hot dog.

 

6 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

It’s awesome being the world’s wealthiest beggar!

Real life: One of the reporters for the local weekly alternative news magazine here spent a couple of weeks watching our town's beggars. More than one of them ended up driving home in some sort of luxury car that they had parked near their begging spots.

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This week: Iggy loses a paw, but he stands tall and proud, killing DIO's pet falcon, Pet Shop. Afterward, he unites with the Crusaders, who are now joined by Kakioyin, fresh off the inactive list. Iggy leads the team to Mansion DIO, and we get another montage of highlights set to "Stand Proud," as we get closely to the end of "Stardust Crusaders." Sadly, it might be a while before "Diamond Is Unbreakable" gets dubbed. Toonami sticking a subtitled version at 3:30 would be nice, but I'm not expecting that. Shit, Japanese audiences are still waiting on anime adaptations of "Vento Aureo," "Stone Ocean," "Steel Ball Run" and "Jojolion." That's Joe-Joe-Lee-On, not Joe-Joe-Lie-On.

Edited by Lantern7.
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