Jessica Jones Quotes

Jeri: I also received a call from Spheeris' attorney. Spheeris claims you, and I quote, "lifted his car overhead and threatened him with your laser eyes."
Jessica: Pathetic.
Jeri: Did you threaten him?
Jessica: Yup, with my laser eyes. And he believed that bullshit. I could have said my hands were blenders. Clearly, there's no IQ test for owning a strip club.

Gina: My marriage is over. We don't even do oral anymore.

Jessica: You know why I live alone?
Neighbor: People don't like you?

Jessica: Excuse me?
Nurse: Sorry, I got a fecal situation in 602.
Jessica: This is my first day. I can't mess it up. Dr. Carter already hates me.
Nurse: Dr. Carter?
Jessica: He's the new Head of Oncology. Please.
Nurse: Well, just... Ugh, make it quick.
Jessica: It's this computer system. It's nothing like my old hospital.
Nurse: Where are you from?
Jessica: Seattle Grace.
Nurse: Like on TV?

Jessica: Omigawd, you're relentless.
Trish: Well, I take that as a compliment.
Jessica: Then you heard it wrong.
Trish: Okay, try this. "Thanks, Trish, for fixing my door. It was very thoughtful of you, given there's a maniac on the loose."

Jessica: Yoga's not exercising. It's stretching.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo.

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Jessica: So just how unbreakable are you?
Luke: On a scale from "I don't know" to "I'd rather not find out."

Luke: So what else can you do? Can you punch through a wall? Can you stop a moving car?
Jessica: A slow moving car.
Luke: Can you fly?
Jessica: It's more like jumping and then falling.

Jessica: Do you know any drug dealers?
Luke: I own a bar in Hell's Kitchen. What do you think?

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Manager: What do you want?
Jessica: The same thing as you.
Manager: For you to quit?
Jessica: Actually it's better if you fire me and give me six months' severance pay and a glowing recommendation..

Jessica: I need to update my resume. Would you put day drinking under experience or special skills?

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Simpson: I can help.
Jessica: Thanks, but I don't need you.
Simpson: Uh, yeah, you do.
Trish: No, she doesn't. [to Jessica] But seriously, he could be useful.

Jessica: This is a safe house? It looks like a '70s furniture outlet.

Simpson: I borrowed it from a buddy. No rental record. Nondescript. False plates.
Trish: Your basic pedophile's kidnapping van.

Trish: Fine, be the naked superhero. That can be your alias.
Jessica: Well, it's better than the name you came up with.
Trish: Jewel is a great superhero name.
Jessica: Jewel is a stripper's name, a really slutty stripper. And if I wear that thing, you're gonna have to call me Cameltoe.

Simpson: If anyone walks up, just pretend to be on the phone. Do not engage.
Jessica: She's a celebrity She's used to dealing with weirdos. [looks at Simpson] Usually.
Simpson: Yeah, well, she's dealt with you all these years, so...
Trish: Okay, let's go back to tense silence, I think.

Jessica: If Kilgrave gets me-
Simpson: I'll take you out.
Jessica: I was gonna say, "Dart gun me." But sure, shoot me in the head.

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Luke: Are you high?
Malcolm: I wish.

Jeri: Were you just rude to Pam?
Jessica: I'm rude to everyone.

Jessica: I prefer repression.
Malcolm: And self medication.

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Jessica: Jazzercise?
Malcolm: Running actually helps with sobriety.
Jessica: Sobriety blows.

Robin: [Jessica]'s a sexual predator! [Ruben]'s just a boy!
Malcolm: In his 20s.

Trish: Just let us handle it until-
Jessica: Until what? Until I come home and find my landlady choked out in my bathtub? Or I find you bludgeoned to death with my vacuum cleaner?
Trish: We both know you don't own a vacuum cleaner.

Kilgrave: I'm new to love but I know what it looks like. I do watch television.

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Jessica: I will not stay in a house with slaves.
Kilgrave: Oh, now you're just being sanctimonious. Tell Jessica whether or not you are happy with your salary.
Laurent: Absolutely. I make twice as much as my last job, from which I was fired due to a drinking problem.
Kilgrave: See? Some of us give people a second chance.

Kilgrave: How do you people live like this? Day after day, just hoping people are gonna do what you want. It's unbearable.

Jessica: I'll be having a liquid dinner. Another bottle, please.
Kilgrave: You ever think you might drink too much?
Jessica: It's the only way I get through my goddamn days after what you did to me.
Kilgrave: You blame me for your drinking problem?
Jessica: It's the truth.
Kilgrave: Come on, it wasn't all bad. I mean, certainly it ended roughly.
Jessica: You call making me murder a woman "ending roughly"?

Kilgrave: You knew [the bomb] was here?
Jessica: Lucky guess.
Kilgrave: Well, my lucky guess is that it was Trish's missing Officer Simpson. He would have killed sweet little Alva and Laurent, too.
Jessica: You've killed more people as an afterthought.
Kilgrave: I've never killed anyone.
Jessica: You use your powers to compel murder.
Kilgrave: Oh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.

Jessica: I just can't handle another death on my conscience. Even if it's yours. You'd know the feeling if you had a conscience.
Kilgrave: I have a conscience. It's... just more selective. I care if you die. The rest are fungible.

Wendy: I built everything around you. And now you're not there. You have Pam, and I have nothing.
Jeri: I'm sorry.
Wendy: Well, I'm going to have to ask you to say that with cash.

Police officer: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Kilgrave: We can go about our business. Move along.
Police officer: Move along.
Jessica: Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Kilgrave: But cooler.

Jessica: You can't kill him.
Kilgrave: No, but he can kill himself. The man's clearly insane. He is never gonna be a productive member of society.
Jessica: That is not for you to decide.
Kilgrave: He will go to prison and feed off the tit of the taxpayers.
Jessica: You've never paid a goddamn tax in your life.
Kilgrave: Fair enough. All right.
 

Edited by The Crazed Spruce. Reason: Removed link to quote site

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