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Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

If Jill is also dating - oops, I mean courting - I wonder if they'd ever have a double wedding like the Bradys did.

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My brains are going to explode!! Did y'all see the video of Jill's "boyfriend"? Finally admitted to... Just can't believe that JimBob wants his sons-in-law to be his boyfriends first!! There is something quite wrong with that guy. There is no way that real, true love is realized between two people who have never met in person or spent any time together...alone. Jill and Jessa are so "first crush" infatuated, like 13 year old girls, so quite obvious to this old lady. Their own parents don't know the difference. How can they justify listening in on conversations via SKYPE! It is utterly intrusive. You can see how uncomfortable Jill is with the whole thing. they marry off child/girls who are 20 something years old. When these girls start to court, there really is no alternative but to end up"wallking down the aisle". That is what they are totally trained for. I guess there goes Jill's midwifery goals.. not that she is an actual health professional. JB lets his daughters "think about" or "consider" dallying in some make believe work to keep them busy until that ring is on their finger. Hurry up Jana!!! I hope someone really pulls the wool over JimBob's eyes, marries Jana and truly loves her and sets her free to actually live in the world, wear pants and shorts, pursue her music and go out to dinner where they use actual china...

Way to Go, Suz at Large!!!! Here, here, well said. I couldn't agree with your articulate statements more.

By the way, Suz at Large, I recommend you copy and send your insightful, educated statements to JimBob himself and dare him to respond. (other than that he will pray for you), Forgive me God, for that one.

Go

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I read the People article about Jill's courtship. Why do I feel like Jim Bob emailed some young Christian guys he knows in the hopes that they would pick a daughter to court and keep the circus going? I hope Jill is happy. Without knowing anything about her guy yet, I'm more optimistic for her future happiness than for Jessa's. 

I had a dream last night that I was courting John David. It was frightening. 

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I agree with the comment about Jill forgetting her midwifery goals. I recall hearing Kelly wrote on her blog about her daughter abandoning college once she became engaged. Very disappointing. Tells me college or midwifery are just used to kill time before the wedding and babies.

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I just read the People article regarding Jill's courtship accouncement.  I mean I have known from day one these people are odd, but after reading it, it just creeps me out.  It's like Daddy ordered her up a e-mail husband.  And really, for Jill, someone who is a supposed expert on Christian courtships and love, her admitting that she fell in love with him before meeting him in person sends up so many flags.   What girl her age who has not been allowed to barely speak to a male outside of the family, would not instantly fall in love for Daddy's approved impregnation machine?

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I'm intrigued, because a quick google search seems to imply that, while yes, she is being set up through Jim Bob, Derick went to a public university. That's a first, isn't it?

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I wonder what would happen if Derick insisted to Jim Bob and Michelle that Jill be allowed to finish her studies before getting married.  (Assuming that Jill herself wants to finish studying.)

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I would love to see that. Jill is kinda strange; she definitely spews the Gothardisms most, and she is who Jim Bob and Michelle look to most to speak for the older girls. But at the same time she seems to have a genuine career path and interests more than the other girls, and maybe even the guys, too. I'm surprised I feel so strongly about this, but, no snark, I really want to see her become a licensed midwife.

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I would love to see that. Jill is kinda strange; she definitely spews the Gothardisms most, and she is who Jim Bob and Michelle look to most to speak for the older girls. But at the same time she seems to have a genuine career path and interests more than the other girls, and maybe even the guys, too. I'm surprised I feel so strongly about this, but, no snark, I really want to see her become a licensed midwife.

Maybe that's why she's permitted to pursue it:  she spews the Gothard line accurately and enthusiastically.  Much easier to get your way keeping The Parents happy

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I'm happy for Jill. She appears to be marrying a guy who is ready for it, isn't her fiance 25? Whereas Ben is still only 18, I can't believe he's ready to get married to Jessa yet. Maybe Jill will marry first. Probably sometime this spring or summer. 

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Jill seems to be happy with her guy. Her smiles are reflected in her eyes which is rare in fundieland.  Derick graduated from OSU and not college minus. He has a job and is doing seminary on line. Jill always wanted to be a missionary and midwife and it looks like Boob found her a guy that will help her do that.

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Seems like Derrick has just recently started working for Walmart as an accountant.   It will be interesting to see and here about someone so closely related to the Duaggrs can manage such a mainstream job.   He definitely seems the most "normal" to penetrate the cult.

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Truth be told, this liberal feminist thinks that parentally-approved Skyping is probably as good a way to find a husband as dating. It wouldn't work for me, but heaven knows that many people given time, freedom, and information still make all kinds of terrible choices about who to marry. Shared values and goals combined with friendly attraction is at least as likely to lead to a strong marriage as all the foolishness we put one another through on the dating scene. So I say, more power to you, Jill. (OK, and I think Derick is really hot. He's a lifeguard. And a former Oklahoma State mascot, so he has a sense of humor. Call me, Derick!)

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Wal-mart HQ is in Bentonville, not Fayetteville. Bentonville is a short drive from the compound. Also Wal-mart corporate is one of the biggest employers in the region, if not the country. It's an Arkansas native business as well. Nice job with some perks down the road if he sticks with it.

I wish Jill the best. Same with Jessa. I predict that both will be riding the train to mommy-town within the next 18 months-2years, maybe sooner. Please no more toilet births....for the love of Gawd.

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Honestly, I don't see Jill stuck in the house on Derrick's watch. I see him wanting to share his passions and them traveling the world together. I also don't see them having more than 4 kids. To me, they come across as two people who truly have a heart for serving others.

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It might be a little early for this statement regarding Jill and Derrick, but here goes: Re; Jill continuing her studies in midwifery and being allowed to "work in it", If Derrick and Jill become engaged officially to marry, I would hope that they would address their views on her continuing to do just that and if they are going to "space out" children. That would be the only way that Jill count possible continue her studies and actually put them in practice, but that would mean that Derrick has a working wife, which seems to go against the Duggars' religious beliefs... I'm waiting anxiously for that address....One can only hope.

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With Jill announcing her engagement to Derrick today, hopefully poor Jana will be next on Jim Boob's radar to play match maker for.   Of all the older girls, she's the one who seems like she's really lost in the shuffle of the massive horde of Duggars.

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I'm happy for Jill and Derick. They seem like a sweet couple and appear to be a good match. 

I don't think it's that bizarre for Jill to fall for someone she's never met. I met my husband through online dating, and while I wouldn't say I loved him before I met him, I definitely had a crush on him before we met in person. I fell in love with him shortly after meeting him, and we were married 6 months later. I think Jill was being dramatic, particularly since this was probably a reenactment. 

How old is Jackson now? Why is he lumped in with the little girls? He seems to be permanently stuck at age 4, which is really obnoxious. The other little boys and girls are growing, so why not him? Ugh. 

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Apparently it seems like the Jerrick relationship is definitely a lot more genuine than the Benessa one, because this morning, I saw a photo of what appeared to be an engagement ring on Jill's finger.

Now I'm just hoping for someone to make the trip to Springdale and free Jana from her job as the mom to all the youngest Duggars.

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If Jill wants to have a career in midwifery after she's married, I think that's up to her. Don't Jim Bob and Michelle believe in something called the "transfer of authority" when their daughters get married? So if Jill and Derrick want her to pursue her career, she can do so without fear of going against the Duggar's beliefs.

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Someone on TWoP brought up that Jill now has a Twitter.

(twitter.com/jillmdillard)
So far, she's posted tweets from a bunch of major media outlets and magazines who are congratulating her on her engagement. Which makes me wonder just how restricted her internet access ever really was. He has one too; I think it's (derick4him) or something like that...it's linked right at the top of her Twitter, although his Tweets are protected. Hers are open to the public--gotta promote the show. Ugh, I have my opinion of this guy, but maybe this isn't the right thread for it.

Edited by FinePoint.
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I hope Jill's husband picks completing her career and waits on the baby thing. Those girls ALL need an opportunity to know what life can hold besides changing diapers and cleaning. I'd like to hear from Derrick's mom. I understand his father passed away, so, how is Mrs. Dillard supporting herself and her household? That is a good question for the Duggars as to what are the alternatives to this lifestyle if the unthinkable happens to any of the husbands? I hope Mrs. Dillard etal., are regular mainstream Christians. That would be a good lesson/experience for the Duggars, maybe they won't be so hoity. (hope I spelled it right).

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I find it interesting that Jill was introduced and is marrying a guy who went to college and lives on his own.  To me, it reeks as a FU!!! internet moment.  I am not saying she does not love him, but  I am surprise Jill would be allowed to date someone who does not go along with the Duggar way of thinking.

I would not be surprise if JimBoob tries to run their lives.  He still has some control over Smuggar and Anna. Plus the fact Ben and his family is willing to kiss his behind because they are almost as big famewhores as he is.

Edited by bigskygirl.
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A place to discuss all things Jill and Derick including news items, appearances, and what happens with them on the show.

Feel free to edit this title to add something interesting after their names.

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I'm happy for Jill. She appears to be marrying a guy who is ready for it, isn't her fiance 25? Whereas Ben is still only 18, I can't believe he's ready to get married to Jessa yet. Maybe Jill will marry first. Probably sometime this spring or summer.

Didn't Boob and Michelle get engaged at 17/18! How did Boob manage to support them anyway?

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I hesitate to cheer too hard about Derrick just because he is older and went to real college. I find it repulsive that any young man, ESPECIALLY one who has lived in the real world in 2014, would willingly participate in the patriarchy processes. Going along with chaperoning and permission getting, and going through the dad...ugh. Jill is a human, not a farm animal or a prize to be won. I don't trust the intention of anyone willing to go along with the cult practices espoused by JimBob.

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But he didn't seek Jill out. He was in contact w/the Boob for several years when the latter thought Derrick would be a good match for her.

Congratulations to the two and good luck on ur future (and please rescue ur siblings)!

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I'm very happy for Jill but somewhat bugged by the fact that it was Jim Bob who decided that Derrick was the one for her. It's like the girls aren't allowed to be interested in a guy at all unless Jim Bob meets him first and approves of him and they can't trust their daughters to have good judgement in this regard. I'm glad my parents trusted me with my husband, who I didn't meet until after I was 25 and living on my own- they didn't even meet him until we were together 2 or 3 months. It's so annoying that the Duggars have to be the ones to decide that it's time for the girls to begin courting.

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I thought JimBoob knew Derick for a couple of years and thought he might be a good match for Jill.

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So their wedding date is set for June 21? That is awfully quick. I don't blame Jill for a minute though, I'm sure she can't wait to leave home. And Derrick looks to be a nice guy. I certainly wish the best for her. 

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I think they look enough alike to be brother and sister!  Not that I'm implying anything.  Cute couple, but they'll always be "Dill" to me.

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I agree with much of what FLoridamom wrote, has much the same reaction. How on earth could you be sure of who a person truly is, how they act, etc, when you are NEVER alone with them before you are married. Its just not healthy to "court" that way. No one acts like themselves on Skype or with someone constantly watching. Reading emails and texts, no hugging, can't hold hand until you are engaged.

That is either half lies and exagerrations to attract attention or, if all this is true, is a very unhealthy way to "court" someone. Its one step away basically from an arranged marriage

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J'chelle says that this method of court is great because if the relationship doesn't work out, then they are not left with any "baggage"...   Since when is it wrong to have "baggage" (aka memories and lessons) from previous relationships?  I think it makes you a stronger person and the next relationship(s) much more stronger.

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I don't know, it seems to me the real "baggage" is the disappointment of hoping a relationship will work out when it doesn't. That dashed hope would be just as painful however the dating/courting may have occurred. Back in Jane Austen's day, toying with a girl's heart was seen as very serious business, and breaking an engagement could be an actual crime, even though the lovers were never alone together and all that. You can fall in love with someone and have your heart broken no matter what the rules are. THAT's baggage to me.

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I was thinking that baggage thing, too, last night.  Jessa and Ben were getting the full "they're next" treatment, so seems to me they're setting up for SERIOUS mental pain if it doesn't go through.  I mean, not only their families and friends, but the whole of the USA are in on it.

Nothing says baggage like being the Duggar Sister of the Failed Televised Courtship, whether she holds his stupid hand or not.

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Well first of all being constantly surveyed by, literally, your big brother and father while dating (I can't call it courting, thats stupid) causes baggage, does not prevent it. 

 

Second if by baggage they mean they don't want any disappointing failed relationships, thats screwed up.  We've all had screwed up relationships.  They suck.  They cause pain.  But its how you learn and grow as a person, not just in relationships but with life in general.  God does not promise a life with no baggage.  You have to learn to deal with it sometime. 

 

There is a Modern Family episode where Haley breaks up with Dillon (one of the times).  Even though she broke up with him, she was still hurt and upset.  Phil, in one of the great lines in the whole series, tells her thats how you know it was a relationship worth having, because the loss does hurt.  Yes its a fictional show, but that is great insight.  You can shield your kids forever. 

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Kelly Bates admitted how hurt Zach was over his ended courtship. That's part of what lead them to change how they approach dating/courting. I think they have taken a healthier path now and I hope the Duggars do also, but I have less hope for them. They seem to have less ability to think critically and analyze a situation. Jim Bob seems stuck on one sentence mantras.

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I have to say, arranged marriages in other cultures work out as well as or better than America's romantic lust pairings; that's just a statistical finding.  I assume they're approaching these couplings as such.  What makes them work is that they love "for love's sake only," as it were; they are committed not so much to that particular person - although love usually grows if both behave properly toward each other - but rather to the institution itself.  They're going to make it work and not throw in the towel when the new wears off or the other shows a flaw, because the marriage isn't based on the infatuation of finding "the one."  Granted, Dill has stardust in her eyes, and it's a bonus if there IS a physical attraction, but the union isn't based on that alone.  The success of arranged marriage is that it's seen as forever, not just as long as the other flatters or pleases.  Ergo, beyond establishing that the other is likely a compatible match (and, yes, any matchmaker can do this), it's really not necessary to have a long trial period.

Edited by all4mom.
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J'chelle says that this method of court is great because if the relationship doesn't work out, then they are not left with any "baggage"...   Since when is it wrong to have "baggage" (aka memories and lessons) from previous relationships?  I think it makes you a stronger person and the next relationship(s) much more stronger.

And I call bullshit on their thought process.  If you court someone because you believe he may be the one God has for you, then you can't help being invested.  They're almost suggesting that the only baggage you have is the result of physical contact or affection.  In reality, the emotioal baggage is the baggage that weighs people down the most in relationships.  There's an investment either way.

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I have to say, arranged marriages in other cultures work out as well as or better than America's romantic lust pairings; that's just a statistical finding.

 

The main reason arranged marriages work in other cultures is because that is what expected and supported by that culture.  If your grandparents, parents, siblings, neighbors, friends all have arranged marriages, then it is what you expect.  Stories, history, and gossip would all promote this and support this and you would not think it anything special. However, this first generation of Duggars being led into arranged marriages don't have that background and more importantly the outside world is not going to be supportive.  If the Duggar girls marry whom they are told to marry and then never meet anyone else, then maybe they will be fine.  But what happens if Jessa marries Ben thinking that she is in love with him and that he is "the one" without having any other experiences but then later meets a man with whom there is unquestionable chemistry?  I worry for these girls that they realy don't know what they are getting into.  Your 45 year old self is very different from your 15 year old self and your needs and outlook usually change, and lets face it-- these girls are more like 15 year olds than grown women.

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My grandparents had  a date, then he went away for two years and the day he got home he went to her house and proposed.   They were married 62 years.   It can work out.   Wouldn't be my first pick, personally.   But I would like to hope for these dugger kids who don't have a lot of other options, that they get lucky.

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But your grandfather had life experiences. He had met other people and it made hisv decision easier.

However, not all arranged marriages work out. Some treat their children like chattel to be bartered over - esp young girls.

I have met many Hindi couples who have arranged marriages, and all of them seem to be happy or content. But Hindi parents - from my limited experience - seem to have a vested interest in making sure their children do well socially and emotionally. I asked one and she said that the state of their children's careers and marriages reflect back onto the parents.

Jim Boob and J'chelle don't seem to care abt their children's well being, but yhey sure take credit for how well they've raised Josh for one. How are all their Gothardites going to perceive them when one of the kids has a breakdown, or commits a crime. The odds are in favor of it, with that many kids.

Edited by roamyn.
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I think they look enough alike to be brother and sister!  Not that I'm implying anything.  Cute couple, but they'll always be "Dill" to me.

Me too. No Jerick, always Dill.

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Plenty of people who choose their own mates after years of dating and because they were passionately "in love" with them ALSO decide they love someone else 15 years down the line; look at the divorce rate!  At any rate, I gather the ginormous party for Josiah's graduation is to get a better field of candidates for the next pairings.  Seems it was pretty slim pickings for these two!  What happened to the Bates?  I mean, Bateses?  lol

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