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Agent Carter Quotes: Crikey O'Reilly!

Howard: Who's Dottie Underwood?

Jarvis: She kidnapped you.

Howard: ...

Jarvis: At gunpoint. Not long ago.

Howard: ...

Jarvis: You were wearing your brown leather jacket.

Howard: The Russian knockout with the killer backhand.

...

Stark: You just make sure you let me know if I'm going to need to find myself a new butler.

Jarvis: I'm more than happy in my position, sir.

Stark. I know. I'm great!

 

Ha! I actually misheard Stark's line about Jarvis's position; I thought he said "You're great!" but it's so much more Stark this way.

 

And I loved Cooper's little "Uh, gonna need a little more" faces before Stark was able to narrow down the field of potential kidnapper-dates. (Except I think Howard had on the brown mohair jacket. Anyway, I loved that his wardrobe is the clincher.)

Edited by Sandman.
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I love that being kidnapped at gunpoint doesn't ring any bells but being reminded of what he was wearing jogs his memory. Oh, Howard!

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Howard, about why he never joined the Arena Club: "They like their ranks male and pale. Jarvis isn't White enough for them."

Jarvis: "Please-I'm 1/16th Turkish."

 

And the meta shout-out of the week goes to Peggy: "A movie based on a comic book?  Sounds like a dreadful idea."

Edited by DollEyes.
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I liked Howard's whole takedown of the Arena Club, specialized in not just "male and pale" but "the reptilian and the rodential."

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I'm paraphrasing here, but I loved the exchange about Howard turning down the club's attempts to get him to join in the past:

 

Howard:  I'm not a joiner.

Jarvis:  Also, women are not permitted.

Howard:  Right, that too.

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Howard: You want to play a sassy beer wench?

Peggy: I’d rather be the cowboy.

Howard: I like it. I don’t think the audience is ready yet.

Peggy: But they’re ready for a movie based on a comic book? Sounds like a dreadful idea!

 

At least someone at Marvel acknowledges the problem. This show is nothing if not self-aware.

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I love the banter on this show.  I know I'm a week late on this one, but one of my favorite lines from the season opener was Javis upon Anna and Peggy meeting as Anna simply grabs her.

 

Jarvis: [To Peggy] She hugs. 

           [To Anna] She does not hug.

 

As a non-hugger, this cracked me up.

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Jarvis To Peggy, during her workout: "If you need a sparring partner [Peggy hits the punching bag harder], I'm sure Mr. Stark will be happy to hire one for you."

 

Sousa, to Peggy, after Mr. Hunt tried to strangle her: "You usually gotta go to France to get a hickey like that."

Edited by DollEyes.
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Jarvis: I trust you've operated a tranquilizer rifle before.

Peggy: I can't say that I have. Why on earth have you?

Jarvis: On occasion, wrangling Mr. Stark's animal preserve requires a ruthless hand.

Peggy: Not the flamingo.

Jarvis: The koala. Its adorable appearance belies a vile temperament.

 

Sousa: What did you stick him with?

Carter: Howard wanted to create a cure for the common cold. He came up with a compound that bring on intense symptoms in minutes.

Sousa: You gave him a cold.

Peggy: An intense cold.

 

Vernon: Jack Thompson thinks very highly of you. He says you're quite the independent thinker.

Peggy: I'm sure he meant that as an insult.

 

Fred: So, Michael, tell me, how goes it at the front?

Michael: Well, there are lots of Nazis there and they tend to shoot at you a great deal. Apart from that, the scenery is splendid.

 

Fred: One thing I've learned from the war - a boring life is a privilege.

 

Sousa: I didn't account for the central district judge being in the council's pocket. I'm sorry.

Peggy: Don't apologize for believing people have ethics and morals.

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Jarvis, still stoned, on the couch: "Mommy, that's the biggest horsie ever."

 

Sousa, to Peggy, after Hunt decks him & escapes: "I still don't know why I had to take a punch." 

Peggy: "It's the least you could contribute. He's already throttled me twice."

Edited by DollEyes.
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Dr Wilkes: "I'm a genius, she (Whitney Frost) defies categorization."

 

Any other Brown Coats out there remember Simon Tam describing his sister River?

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An interesting comparison. I find a certain parallel in the "above ... and beyond" structure. But Simon's description is more specific, as well as more emotional. ("I am very smart.  ... 'Gifted' is the term. So when I tell you that my little sister makes me look like an idiot child, I want you to understand my full meaning. River was more than gifted. She -- she was a gift.")

 

Of course River, as dangerous as she proved to be, doesn't seem to me to be in the same (evil) league as Headly LaScar, Evil Genius Science Bombshell.

Edited by Sandman.
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Carter: This really isn't necessary, Mr. Jarvis. We could have just brought the woody closer.

Jarvis: And scratch the paint with those heels?

 

Carter: Aren't you coming?
Jarvis: Me? In the vent?

Carter: Isn't that why you wore your recreation tie?

 

Jarvis: It's freezing in here. Oh, this is bringing back terrible memories.

Carter: To the last time that you stole a corpse?

 

Jarvis: The elevator requires a special key, one that's impossible to duplicate.

Carter: We don't need a key. We'll blow the hinges off the door.

Jarvis: Which would trigger the explosives set inside them and kill us all.

Carter: We'll drill into the lock.

Jarvis: Which would pierce the outer core spring into the elevator and kill us all.

Carter: We'll dig a hole.

Jarvis: Which would trip the three thousand foot mechanism underground.

Carter and Jarvis: And kill us all.

Carter: So a key, you say?

 

Sousa: Thompson called, poking around for you again. How many vacation days you got left?

Carter: Plenty. I haven't had a day off since Pearl Harbor. How is your disguise department shaping up?

Sousa: For you? Low on evening gowns.

 

Dr. Samuel: We call it the memory inhibitor. Place it like so.

[sousa dodges out of the way]

Dr. Samuel: You put it to the subject's temples. It disrupts the pathway of the prefrontal lobe.

Sousa: It makes them forget the last two minutes.

Carter: Amazing. And it works?

Dr. Samuel: We've run several tests on Jerry with positive results.

Jerry: No, you didn't!

[Jerry walks into a wall]

Dr. Samuel: There is a slight risk of brain damage.

 

Manfredi: Nothing says classy like bone china.

 

Carter: So you're saying once we get past the guards and the electrified fence, all we have to worry about is diffusing the atomic bombs.

 

Sousa: Peggy, this is crazy. We can't take Rose. She's -

Carter: She's passed the same training as the men upstairs, and she protects all of you.

Sousa: This isn't about training. This is about field experience and she has none. I can't focus on the mission if I'm worried about protecting Rose.

Carter: It's funny. I'm seeing Daniel Sousa but I'm hearing Jack Thompson.

 

Rose: Did you like my pie?

Dr. Samuel: That pie was you? Your pie was in me? I like pie. Pie is good.

 

Whitney: Where are my bombs?

Calvin: Whitney, I don't work here!

 

Sousa: Doctor, how's the door coming?

Dr. Samuel: How's the not blowing us up coming?

 

Sousa: You really scared me there. Please do not do that again.

Carter: Get impaled? Yes, chief.

 

Carter: I just need to sleep. So do you, might I add. You did disarm an atomic bomb today.

Jarvis: Two. Two atomic bombs.

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Jones: "Hello, sweetheart. Have we met before?"

Peggy: bzzzzzzt

Jones: " ... Agent."

Peggy: bzzzzzt

Jones: "Did the boys in Marketing send you?"

Peggy: bzzzzzt

Jones: "Agent!"

Peggy: bzzzzzzt

Jones: "I know the reputation of red-headed wo -- "

Peggy: bzzzzzzt. BBBBZZZZZZT.

 

We could all see how the memory erasure gag was going to go, but its execution was first-rate.

 

I have much love for the way this show handles background business in scenes like Sousa and Carter talking about bringing Rose on the mission:  Daniel's worrying about needing to protect Rose, while behind them Rose is calmly going about trouncing the one-man-band and tossing him out of the Theatrical Agency.

 

I also have a soft spot for "Miss Carter, these adventures -- they're only entertaining if you return from them."

Edited by Sandman.
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So many good lines tonight.

 

Dottie: This is my surprised face.

 

Peggy: We have this exquisite diamond choker, which will complete your ensemble for this evening. 

Dottie: How fabulous. I'll be sure to return the favor with a choker of my own some day.

 

Peggy: Thompson? Our Jack Thompson?

Daniel: The hell is he doing here?

Jarvis: He appears to be rubbing elbows with Ms. Frost and Mr. Chadwick.

Dottie: Want me to kill him?

Peggy and Daniel: DO NOT KILL HIM!

Dottie: C'mon. It'll be quick.

 

Whitney: Mr. Hayes. I'm going to need your publications to fabricate a story on the sudden disappearance of my husband. And those other pasty buffoons.

 

Thompson: There's no place in my office for agents who can't follow simple orders.

Peggy: Well, it's not the best job market out there for women right now, but I'll just have to manage.

 

Vernon: The witch of Buchenwald.

Dottie: Your mother? 

 

Jarvis: One doesn't spend years in the company of Howard stark without picking up a thing or two about electrical engineering.

Peggy: Luckily you didn't pick up the clap. 

 

Whitney (to Dottie): It's taken too much from me for far to long. My childhood. My innocence. You know what that's like. 

 

Jarvis: This does create a bit of a sticky-wicket in regards to Chief Sousa.

Peggy: A sticky what?!

 

Jarvis: I must say, I do not envy your position. Between Dr. Wilkes' incandescent smile and Chief Sousa's eyes, so--

Peggy: No.

Jarvis: --warm, yet so wise.

Peggy: No, no. Please, no.

 

Dottie: I've never seen you like this before.

Peggy: Like what?

Dottie: Scared.

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Jarvis: “One doesn’t spend years in the company of Howard Stark and not pick up a thing or two about electrical engineering.”

 

Peggy: “Luckily you didn’t pick up the clap.”

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Dottie, from under the net: You thought this would stop me?

Daniel: No, but I thought this might. ::tasers::

Peggy: ::tasers again::

Daniel: Happy?

Peggy: Entirely.

 

Apparently I also have a soft spot for watching bad guys get zapped.

Edited by Sandman.
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Apparently I also have a soft spot for watching bad guys get zapped.

 

If you have not watched Leverage, you need to.   Although Parker doesn't really get into the tasering until Season 3.

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Peggy: You look terrible.

Sousa: Says the woman with the rebar hole through her abdomen.

 

Sousa: What we need is a highly skilled unknown face who can blend in with the glamour and throw down in the gutter. I don't know anybody besides you who can pull that off.

Peggy: I have a terrible idea.

 

Dottie: This is my surprised face.

[hilarious in general but it reminded me of Veronica Mars and her over the moon face]

 

Dottie: It takes more than six walls to hold me.

Peggy: Six?

Dottie: We're in a cube, Peggy. Try to keep up.

 

Dottie: Maybe I was hired to steal it. Maybe the pin is not just a pin. Maybe that pin unlocks the secrets to every major decision made in this cesspool of a country. Maybe it just matched my blouse.

 

Peggy: Once we're through and I've removed the red tape, we can work on negotiating your deportation.

Dottie: Sounds fun. I'm in.

Peggy: Well, that was easy.

Dottie: What can I say? I'm a giver.

Peggy: Just so we're clear, I know you'll try to run and I'm prepared for it.

Dottie: Just so we're clear, I know your deportation is a lie and you can never be fully prepared for me.

Peggy: Then we're in agreement. You'll help me get what I need and then I'll lock you back up in this cell.

 

Jarvis: Miss Underwood.

Dottie: Jeeves.

 

Jarvis: Though it pains to me to say it, Miss Underwood is a phenomenal dancer.

Dottie: The decadence in this place is truly repulsive.

 

Thompson: I didn't know this was a butler friendly affair.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo.
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Dottie: I'm not in the movie business but I think you're going to need a lot more makeup to cover that up.

 

Wilkes: I've never had Hungarian food before. Is it any good?

Jarvis: Ehhh.

 

Ana: May I make a suggestion? I thought a darker jacket more befitting a prowler.

Jarvis: You're quite right.

 

Wilkes: Look at us, crying into our $400 bottles of wine.

Ana: Would you like to cry into a $1000 bottle?

 

Jarvis: Carole Lombard! The code for the device was set to 34-24-34, Carole Lombard's measurements. Like a fool, I accidentally put in Barbara Stanwyck's measurements, 33-23-33, which is a completely different function.

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Jarvis: Carole Lombard! The code for the device was set to 34-24-34, Carole Lombard's measurements. Like a fool, I accidentally put in Barbara Stanwyck's measurements, 33-23-33, which is a completely different function.

I loved the followup to this:

Peggy and Dottie: What does Barbara Stanwyck do?

[bOOM!]

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Every single line on this show is quotable. For me, on other shows I watch there is usually a few lines per episode that pop. But on this show, every single thing every single character says pops.

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Sousa: We're looking for some spaghetti.

Mob guy: We only serve steak.

 

MI-4: Why won't you tell me how you broke your hand?

Thompson: Maybe cause I did it taking down a high level Russian operative. Would I lie to you?

MI-4:  Oh, please. You did it in a bar fight, just like every year in uni. Freshman year, broken nose, bar fight. Sophomore year, broken jaw, bar fight.

 

Manfredi: Look, I wish I could help you, but how am I to know who my associates associate with?

 

Jarvis: I promise to wear the periwinkle tie you knitted for me. I promise to cook apple torte at least once a week. I promise not to bite the fork loudly when I eat. I promise we can get a Burmese mountain dog. I promise to like your brown cardigan. I promise to believe in the daily horoscope. I promise I will protect you to my dying day if you'll please, please wake up.

Ana: Don't make promises you can't keep.

Jarvis: You're awake! My darling, you're awake!

Ana: I woke up at the Burmese mountain dog but I wanted to see what else I could get.

 

Sousa: Good job, Aloysius. Really good work.

Samberly: Oh, so you learned my first name.

Sousa: Yeah, I did.

Samberly: What's my middle name?

 

Samberly: Howard Stark wants me to build a machine!

Sousa: You? It says that?

Samberly: Well, no, but do you see someone else here who can?

 

Thompson: I'm not falling for your slick talk.

Carter: But you're falling for his. You're willing to believe any phlegm Vernon coughs up on paper.

 

Whitney: Such a pity two accomplished women should be standing on opposite sides.

Carter: Yes, you're such a staunch defender of the sisterhood. I can tell by the way you shot an unarmed innocent woman.

 

Thompson: I'm starting to question the validity of that file. It's a little too good to be true.

Vernon: Jack, what's happened and what's true are two different things. This is an official document. That means it's true regardless of what happened. Do I really need to be telling you this?

 

Thompson: Your backup is a lab tech and a butler.

 

Sousa: Wilkes is no longer a hostage. He's a hostile.

Carter: He's infected with zero matter. He's confused.

Sousa: No, he's desperate.

Carter: You don't know him, Daniel.

Sousa: No, but I know desperation. You know what I would give to be able to walk again? A lot. We need to be dispassionate about this.

Carter: Meaning what?

Sousa: I know you and Wilkes are close.

Carter: Are you suggesting that my personal feelings might interfere with the mission?
Sousa: I'm just saying we might have to make some hard choices.

Carter: Well that's wonderful advice. Chief Sousa, and I hope you yourself abide by it.

Sousa: What does that mean?
Carter: You are the reason why Whitney Frost is in possession of enough uranium to destroy the city.

Sousa: Excuse me? He was going to shoot you.

Carter: Yes, he was.

Sousa: And I was just supposed to let it happen?

Carter: Dispassionate, chief, your words.

Sousa: So if the situation was reversed, that's what you would have done? Let him shoot me?

Thompson: If it makes a difference, I would have let him blow you both away.

 

Samberly: You're asking me to judge what will happen when something I've never fired miraculously manages to hit something I never knew existed?

 

Samberly: Chief, what do we do?

Sousa and Thompson: Do as Peggy says!

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Sousa: Do we head towards the blast area or towards civilization?

Thompson: Strolling through a cloud of radiation isn't my first choice.

Samberly: You're supposed to drink your urine.

[sousa and Thompson turn around to look at him]

Samberly: When you're dehydrated. I'm problem solving.

 

Jarvis: You almost killed me.

Carter: Are you ore are you not free from capture, Mr. Jarvis?

 

Jarvis: We walk? This is your grand plan? Throw me from a moving vehicle only to kill me in an inferno? What a magnificent idea!

 

Carter: Leaving Dottie with Whitney Frost would have been tantamount to murder and unlike you, I'm not a murderer, Mr. Jarvis.

Jarvis: And yet everyone around you dies!

 

Henchman: Oh crap.

Carter: Oh crap indeed.

 

Manfredi: Don't hold the door open for me! I'm not a woman!

 

Sousa: Can you build it in three minutes?

Semberly: What am I, an amateur? I can build it in two.

 

Samberly: Yelling won't make it work!

 

Sousa: Samberly, I'm going to kill you one day.

 

Thompson: I owe you a lot, Vernon. You've been like a second father to me. I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me.

Masters: Yeah, I can tell.

 

Thompson: This isn't about trust. It's about making a hard choice.

Carter: By killing an innocent person?

Thompson: Not one person in there is innocent. I'm doing what needs to be done, what the two of you won't do.

Sousa: Murder three people?

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Some quotes and lyrics from the dream/dance scene, which I may have re-watched a few times. Or twenty. ;)

 

Peggy: I'm only doing what you wanted me to do.

Michael: No, darling. You're doing what you wanted to do.

 

Peggy: I was in the desert.

Angie: Want dessert? Well you can't go wrong with the key lime pie.

Peggy: No, no, that's not what I said.

Angie: What do you want then?

Peggy: I don't know what I want.

 

Daniel:

Baby, I assume

That you always knew

The recipe

It's simply me and you

 

Peggy: What are you doing here?

Dottie: Oh, Peggy. I'll always be in your head.

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Jarvis: "I believe I just heard the sound of their egos growing."

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Peggy: "And it's called a rift generator."

Samberly: "I like it."

Howard: "I think it's great!"

Wilkes: "It's good."

 

"Jarvis. You just hit a woman with my car." The absolutely un-alarmed delivery sells this one.

 

"Is there a portrait of you in every bedroom?

"It's a collection. Every one is different. ... What? Art makes a house a home."

 

"Introducing Mister Joseph Manfredi. Of the Yonkers Manfredis."

 

"I told you then, and I'm telling you now: You can't wear your skivvies in a schvitz!"

 

"You kids are so cute! I bet you crammed for your finals, and everything. The answer's right in front of you: How do most successful scientists achieve greatness?"

"Given your history, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and cavorting with loose women."

"That's a good guess, but it's wrong."

 

"I want you to know, Peg, I"m not thinking any unsavory thoughts about you right now. ... Wait, there's one!"

 

I don't even like Dominic Cooper that much in any role but this one, but almost everything out of Howard's mouth makes me howl.

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"Jarvis. You just hit a woman with my car." The absolutely un-alarmed delivery sells this one.

Even better was Jarvis' deadpan response: "Ms. Frost is highly resilient, she'll be fine." I cackled.

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Thompson: You don't have it in you.

Peggy: There was a time when that was true. Not anymore.

 

Howard: Jarvis! You just hit a woman with my car.

Jarvis: I know, sir.

Howard: She's a two-time Oscar nominee!

 

Howard: I'm only trying to help.

Peggy: Yourself get custody of the Zero Matter so you can make a profit on it.

Howard: That stings.

Peggy: You'll heal.

Howard: Fine. Anyway, we've got a bigger problem on our hands. We're out of mustard.

 

Peggy: I don't speak megalomaniac. Fortunately, Howard Stark does.

 

Howard: Mr. Stark's my old man. You can call me Howard.

Rose: Alright, Howard.

Samberly: I can call you Howard right?

Howard: Nope.

 

Daniel: Why'd you hold the gun on her and not on me?

Jason: Deductive reasoning, Chief Sousa. I knew you'd fold, cause I would've.

 

Thompson: Okay, look, I'm not a scientist, but I'm here to help.

Peggy: How about collecting the dinner orders?

 

Thompson: Thought you were dead.

Samberly: I didn't faint! I...did faint.

 

Peggy: I've learned that dwelling on what might have been is no way to live.

 

Peggy: My whole life is in New York. My roommate, my job. My plane ticket's already booked.

Jarvis: Of course, all very good reasons to leave. But perhaps all you need is one compelling reason to stay.

 

Daniel: Nothing to say? No quick comeback?

Peggy: *kisses him*

Daniel: Good point. 

Edited by phalange.
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Wilkes: I threatened to kill you, Peggy.

Howard: Don't get down on yourself, Dr. Wilkes. Peggy's life's always getting threatened.

[Jarvis gives Howard a look]

Howard: I'm just saying. Maybe the problem is [Peggy].

 

Manfredi: Hello, angel face!

 

Howard: Now you listen to me, Manfredi. You can't just walk into a man's home and take his butler hostage.

Manfredi: Oh yeah? Well you can't steal my underwear.

 

Howard: You know Joe Manfredi?

Wilkes: Yes, this man kidnapped me. He strapped me down so Whitney Frost could torture me and remove the zero matter from my body.

Manfredi: That was wrong. Mea culpa, doc. Mea culpa.

 

Manfredi: She's not herself. Normally my Whitney is a very thoughtful, loving person.

Howard: Who're you kidding, Joey? You always went for the crazy ones. Jenny Boccavella? She tried to throw you off the 59th Street bridge.

 

Howard: How do the most successful scientists achieve greatness?

Jarvis: Given your history, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and cavorting with loose women.

Howard: That's a good guess but it's wrong. Nope, they get smarter people to do the research and then they steal it for themselves.

 

Howard: Show of hands. Who here has invented a hover car? Nope?Nobody? I win.

Wilkes: It didn't even work!

Howard: The second one did.

 

Howard: Your perfume is driving me mad.

Rose: It's Rinse-O.

 

Carter: Station check. Any sign of Miss Frost, Howard?

Wilkes: All's quiet. Although some of us may need to re-evaluate our priorities.

Howard: You're absolutely right, Dr. Wilkes. Nobody cares about the long game. Damn! What am I doing wrong, Jarvis?

Jarvis: Sir, we are standing before an incomprehensible rip in the fabric of our world. Use the seven iron.

 

Carter: Dr. Samberly, how are you faring?

Samberly: Not great. That pickled herring's coming back on me in a big way.

 

Howard: I'm going to go for a swim. You might want to stay inside. Bathing suits cause too much friction drag.

 

Ana: Edwin!

Jarvis: Splendid!

 

Carter: Summer's just around the bend. In several months.

Jarvis: If I may, it seems Los Angeles has rather agreed with you, Miss Carter. Are you certain you need to return to New York?

Carter: Are you trying to convince me to stay in a city that you claim to detest? The preposterous palm trees, the heat, terrible drivers!

Jarvis: Fair point, yes. I admit I have grown fond of certain elements. Have you tried a taco? Delightful.

 

Sousa: Look, I gotta say something to you about what happened at the rift.

Carter: Oh, there's no need to thank me.

Sousa: Actually, I was going to say you messed up. Big.

Carter: Sorry, what?

Sousa: As your supervisor -

Carter: You're not my supervisor.

Sousa: As A supervisor, I feel obligated to tell you your actions were ill-advised and reckless.

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Mrs. Jarvis: "I am home, and I'm safe, and I'm with the man who I adore, who's in one piece."

Peggy: "Mr Jarvis is a lucky man."

Jarvis: "I am indeed."

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Dottie, upon finding out Peggy took the guard's gun with her: Oh, Peggy, you're no fun!

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