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Elementary Quotes: What's Up, Holmes?

Bell: So this guy tips off other people's selfies, blows them up, and charges a hundred grand apiece? I'm surprised we're not investigating him.

 

It was actually "I'm surprised we're not investigating his murder."

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Sherlock: So a former drug dealer, correct?
[Shinwell shrugs]
Sherlock: Former drug user. So you met Watson after you were shot by rivals in 2006. She pulled five bullets out of you?
Shinwell: That's right.
Sherlock: I've been shot five times. But on separate occasions.
Shinwell: That's...great.
Sherlock: So what kind of a name is Shinwell?
Shinwell: What kind of name is Sherlock?

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23 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Sherlock: So what kind of a name is Shinwell?
Shinwell: What kind of name is Sherlock?

Had flashback to X-Men 1...

Wolverine: What kind of name is Rogue??

Rogue: What kind of name is Wolverine???

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Joan: Was that "Gimme Some Lovin'"? That might be the most disturbing way you've ever woken me up.

Sherlock: Gaming the insurance industry is what marriage is for, right?

Joan: I'm still trying to picture you arguing in favor of marriage.
Sherlock: Yes, I know I have spoken out against it in the past.
Joan: Only if you count calling it a fiendish plot to subvert human biology, independence, and happiness.

Sherlock: Studies have shown that there are health benefits for men who reside in a state of sexless antagonism with a life partner.
Joan: Hmm.Then you'll live to be a hundred.

Sherlock: Her breasts, Watson.
Joan: What do Paige's breasts have to do with anything?
Sherlock: Not Paige's. Beth Stern's. You saw them earlier.
Joan: I wasn't really looking at them.
Sherlock: Well, you should have.

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5:3 Render, and Then Seize Her

Sherlock to Watson: Get dressed or undressed, your choice.

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Sherlock: I'd go so far as to call him a master baiter

Watson: Of course you would

Edited by paigow.
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Episode 5: 6 Ill Tidings

Watson Twice: Sherlock Once- "Give to a gracious message An host of tongues, but let ill tidings tell Themselves when they be felt."

Shakespeare: Antony and Cleopatra, Act 2: Scene 5

Edited by MaryHedwig.
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Brunelle: Could you have your son maybe wait outside?
Mason: GROSS.
Holmes: Mason is not my offspring.

Marcus: Is there a reason why you've got a totem pole in your bathroom?
Holmes: Too big for the closet. 

Marcus: We can't exactly go walking into gang territory with a sign that says, "Looking for bad guys."
[cut to Sherlock walking down the street with a cardboard sign that says, "LOOKING FOR BAD GUYS"]
Marcus: This is a bad idea.
Holmes: We don't have time for good ideas. 

Watson: If you tell me you're trying to build a flux capacitor, I'm outta here. 

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo.
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Joan is struggling to remove the ropes around Sherlock's wrists. Sherlock has to go to the bathroom.

"Watson, can't you just gnaw them off?"

Edited by MaryHedwig.
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Kitty: I suppose it's interesting that an American President had an affair with a Chinese opera singer but is it startling?
Sherlock: It might be to the two men's families.

Sherlock: You went out for groceries at five in the morning?
Kitty: Archie's ready to try solids. All you had in the fridge was Bismarck herring.
Sherlock: That'll put hairs on his chest.

Garber: I'm guessing you played soccer.
Kitty: I think you mean football.
Sherlock: Yes, because Miss Winter's foot devastated your testicles. Very funny, yes.

Nanny: I think this [doll] is dead.
Kitty: Actually, they're all dead. Sherlock uses them to recreate crime scenes. This one Archie's playing with drowned in the bathtub and this one in the kitchen died of arsenic. That mess on the floor is doll vomit.

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Joan: You're being a snob.
Sherlock: Someone has to be.

Joan: That's what people think?
Sherlock: I did not say people. I said conspiracy theorists, proud members of the tin foil hat brigade.

Sherlock: Mr. Drexel, we didn't bring the police with us because we don't care about your minor league embezzlement. It's a courtesy to you but it also works in our favor because it means we can conduct an illegal search.

Joan: This would be a lot easier if Fred Kirby's system wasn't put stuff in files or don't.
Sherlock: Credit the man for his consistency. He was lazy and inept in all facets of his business.

Joan: NYOOPI helps people find detectives. Why do you have a problem with that?
Sherlock: Because I want people to be able to find detectives who have earned the right to be called detectives.
Joan: If it were up to you, there's only be four or five people like that in the whole world.
Sherlock: Your point?

Marcus: He checked himself in[to the hospital] with a 104 degree fever. He was delirious. Told the nurses his name was Lando Calrissian.

Joan: "List three suitable methods for determining the age of a fecal deposit." This is the first question?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo.
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Sherlock: You look at the iron maiden and think, "How awful." Mr. Risher looked at it and probably thought, "If only I could find the matching Judas cradle." It's a pyramid of iron set atop a stool. The victim is disrobed and then lowered via harness until-
Joan: We got it.
Marcus: Don't look at me. I've been to your place. I'm surprised you guys don't have one of these.

Joan: He even included an old picture of himself playing Go Fish with his grandfather.
Sherlock: It hardly seems fair, a legendary card shark against a doltish child.
Marcus: On the bright side, I guess we can go claim Quinn Malcolm's $2 million prize.

Marcus: Let's just say I think that people who try to buy Nazi crap on the internet are capable of all sorts of things.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo.
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5x22: Moving Targets
Bell: Your brother-in-law, Milo Spitz, was found dead in his car at South Mountain Reservation.
Righetti: Milo committed suicide.
Watson: He was stabbed 16 times.
Righetti: Hardest he ever worked in his life.

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I laughed at that not just because it was funny but also because all I heard was a snippet from the Cell Block Tango: "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times."

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Joan: If you like Unicorn Utopia, you are going to love Pretty Princess Party.

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Sherlock: For you, Watson I'd make adjustments. Always.

Sherlock: Would you like to hear about one scorned woman's attempt to frame an innocent black bear or not?

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