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All Episodes Talk: Supernatural Secrets

A place to discuss particular episodes, arcs and moments from the show's run. Please remember this isn't a complete catch-all topic -- check out the forum for character topics and other places for show-related talk.

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I was going to post the official description here, but it's a bit spoilery for me. So here's my alternate:

 

Vampires exist in Merry Olde England, as a policewoman (with an improbably short uniform skirt) named Seras Victoria learns when she gets caught in the crossfire between an infestation of vampires and the Hellsing Organization, a secret agency that fights the vampires.

 

It should be interesting to see how Adult Swim censors the show to bring it down to a TV-MA rating, because it's exceptionally violent and gory. In fact it's often classified as a guro show/manga in Japan

Edited by Sandman87.
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Heads up: According to the Adult Swim schedule, the first episode on Saturday night will start a minute before the top of the hour (2:59 am), so adjust your DVRs accordingly.

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I can't decide whether or not to rewatch this. I just watched the other version this summer, and this might be too much déjà vu.

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If you mean the 2001 version, I'd say it's worthwhile. That version ran out of canon material and then just bulled ahead with it's own version of the story, rather than waiting for the manga to catch up. Everything after episode 7 was purely non-canonical. Only the first two episodes of Ultimate overlap with the 2001 version.

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After watching Saturday's episode, I went back and watched the undubbed version. They dialed Anderson's "AAAAAYYYYYMENNNNNN!"s down in the dub, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It's less irritating now that he doesn't bellow them out at maximum volume in a fully constipated voice, but then again the ham acting is part of the charm of the whole thing. The Irish accent seems to work for him though.

 

Anderson's entrance in the Ireland scene was...interesting. There are only two ways to explain it:

1) He has the ability to throw his bayonets down the stairs, around the corner, and down a hallway to hit a target.

2) He snuck down to the hallway entrance, threw the bayonets, then quickly ran back up to the top of the stairs so that he could stomp back down the steps in an appropriately dramatic fashion.

 

I prefer the second explanation.

 

Ahh vampirism! is there nothing it doesn't do? Not only does it give you the full set of traditional powers, but it also makes you telepathic and turns you into a super-sniper. And that's just what Seras is able to do, never mind Alucard.

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I'm new to this series, but thought it was a lot of fun. I hope Alucard never stops referring to Seras as "police girl" because it is endlessly amusing. It's nicer than "puppy" which is what I was thinking.

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...then again the ham acting is part of the charm of the whole thing.

 

Wait, this wasn’t hammy enough for you? You, sir, have built up a tolerance. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand this same level of camp every episode. In my head, the show is called “Vampires in Cheddar” after that line.

 

The story does quickly burn through the plot points of the 2001 version, which means there’s less opportunity for Seras to be irritating so far—nice! But it also means there’s no emotional investment for…anything.

 

The Hellsing family must have an exposition gene. The uncle, the father, Integra—all are just so informative, even when dying or trying to kill each other.

 

There are too many animation styles here, applied too tackily. It makes Space Dandy’s artistic choices seem coherent.

 

Between the demonic wall of eyes, the abundance of glasses and glowing eyes, the show is like a subliminal ad for optometry.

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Yeah, the manga creator has a thing about glasses and gloves. And smoking. All the cool kids have to smoke.
 

The story does quickly burn through the plot points of the 2001 version, which means there’s less opportunity for Seras to be irritating so far—nice! But it also means there’s no emotional investment for…anything.


I suspect that the producers deliberately decided to rush through the material that they had in common with the 2001 series, figuring that most of the viewers would have seen it already.

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I was prepared not to like this based in the previews, but it was actually pretty good. Looking forward to next week.

Sir Hellsing is kimd of annoying, but they don't show her much, so that's ok.

I am getting tired of Seras gasping in shock all re time, so I'm ready for that to be toned down in the future.

So how do their clothes regenerate, exactly?

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So how do their clothes regenerate, exactly?

Uhhh...unstable molecules? No wait, that's Marvel Comics.

 

What I want to know is whether it's just their clothes (and glasses) or everything that they're carrying with them. Also, whether the phenomenon is related to Alucard's endless supply of pistol magazines and Anderson's infinite bayonets.

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I think Alucard actually regenerated a pistol, now that I think of it. Otherwise, how did it get upstairs?

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The fake English accents are killing me! On the other hand the cheese factor has a nice leavening effect on the over the top violence and gore.

 

Sigh. It's always Nazis isn't it?

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Still liking this one, particularly Luke's legitimate freakout when Alucard releases his restrictor plates or opens chakra gates 1-3 or whatever he does to turn into the Best. Homunculus. Ever.

Was anyone else surprised that Seras didn't turn on Sir Hellsing when she tried to stop her? I'm guessing that's not always going to work.

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Episode 2, which should be titled "Stress-Testing the Floor Drains in Hellsing Manor."

 

Alucard has a bad dream which may or may not be a memory of being defeated, and it makes him cry blood. Does that mean that all of a vampire's excretions are blood? Do I really want to know the answer? No, I do not.

 

Integra holds a meeting with the guys who...actually I don't know what they do other then asking questions so that she can do the exposition thing. We learn that all the the recent vampires have been chipped like dogs and cats, and they only make ghouls when they bite people. Integra deduces that super genius vampire experts are behind all of it.

 

Walter steals Seras's bed and gives her a coffin. He claims that he's just following orders, but I think he's just pranking her. He gives Alucard a sweet new pistol that shoots even bigger bullets than the old one. (They don't specify a caliber in the dub, but in the original they claimed it was a 13mm. In real life it would more likely be a 12.7mm/.50 cal., because that's an actual group of modern pistol cartridges suitable for simultaneously stopping a charging grizzly bear and fracturing the bones in your hand. Handy!) He gives Seras a light antitank cannon with "Hellsing Arms" on the barrel, which may be a clue as to where the organization gets their financing.

 

Meanwhile, at the Hellsing front gate. Jan and Luke Valentine just happen to be in the neighborhood with a bus full of ghouls, and decide to drop in for a bite to eat. After impressing the front guards with witty repartee and about half a million bullets, they declare the buffet open for business. Down in the board room everyone wants to evacuate, in both senses of the word. Unfortunately there is an army of ghouls in the way. After receiving a cheery greeting from Jan, Integra tells her two vampires and scary butler to get a move on and do some vampire stuff. They get right on that, which in Alucard's case means that he goes to lurk in his basement throne room for a while.

 

Luke stops to play with some cannon-fodder (Hellsing guards) in one of the endless Hallways of Doom and Floral Prints, then heads for the basement. Gonna show the old vampire who's boss! Unfortunately for him, he goes from "bang-bang-bang!" to (if you'll forgive an old TWoP-ism) "OMG WTF Who Put All This Pee In My Pants!?" in record time when Alucard transforms into an Eldritch Abomination with eyes and arms and heads in places where eyes and arms and heads don't belong. Alucard is disappointed by all the screaming and pants-peeing and general wussiness, so he eats Luke. Vampir-licious!

 

Upstairs, Walter is appalled by the fact that ghouls don't floss, and he proceeds to floss them vigorously. Unfortunately he forgets that flossing can draw blood when one isn't used to it, and his results definitely do not comply with British Dental Association standards. Seras gets to play with her new cannon. Chunks of ghouls everywhere! She manages to briefly capture Jan for some interrogation, but he escapes and makes a run for the boardroom...the boardroom and all the pissed off board members with guns and anti-vampire bullets. Jan's new Hellsing ghouls mob Seras, but they manage to hit her berserk button and she rips them apart by hand. Jan drops the hint "Millennium" and then self destructs. Integra eventually deduces that it translates to "Nazis", and the only thing worse than a chipped vampire is a chipped Nazi vampire.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jan is a thoroughly villainous little jerk here, but he's got more personality than any three of the other characters combined. Taunting Integra and thanking her for the snacks, using someone's severed hand as a crotch-scratcher, flipping the bird while he bursts into flames. For me he's half the fun of the episode.

 

During the credits you can see some of the characters who haven't been introduced yet in the background. You can also see the funeral for the Hellsing soldiers. Oddly enough Seras is attending, even though it's outside and during the daytime. The organization must have a supply of special SPF-666 sunblock or something.

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A bit bored by ep. 2, except for Alucard, who became more interesting. Being able to disassemble into wolves, teeth, centipedes and eyes makes anyone more interesting, really. My ears also perked up at the mention of Seras’ Harkonnen gun. A Dune reference and a spoiler if you Google it, just FYI.

 

The rest of it though…unimpressed by the gun porn. Too much talking in the fight scenes. Chibi-Seras needs to trip and die. She’s already prat-falling. Just let it take its course. (Sigh. Wishful thinking.)

 

I couldn’t stop myself from looking up Boo Doo PeoPle MurDer PeoPle. The Internet sayeth: it’s a reference to Voodoo People by Prodigy. Or it’s just incompetent spelling. Take your pick.

 

What I want to know is whether it's just their clothes (and glasses) or everything that they're carrying with them. Also, whether the phenomenon is related to Alucard's endless supply of pistol magazines and Anderson's infinite bayonets.

I figured it's like when the Pope blesses you at mass in the Vatican: everything you're wearing, everything in your pockets, is blessed too. The same must apply for stuff in vampire pockets.

 

In my head, the show is now called "Reasons Why You Should Over-insure Your Artwork."

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Hellsing Ultimate will be on hiatus this weekend while they mop up all the blood. In its place Toonami will be taking a three-and-a-half hour Bat-dump.

 

 

My ears also perked up at the mention of Seras’ Harkonnen gun. A Dune reference and a spoiler if you Google it, just FYI.

 

Also a Star Wars reference and Jan invoking the "Konami Code" video game cheat while he was mowing down Hellsing guards. There's a bunch of other shout-outs in the various episodes,

including an appearance by Baron Harkonnen.

 

 

In my head, the show is now called "Reasons Why You Should Over-insure Your Artwork."

 

I wonder if Hellsing is one of those employers that takes out life insurance on its employees. If so, it's payday! Hmm...maybe that's why they're not really equipped to handle ghouls and vampires...

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I actually like the chibi Seras - this show still tries to take itself too seriously and I like when it doesn't.

And I prefer chibi to "about to be raped" Seras, which is also a running theme. I can't decide if it's empowering that she gets to dish out some payback, or if it doesn't make a difference and the whole thing is just wrong.

Are we ever going to get to the point where Seras is getting too weak due to not drinking blood? They keep mentioning that she's denying her vampire nature, but so far there are no ill effects.

Alucard said something about Seras choosing to be a vampire, but I'm not really seeing it. She may be enjoying it at times, but she never really had a choice.

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Well, she did have the option of dying from a gigantic hole through her torso. That's technically a choice.

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The butler said there were only 10 Helsings left. He and Integra and 8 who weren't in the building at the time of the attack. However I didn't see the rest of the board members get killed after shooting Jan. There was also that dude demanding that Integra finish off her men because she messed up protection. So what was with the strange numbering?

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The guys in the boardroom are involved with other parts of the government , and Integra called them in to update them on what her organization is up to. Pretty sure that the "finish off your men" guy is higher up the chain of command than the Hellsing Organization.

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My favorite fight scene in the manga series has got to be the Captain vs Seras. A suped-up werewolf and a Alucard baby vamp just going at it!

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So anyone wanting more Hellsing during the break this week, I highly recommend Hellsing Abridged.  

 

It's a yearly series so they're not going to get very far but we're supposed to get 2 new episodes this month (the series is a Halloween special).

 

I was honestly surprised, having watched Abridged first, how Jan was essentially just like the way he was portrayed in the show.  Wasn't expecting him to be that way (i.e. the cursing and joking), but definitely enjoyed it.  

Edited by Matt K.
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Episode 3: Walter hires some new mercenaries, "The Wild Geese", to replace all the guards who got lunched in the previous episode. Seras has to poke their captain, a one-eyed French guy with an outback hat and a big ol' ponytail named Pip (the guy, not the ponytail. I don't know what the ponytail's name is), a few times to convince him that vampires exist.

 

Integra has a friendly meeting with Maxwell, the head of Iscariot, and by "friendly" I mean that nobody dies this time thanks to a timely herd of tourists that Seras arranges to have wander through the inevitable confrontation between Alucard and Anderson. Integra learns that the Vatican helped relocate Millennium to Brazil back at the end of WWII. She orders her dynamic vampire duo (and Pip) to hop a jet to Rio so they can look into the boys from Brazil.

 

After a pleasant flight, during which Alucard flies first class while Seras flies cargo class, the duo checks in at the Only Important Location In This Part of the Episode Hotel. Alucard is totally rocking the long-haired bishonen look in his undercover identity, which doubtless comes in handy when he seduces...er, hypnotizes the desk clerk to overlook the non-standard luggage he's bringing along. Pip announces his displeasure at having to stay at a more plebeian hotel, and skedaddles. Then Seras has a dream about a Dune character.

 

Millennium's head guy, The Major, knows exactly where Alucard and Seras are and what they're up to. How does he know? Did Iscariot tip him off, or is it just Omniscient Bad Guy Syndrome? Regardless, he has his local vampire, a guy named Alhambra or "Dandyman", sic the local S.W.A.T. forces on Alucard. Alucard makes a quick call to England for confirmation that it's ok to KILL THEM ALL. Integra says it's ok to KILL THEM ALL. Which he does. I doubt there are enough janitors in all of Rio to deal with the mess that he makes inside the hotel.

 

Alucard strolls out the front doors of the hotel, where he confronts Dandyman and his magical playing cards. After Dandyman kills a few dozen bystanders, Alucard "interrogates" him by drinking his blood and learning everything that he knows. Also, Pip blows up the S.W.A.T. command center just for fun, then steals a helicopter.

 

Meanwhile, up in his Evil Dirigible of Naziness, The Major enjoys the show and says a lot of bad guy sounding things. Then he orders his crew to set course for that-a-way, and does a quick musical number.

 

During the closing credits we see some shots of a very young Walter back during WWII, along with some characters that we haven't met yet.

 

------------

 

I Googled the heck out of the song that The Major was singing, and it turns out that it was a hit song by Tom★Cat in Japan during the 1980s. It's called "TOUGH BOY" (yes, all caps), and was used for the opening theme for Fist of the North Star 2. And why was he singing that particular song? Beats me. Same reason most of the characters wear glasses and gloves I guess. Or maybe he's a big Kenshiro fan.

 

The Wild Geese is also the name of the committee that produced this show. Just so you know.

 

Info from the manga: The reason Seras was in her coffin during the flight is that she couldn't survive traveling over running water/the ocean otherwise. Maybe she ought to just drink some damn blood already.

Edited by Sandman87.
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Episode 4: Alucard meets the Queen, and apparently they have some history (like The Doctor?).

The Nazis (Millennium/Last Brigade) declare war on the Vatican, England, and Hellsing, but mostly just want war. Their messenger is Schrodinger, a cat boy who's never quite dead or on one place for long. I love the naming here.

Rip Van Winkle (a name that wasn't really explained) takes over an English aircraft carrier. She can fire a bullet that can change directions at will, and has a catch phrase just like Alucard. She's not much of a match once Walter figures out that he can get Alucard into the middle of the ocean by getting him on an SR-71 Blackbird, a plane that can fly so fast and so high that by the time it's shot down, it crashes directly onto the flight deck, in one piece standing up, a giant flaming cross. That spectacular effect was way better than Alucard once again overpowering a vampire - is there anyone other than Anderson who can even give him a run for his money? (Were the other Nazis on the carrier even vampires at all? They couldn't even survive regular power Alucard...)

Apparently RvW will be Alucard's undoing, which makes me wonder if anyone's tried the "poisoned victim" trick on him before?

Speaking of drinking blood, there's a near-homoerotic scene where Seras drinks blood from Sir Integra, who has saved herself (maybe the cigars tend to put men off?) possibly just so she can become a vampire someday. For a minute I thought Integra would become a vampire, but no, the point was just to give Seras a few minutes of screen time, a few drops of blood, and an awkward relationship with her boss's boss. Messing with Seras' head is a full time job at Hellsing.

That last bit was so over the top that it got a bit boring. Kill the Major before he does any more talking, please.

There are enough main baddies left that I'm not sure this can wrap up in Hellsing V. It is only five episodes, right?

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This week on Ham and Cheese Vampires: The voice actors lay on the German accents thick and heavy. I think I understood about half of what they said. Alucard comes up with a novel way to infiltrate an enemy ship. He then fights a singing and dancing vampire with a magic musket named Rip van Winkle, who starts shitting bricks before he even sets foot on the ship. And by "fights" I mean that he slowly torments her while she freaks out repeatedly, then he bites her.

 

And just in case anyone wants to get a Christmas gift for The Major, I heard a rumor that he likes war. IMO that wasn't a very good delivery of that speech. I remember it being much better in the undubbed version. Maybe it's that Snidely Whiplash voice that he talks in.

 

ETA:

There are enough main baddies left that I'm not sure this can wrap up in Hellsing V. It is only five episodes, right?

No, it's eight episodes total.

Edited by Sandman87.
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I thought Ultimate was 10 OVAs. (Wikipedia and Toonami list 10.) Are they dropping 2 eps. for ultra-violence or something? Just taking stock of what I need to catch up on...

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You're right. I have no idea why "eight" came out when I tried to type "ten." Maybe evil Nazi vampires did it...

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It's good to know that we'll have some time to wrap this up right. I'm not sure where I got five episodes from either.

Hellsing V was just over the top. I find the Nazi cannon fodder vampires a lot less interesting than Alucard.

I'm guessing that the Major will turn out to be a vampire also, somehow.

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I missed the first few minutes of the show. Did Bruce Willis show up, or did they cut that?

 

I like the Nazi Doctor's glasses. They make him look like he's got multiple eyes, like a spider. That suspenders-belly-shirt outfit of his is odd., like something one of the Cenobites would wear.

 

Using long range weapons like the V1 rockets on London when they're in London seems like an awful waste. They could have used regular WWII bombs and rocket launchers and been able to cause three times as much damage with the same tonnage. Must have been a symbolic thing.

 

It's nice that Penwood got to do something heroic. Up to this point all he had done was whine and get hit in the face by Seras's butt.

 

I find the shot of the vampire with the baby in its mouth hilarious. It's just too over the top for comprehension. They're not just vampires, not just Nazi vampires, but baby-eating Nazi vampires. I don't know if there's any possible way that bad guys could be any more evil. Unless maybe it involves kicking puppies.

 

Nice callback to the original Dracula there at the end, with Alucard and his ship of the dead sailing back to England.

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Bruce Willis was totally there and it was truly bizarre. I think this show may have evoke the broadest range of emotions of any I've seen.

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So I just saw that for whatever reason, Toonami doesn't have episode 9 and 10. All this ridiculous buildup and no payoff, At least for broadcast cable users. And darn it my library only only has I - IV.

 

The Bruce Willis interlude was one of the strangest things I've ever seen. And it wasn't even vague or winking references, they ran through most of his film career.

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I am disappointed to not see the last two episodes. Any recommendations on the best way to catch them?

Hellsing VI: I didn't see the Knights of Malta coming into the picture - way to call back to the struggles of the 16th century, I guess? I think they, as well as the Nazis, are still well underestimating Alucard. No one else has even made him break a sweat yet.

I probably should watch the original series - tree are definitely times when I think Ultimate is going too fast. For example, a mere half hour of characterization for the Wild Geese is not going to make me really broken up about what's happening to them. It just feels a bit too rushed.

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This episode: Integra manages to bully the Iscariots (not to be confused with escargots, as I had to inform my spell-checker) into escorting her back to the mansion. Meanwhile, Zorin and Seras do a reenactment of the Hindenburg disaster. Oh, the vampirity! The Wild Geese demonstrate an application of the principle that any military problem can be overcome if you have enough explosives. Unfortunately they're distracted by the Attack of the Fifty Foot Zorin, which gives the lesser Nazi vampires time to get into the building. Seras runs off to confront them after some light sexual harassment, and is nonplussed to see that some Geese have had their gooses cooked.

 

Remember the good old days when vampires just used their hands and teeth? Now they're dual-wielding nearly half a ton of auto-cannons, or casting mass illusion spells and flying around in dirigibles. It's like an all vampire version of Warhammer 40k.

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lathspel, I’m watching on Anime Haven (in HD) and expect it’ll have #9-10 dubbed any day, since the new DVD comes out…oh, today, Oct. 28th. (Why Toonami isn't airing them now, I bet.) YouTube et al. has the subs for #9-10 now.

 

I have no idea why "eight" came out when I tried to type "ten." Maybe evil Nazi vampires did it...

Evil Nazi Vampire Math—hey, it can be the new Pokemon Logic!
 
---------

Catching up on OVA #3…
 
The Baron Harkonnen dream scene really wasn’t useful—Alucard woke Seras anyway—so why did they even bother? Well, it was interesting that the horrifically depraved villain from Dune was given a Mikado-esque redesign, I suppose. But it felt like a wasted opportunity, otherwise. For a moment or two in the KILL THEM ALL scene, I wondered if we were supposed to infer that Integra or the Hellsings were the Harkonnens of this story.
 

I prefer chibi to "about to be raped" Seras, which is also a running theme.

Good point, and I will try to remember this. I just still find the quick-cuts to chibi graphics jarring, and they often interrupt the momentum or buildup of whatever Gothic/Nazi preposterousness is unfolding, so I find they interfere with my engagement in the story. And this makes me resent them and Seras.
 

Pip announces his displeasure at having to stay at a more plebeian hotel...

I laughed at his “damn you, bourgeoisie!” line, which was a relief actually, since I was finding the mercenaries a waste of screen time up to that point.
 

Evil Dirigible of Naziness...

...which was named Deus Ex Machina. That's brilliant. Or lazy writing. Or both.
 

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…and OVA #4.

I am still not sure what to make of this blood-fetish mad lib of a show. Alucard is a darn good character, but the rest of it…I feel like the show keeps shooting itself in the foot with too much exposition, poor pacing, and already repetitive fight scenes. There’s frequently something interesting, but they just can’t seem to stick with it. Or worse, they show an extended shot of Integra’s bangs.

I’m also really missing the Yasushi Ishii soundtrack from Hellsing at this point.
 

IMO that wasn't a very good delivery of that speech. I remember it being much better in the undubbed version.

So that’s the speech people often praise? When it started, I was hoping for something out of Dr. Strangelove. By the end, I was wondering if the Nazis’ eyes had glazed over because they had to listen to their boss yammer on forever. (Clearly, the Nazi vampire attention span is longer than mine. The Hellsing Abridged speech is more my style.)

 

I did chuckle when the Nazi’s had technical difficulty. Also, I kinda think there was a Nazi doppelganger for most of the characters, not just Seras—Integra’s was the camera operator with the bellyshirt.

 

Speaking of shirts…this is Pip the mercenary right?!? The only explanation for that t-shirt I can think of is that Seras took him to the mall.

 

E4R8RTi.jpg

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Alucard said something about Seras choosing to be a vampire, but I'm not really seeing it. She may be enjoying it at times, but she never really had a choice.

 

No, I didn't think so either. Her choice was A Fate Worse than Death (being violated and turned into a ghoul) vs. A Fate Worse than Death (having her life blown away and turned into a vampire). It seems like a choice between this apple with a worm in it and this apple with a different color worm in it. 

 

Sir Integra should be a Dame, if it's really a British title. Also, her father would not get to decide if she inherited the title; that's part of the way the title by the Crown, and allowing women to inherit titles doesn't happen often. So that's my nitpicking for the night. Anyway, she looks like Abel from Trinity Blood to me, so I expect to hear that VA's voice when the character speaks. Abel was more interesting to me, though. 

Edited by Kris117.
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Caught up on OVA #5…
 

I find the Nazi cannon fodder vampires a lot less interesting than Alucard.

I was bored by #5 for this very reason. The opening and post-credits scenes simply weren’t enough Alucard. OVA #5 seemed more disjointed than usual anyway, and that’s saying something for a show this eclectic. It didn’t help that the montages came off like music videos. (Was all that war-glamorizing to music a re-imagining of Nazi propaganda, though?)
 

I like the Nazi Doctor's glasses. They make him look like he's got multiple eyes, like a spider. That suspenders-belly-shirt outfit of his is odd...

That's a doctor? (It's like semiotics is just broken on this show sometimes.) A doctor of what? So far his job has been to film a speech and to walk Nazi vampire soldiers through a pamphlet, so…PhD in PolySci? If he’s a medical doctor, he should ask HR to intercede on his behalf.
 
Walter went a bit Black Butler here—I appreciated that he didn’t emulate the slapstick from that show, though.
 

It's nice that Penwood got to do something heroic.

The funny thing about the setup scene for Penwood was how alarmed and uncomfortable Penwood’s male subordinates/co-workers looked while he was talking about his feelings.

 

Anderson seems to have more nicknames than Satan—did I hear “Saint Guillotine?” It bemused me that Anderson’s buttonholes look like “666666”, btw. Oh, and this time it was Anderson and not Seras who damaged the show’s pacing by interrupting the action. His exposition and egomania could’ve/should've been handled so differently.

 

I was apathetic towards the Bruce Willis dream—this show has made me numb to the weird. In retrospect, the scene seemed tacked on so the audience wouldn’t complain that Alucard only appeared after the end credits. (They should’ve known that would never stop me.) I bet Alucard’s dialogue was very meta, though. Among the things he said: “This is ridiculous. I’m going to leave now,” “Stop it,” and “That makes no sense.” All of which I’ve thought while watching Hellsing Ultimate.

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…and OVA #6.

 

In my head, the show is now called “Hellsing Everything But The Kitchen Sink,” since vampires, Nazis and the Iscariot priests just weren’t enough and the show had to add that blatant-CGI, KKK-looking, Papist army.

 

This is the third episode in a row with character propping for Seras. Ugh. No more, please. In ep. 4 it was Alucard saying how strong she is, in ep. 5 it was The Major saying how dangerous she is, and here it was the Wild Geese impressed by her skills. It took her so many bullets and grenades to bring down the blimp though, she’s got to be a crappy shot. (The Rocketeer is my baseline for shooting down Nazi zeppelins. It was much less effort for him, so easy it was mostly accidental, IIRC.)

 

I should’ve known that Pip’s almost-soliloquys foreshadowed that the Wild Geese were toast.

 

Integra manages to bully the Iscariots...into escorting her back to the mansion.

That scene had my favorite exchange of the episode:

 

     Iscariot priest: “Where are you going?!?”
     Integra: “To my mansion, of course.”

 

I think it made me laugh because it evoked the “damn you, bourgeoisie!” line from OVA #3, as in “Of course, I’m going to my mansion. Doesn’t everyone go to their mansion?”

 

I am enjoying how every episode has a different title card with “Hellsing” materializing in blood or whatever else is in the scene. So, in blood.

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That's a doctor? (It's like semiotics is just broken on this show sometimes.) A doctor of what? So far his job has been to film a speech and to walk Nazi vampire soldiers through a pamphlet, so…PhD in PolySci? If he’s a medical doctor, he should ask HR to intercede on his behalf.

They make it a little clearer later.

You could say that he's a doctor of All-Purpose-Science. You know, like Doctor Doom or Reed Richards.

.

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Thanks. I don't know why I dwell on such things, really.

 

--------

 

OVA #7.

 

Well, that was both the most contemptible and the most visually interesting episode so far. I’m over the endless carcasses enough to start fast-forwarding. And to get it out of the way: Really? Onscreen necrophilia and corpse-rape? Oh, fuck off, show. At least the scene didn’t encourage viewers to side with the corpse-rapist, though I wouldn’t put that past the show at this point.

 

I’m not sure the ep. needed Seras’ flashback, anyway. I kept trying to figure out if her childhood trauma explained any of her behavior so far and finally gave up. I suppose it was intended to make Seras seem receptive to vampirism, but really I expect it was just there so the show could put new forms of gratuitous violence on the screen.

 

And Pip’s story…sigh, more macho bullshit speechifying. I found Pip’s life in pictures in the end credits interesting, though. The photos were much more believable than the sudden, epic love story he conveniently had with Seras. Their kiss was romantic, though also totally gross.

 

I’m liking that the end credits are different every time and that they supply bits of story that the episode doesn’t cover. In the OVA #6 credits (IIRC) there was even a shot of what looked like a cardboard Hitler terrorizing children at a theme park—so incongruous, so funny.

 

My favorite part of #7 was actually Seras’ new demonic arm—such a fascinating image. Her transformation was truly visually stunning too, so crisp and mean and complex. Parts had a red/purple color scheme similar to Casshern Sins, oddly. Guess that style was popular in 2009.

 

Seras’ flight pattern was the Hermes symbol/logo from the title, yes? I was wondering when that thing would become relevant.

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My first thought was: "Seras is going all Eren Jaeger on them ...but where is the third man?"

Agreed, new Seras is looking pretty powerful. She tries to explain it as blood freely given, but her demon arm seems quite Alucard-esque to me. I'm guessing her power is at least partly due to being created by him.

I'm glad to see the end of Soren. It was a memorable end - having your head cheese grated on 50 feet of wall. (Just how long are the hallways in Hellsing Manor, anyway? This is not the first scene where I've suspected that it's bigger on the inside.)

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Poor Pip, he died as he lived; with a band-aid on his nose. No seriously, every shot of him in the entire series has had it, including all of the flashbacks and the memory shards in Seras's head.

 

Zorin found out the hard way that punching someone in the face repeatedly is a bad idea when they have a mouth full of shark teeth.

 

It must be a real pain in the ass to have to work with Schrodinger. He's just so damned cheerful all the time. I bet he's a morning person too.

 

It's a little more clear in the manga than in the anime, but Zorin's head is about 90% gone when Seras gets done with her. The moral of this story is don't piss off the nice ones. Also, consider brains-resistant wallpaper for your hallways.

 

Interesting that the blond guy with the goggles who was freaking out ended up being one of the two survivors. Most of the time the "OMG WE'RE GONNA DIE!" guy is the first one killed.

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I caught up to episode V and I'm sure how much more I'm going to bother with.  The past couple episodes are just so long without much going on and oddly boring despite what violence.  Plus the weird tonal shifts.  At the very least I'm stick with being a week behind since I watch on demand and this way I can at least fast forward through the boring parts (which was like half of this episode).

 

Plus the whole Natzi Vampire thing is kind of played out.  I don't really give a crap about them since again, Natzi Vampires, so thing like the speech would have been pointless to me no matter what, since they're Natzi Vampires, what else is there to say about them or their motives.  I kind of wish there was a better antagonist but it seems like we might get there since I was on Ep V and there's 5 more to go and I can't see Millenium being around for much longer (I hope). At least the Church was mildly interesting (although again still sort of one dimensional).

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I hadn't considered this until the end of VII when Seras flew off. Victoria is a good old British name, but Seras isn't. Could it be an allusion to her being a seraph somehow - an angelic being?

She's really the only person in the story who still counts as innocent and good, so I could see it going that way at the end.

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OVA #5 could be the most boring episode, if that helps, @Matt K . Things pick up in #7-8, for example, because the invasions begin and the show stops stalling on Seras and Alucard.

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OVA #8

This week on You Are Everyone You Eat

Damn. I liked #8 a lot. This was the first episode that I’ve liked all the way through actually, and not just a scene here or there. It finally got to the effin’ point, both thematically and action-wise. The earlier episodes with their endless expositing and speechifying and bloody fodder seem even more like they were stalling now. Plus, #8 was simply less gross than usual, which I appreciated.

Maybe I was just really glad to see Alucard after his absence. He had so many different faces to see here, too. There was the Vlad the Impaler visage of course, but I noticed also that he looked like an idealized youth in several scenes—resembling a painting, though I can’t recall which one—and at other times he appeared corpse-like. I found myself wondering if Alucard was transmuting through the ages of his own life.

I still can’t believe there was an actual explanation for all the demonic eyes. (This week on Alucard is People...)

The music this ep. was really engaging too, despite the fact that the Doctor over-explained the symphony of death analogy until I wanted to dislike it. I think we’ve heard some of the music in earlier episodes, the electronic score in particular, but they used it to better or at least more memorable effect here.

I really liked the end credits song, BTW. Heh. No wonder--it’s from the original show and is by Yasushi Ishii.

I was of course fascinated by the idea that Alucard is keeping himself “tame.” I know it was explained exposited why earlier, but I often question why Alucard would bother serving Integra. Her “I’m adequate” line seemed on-the-nose.

The Christian vs. dragon talk from Alucard also caught my attention and I kept waiting for some visual reference to St. George and the Dragon. I didn’t notice any ultimately, though I did see a couple references to Underworld .

When Anderson produced the nail, I snickered, because the phrase “Tetanus of God” popped into my head.

OK, one more: This week on The Ham and Cheese Stands Alone...

Edited by weyrbunny.
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Alucard's army consists of everyone that he's ever eaten. You could think of it as the Alucard's Vomit Army.

 

I find it improbable that Anderson only just now noticed that Maxwell isn't exactly fighting the good fight. I'm sure I could make a "Maxwell's Demon" joke here, but it's too much work for too little return.

 

Alucard giving Seras a pat on the head was definitely a Warm Fuzzy Moment.

 

Integra ordered Walter to survive in the previous episode. Somehow I don't think she meant that he should defect to the enemy and undergo some unspecified procedure that makes him young again.

 

The OVAs didn't really lay the groundwork to properly explain Alucard's disappointment and disgust at Anderson's decision to monster-ify himself. The manga spelled it out a few times before the confrontation: "Only a man can destroy a monster." Now Anderson is no longer a man, and therefore has no chance of beating Alucard.

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I agree, other than overplaying the symphony of death bit, ep 8 was good throughout. Alucard's ability to use anyone he's eaten is really neat.

Anderson's transformation into a thorn-thing was suitably otherworldly - almost Pan's Labyrinth somehow. I won't miss the good Father too much, though - he plays a little too much of one note for me, and I was getting tired of him.

I'm really curious about Walter. I suspect he's an unintentional vampire like Seras. Unfortunately we have to wait a few weeks to find out, I think.

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Well I watched 6 and it was better but I fast forward through a good deal of the episode.  The real problem is that after episode III there was like 20 min of actual stuff in a 60 min show.  I have no idea why this isn't a 30 min show because typically most of the episode is either crappy music videos, crappy speeches or just boring stuff.  I will say that episode IV was better in that respect but just.  

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I told my kid the other day that up to now, I thought Deadman Wonderland was the most WTF anime I had ever seen up to this point.  Then I saw Hellsing Ultimate.  I wonder what the budget for red ink on this show was. Must have ordered industrial size containers of the stuff.  I finally got around to watching the original anime. Definitely a different look and style and not as bloody and violent. The opening theme is quite catchy and done by Ishii Yasushi.  I recognized the name from the work he did on the Darker than Black OVA and Twins of the Meteor soundtracks. The ending theme of the Hellsing anime seemed wholly out of place given the storyline of the show.

 

One thing that I found jarring about Ultimate was all the smiling. Pretty much every fight people were smiling. A bit creepy if you ask me.   But as I said before, I did enjoy the show against all my expectations.

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