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  1. S07.E02: Hope and Pride

    My auto-correct always changes T-Rav (from Southern Charm) to T-Arab. That’s not even a thing! I have to fix it every time—including in this post. Considering how often I talk about T-Rav (fix), my phone should have learned this by now!
  2. S07.E01: A Decent Proposal

    Supreme is a brand? I just thought it was an adjective. This new information makes it less funny.
  3. S07.E02: Hope and Pride

    The look on Scheana’s face when she saw Britt’s ring! Ha! It IS about the pasta! Two tiny bowls for the 4 of them to share—forcing the gang to purposefully eat Raquel’s pasta. It’s a set-up! Sandoval can’t get engaged yet because he needs a new mineral/gemstone to be discovered so he can be the first human on Earth to make it into a ring. Meanwhile he’s mystified by a convertible coffee table and a washer/dryer. Take that, Sandoval! Your coffee table only has ONE height? Pshaw! Quoting myself to say yaaaaaasssss! Kristin IS flying in star witnesses in cheating confrontation scandals!!! James is dressed like a paper cup and has the audacity to ask what more can he do. How about not stick your dick in other girls?!? Whelp, this leaves us with Raquel as this season’s Brittany and James as the new Jax. Sigh. Guess we’ll take what we can get.
  4. The Bachelor in the Media

    Why Chris Harrison Doesn't Want to Call Colton Underwood's The Bachelor Season the Most Dramatic Ever E! News https://apple.news/A009mNUd3TPODDW9bD2jwXg
  5. S07.E02: Hope and Pride

    Oh, thank god, Kristin is hatching a plan to ruin someone’s relationship! I was really worried that this season we weren’t going to have any investigative drama with a relationship on the line. Crossing fingers she flies someone in as a star witness!!
  6. We can only hope that T-Rav will eventually make the jump to “Love After Lock Up”—an incredible train wreck of a reality show that I just discovered last week on WE in which newly minted parolees finally get to be united with their prison pen pal love interests.
  7. S07.E01: A Decent Proposal

    Based on the previews, it seems that the only dramatic storyline this year is James being a jerk to everyone. Part of the magic of this show has always been the formula of cheating accusation -> denial -> investigation -> admittance. I mean, I’m glad these “kids” are finally growing up and have (allegedly) learned how to have healthy (healthier? healthy-ish?) relationships, but it’s all downhill if there’s no central cheating mystery to investigate. I’m not saying I hope someone cheats...but I’m kind of saying I hope someone cheats.
  8. S07.E01: A Decent Proposal

    Warm up your flat irons, put on your chunky sweaters, and boil up a big batch of It’s Not About the Pasta. Tonight’s the big night, people! Scheana “didn’t make the cut” in Rob’s big fantasy football and relationship draft night. Rob can hang a TV in 7 minutes, but took hours to get around to breaking up with Scheana. Jax bought James “limited edition supreme underwear” whatever that is—and James “Hey! Hey! Heys!” with air guns into the mirror. James’s “artistry” is yelling out, “Remember when Jax f’ed Faith?!” Hahaha. Jax told his hot dog vendor about the proposal. Surprising no one, Sandoval is so caught up in gimmicks and gizmos (a diamond ice press? Souvenir shot glasses?) that he doesn’t have the drink menu ready. Or, well, he might, but Schwartz may have misplaced his napkins and used tissues that the recipes are scrawled on. Sandoval’s look of shock over Jax getting engaged BROKE his Botox and actually reactivated the deadened nerves in his face! Jax spent his entire inheritance on this ring!?! Maybe save some for a house. Jeesh! Jax has to put the ring down his pants! Oh, don’t drop it into the port-a-potty! This is his big romantic plan to take Brittany to a place where you order at a counter and they have port-a-potties?!? He went specifically TO this place when Malibu is otherwise all hoity toity. Does this place have some special significance for them that I missed? I love the previews with everyone fighting with James while dressed up in 80s outfits. How can you be mad at an 80s party?Inconceivable!
  9. A box spring with a thick mattress pad! Eric doesn’t even have a mattress?!? Go sleep on that air couch. Let’s see whether Eric will pull a Debbie and not let Leida buy furniture.
  10. Wow. Are these “friends” or relatives of Ashley that are this disgustingly racist, or do crazy racists just go trolling through wedding sites looking for interracial couples?! That’s scary!
  11. Olga, change the locks while Steven is gone. This kid is outrageous.
  12. In this week’s installment of Let’s Bring Larissa Shopping for Something We Won’t Buy and Will Instead Berate Her About—a private apartment. Debbie gives a sob story of going to a retirement home, and Colteee backtracks that Debbie can live next door or in a bigger house. I loved Larissa’s line early in the episode and wished the thread was open then but something about how Debbie goes away but then she comes out and causes hell.
  13. S06.E07: Flirting With Disaster

    I like to play couple swap and think who would make better matches...sometimes as a compatibility match but mostly what would make the best TV. I think Jonathan and Ashley could actually make a decent couple. They’re around the same age and have that balance of liking to party and wanting to settle down. I would love to see Kalani and Steven coupled up as each is constantly pulling the “MY BABY” card—fireworks! Speaking of fireworks, get those two irrationally jealous, “fiery Latinas” together; Larissa and Fernanda would be in meltdowns if the other ever spoke to another person. Keeping those fireworks popping, could you imagine Debbie and Leida each trying to rule the roost? I imagine oblivious Eric and Asuelo just bumbling into walls together because neither can understand how life works. Olga, you are too pure for this world. I don’t wish any of these losers upon you; take your baby and run! And that leaves Jay...and all of the ladies in the regional area and beyond—his heavy sack a homing device to beacon any women in a 100-mile radius...plus with special service to Jamaica. ETA: I forgot Colteeeeee. That’s because Coltie + Debbie = Tru Luv 4ever. Impossible to break that soulmate pairing. Iiiiii will always love phtew...
  14. Wow. Leida is such a boohole to Tasha.
  15. New show name courtesy of Coltee: “90 Day Return Policy.” Snort! Debbie is going to “misplace” that ring.