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Tom Holmberg

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  1. Curved fingers are useful for those guys with curved penises.
  2. All Episodes Talk: Broad Lawns & Narrow Minds

    Article on Kendale, who's going to Cornell and still wrestling: https://news.cornellcollege.edu/2018/10/kendale-mccoy-20-featured-10-part-starz-docuseries-america/ Chicago Magazine on Episode 8 http://www.chicagomag.com/arts-culture/October-2018/America-to-Me-Episode-8-Recap-Time-for-a-Good-Cry/
  3. All Episodes Talk: Broad Lawns & Narrow Minds

    Local Oak Park newspaper column on episode 7 (the columnist seems to have given up actually discussing the episodes): http://www.riverforest.com/News/Articles/10-9-2018/Have-you-lost-your-righteous-mind%3F/
  4. I doubt if any of the people in those commercials have trouble getting dates (even the "find me" chick). I can't speak for keeping dates.
  5. "Publicity Brat" (Season 2, episode 26). The "brat" was played by 9-year-old Evelyn Rudie, who did a good job being a 9-year-old-going-on-30 year-old brat. She plays a child star who's career is on the rocks and who is scheming to get publicity. When I looked up Evelyn Rudie on the internet, it turned out that in real life, she had taken all of her money out of her piggy bank, took a cab to the airport, got on a plane to Washington, DC to go see Mamie Eisenhower to talk her into getting her a regular TV series. In the meantime her parents thought she'd been kidnapped. Apparently it was legal in the 1950s for 9-year-olds to buy airplane tickets. According to some sources she was the highest paid child star at the time. Today Rudie is the co-artistic director of the Santa Monica Playhouse Also, check out YouTube for her appearance on "You Bet Your Life." http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0748766/ If you want to find out more about Evelyn Rudie check out the story of her and Kay Thompson during the making of the Playhouse 90 "Eloise" broadcast. Try to figure out who was the brat in this story. https://www.villagevoice.com/2010/12/06/remembering-the-eloise-tv-movie-disaster/ Rudie's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is located at the corner of Hollywood and Highland.
  6. "Publicity Brat." (Season 2, Episode 26) "She's No Angel." Stu is vacationing in Palm Springs with Roscoe (I guess he couldn't get a date). Nine-year-old child star Angel Conway (Evelyn Rudie) is also staying at Stu's resort, while acting in a flop at the local playhouse directed by failed movie director Lotsie Becker (Maurice Manson, “The Creature Walks Among Us”). Angel will do anything for publicity to stimulate her failing career, including trying to convince Nurella Parsons (sic) that she's going to have the title role in a remake of "David Copperfield" and having herself endlessly paged at the pool. A bit actor in the play, Nick Devlin Beau Gentry), suggests to Angel they fake a robbery of her mother's precious necklace, then have angel recover the jewels, which Angel readily agrees to. In reality Devlin plans to steal the necklace and use the money to go to Mexico. When the necklace disappears, Paula Conway (Pamela Britton, was TV’s “Blondie” and was the nosy landlady on “My Favorite Martian”), Angel's mother, gets Stu to do a little sleuthing. Stu sees through Angel immediately and suggests they let Angel return to necklace on her own, while Angel's scatterbrained ex-silent movie star grandmother Mavis Matthews (Billie Burke, she of "The Wizard of Oz") encourages the bratty child star in her bad behavior. The next day, when Angel shows up at the theater to recover the loot, she finds the necklace missing just before someone grabs her and locks her in a closet. Angel only has time to lock her choppers into the mysterious stranger's hand. Paula and Stu, who have been following Angel, arrive in time to free Angel from the closet. With the necklace truly gone, Paula confesses that she's broke and she was planning to sell the necklace to Herbert Goulet (Ralph Clanton), a New York jeweler in Palm Springs to buy the gems. With Angel's confession of guilt, Stu goes to Devlin's hotel to find him with a knife sticking out of his back. Fred (famous face Ken Lynch, played cops sheriffs, military men, etc. Sgt. Grover “McCloud” ) and Mrs. Thorn (famous face Virginia Christine, best known from her long run in the Folgers coffee lady commercials), the motel owners are suspiciously dumb about the comings and goings at their establishment. Stu questions Mr. Thorn alone, who tells him that Barbara Sondermann (Della Sharman, please don't squeeze the Sharman), another actress in Angel's play, who is also staying at the motel, was close to Nick, and split town unexpectedly that morning. Checking out Barbara's empty room, Stu gets karate chopped. When he wakes up, Barbara and her things are back and Barbara and Fred claim she was out sketching when Stu visited. Jeweler Goulet tries to manhandle Paula to keep his name out of the case, but is stopped by Stu. Angel and her grandmother decide to solve the case themselves, rather than letting hawkshaw schnook Stu get the credit, and start compiling a list of suspects. In the morning Stu gets a note saying the writer wants to confess and he should meet them at the playhouse. He arrives, along with the rest of the cast getting notes saying Bailey wanted them to show up or else. Angel, clad in a trench coat, has called all the suspects together in clichéd mystery fashion. Angel storms off the stage when her mother threatens punishment. Backstage, Angel discovers the true culprit while out in the playhouse Stu figures the whole thing out, leading to a car chase with the whole Palm Springs police force chasing the killer. The police and Stu catch the killer and Angel catches a long-awaited spanking. Actually a quite funny episode with the monobrow Rudie laying the brattiness on thick. Stu usually doesn't get the funny episodes but he's actually an effective comic actor. Rudie was basically playing herself, and the story could well have been inspired by Rudie famous disappearance. Rudie disappeared from her LA home, with newspapers hinting she'd been kidnapped. Later it turned out she took a cab to the airport, bought a plane ticket and flew to Washington, D,C. on her own with the idea of convinceing Mamie Eisenhower to get her a starring role in a TV series. Though Roscoe is in the episode, he has very little to do. Little known Stooge, Mousie Garner, plays Barney, the comic bellhop.
  7. My father was in an airport bathroom and Ted Turner was at the urinal next to his. I told him he should have turned and asked if he was Ted Turner while pissing on his leg. Unfortunately he didn't do it.
  8. Tony Shalhoub is Monk.
  9. "Safari" (Season 2, Episode 22) Utter asshole billionaire industrialist Simon Galbraith (famous face Arch Johnston, two 77SS appearances) almost dies in a scuba diving accident, after two other "accidents" almost killed him. Galbraith hires Stu to accompany him and all the suspects on a white rhino hunt in Africa. The suspects are: his wife Miriam (Julie Adams, five 77SS appearances), former professional photographer, who Galbraith mentally and physically abuses. Kurt Hafner (famous face Kurt Krueger, five 77SS appearances), ex-Nazi POW, scientific prodigy and head of Galbraith's engineering department, who Galbraith steals all his ideas from and claims as his own. His unloved daughter Joyce Galbraith (Janet Lake, three 77SS appearances), and her lover, Pete Mellon (Robert Colbert, seven 77SS appearances), LA health club owner and former gangster, who wouldn't mind marrying the girl who inherits Galbraith's fortune. Also on the safari is American great white hunter, Doug Walters (Richard Coogan, “Captain Video”, only appearance), former lover of Miriam. By the end of the first 10 minutes of the show, I would gladly kill Galbraith, and obviously everyone had motive to do the son of a bitch in. Before the first day of the hunt, Mellon sabotages Galbraith's hunting rifle. On the hunt, the gun misfires and Galbraith is unfortunately almost mauled by a lion, which Stu unfortunately shoots. Galbraith blames Walters for the misfire, but Stu reveals that he found the missing firing pin in Mellon's gear. The next day the local police take Mellon in and Kurt makes a play for the now abandoned Joyce. Back on the hunt Galbraith finds his white rhino, but misses as the enraged animal attacks him, unfortunately Miriam shoots the Rhino instead of Galbraith, who is cowering in the dirt begging Miriam not to kill him. Stu finally loses his temper and puts Galbraith in his place, despite Galbraith's threats. The rest of the safari members have had enough and decide to leave, in spite of Galbraith ordering them all to stay. As the rest of the safari prepare to leave, Galbraith sabotages the trucks. When Stu tries to stop him, they end up in a fight, with Galbraith shooting at Stu. In the end one of the porters makes the final point, which Galbraith finally gets. Not your typical 77SS episode, but a nice little mystery, with a strong cast. Episode is like old home week. Almost every actor appeared in other, often multiple, episodes. * "Blackout." (Season 2, Episode 23) "The Gang That Couldn't Heist Straight." The thing with heist stories is the criminals have a clever plan to steal some fabulous McGuffin that is complicated by something unexpected, like Bruce Willis showing up. Here the criminal's plan is elaborate, but totally unnecessary. The gang, led by "mastermind" Monty (Rex Reason, “This Island Earth”) want to steal a collection of giant Australian cultured pearls from Cadwell's department store, not exactly Goldfinger breaking into Ft. Knox. Bailey & Spencer are hired to protect the pearls during the day, and at night they are locked in the store's safe unguarded. The job falls on Jeff, who also enlists Roscoe to take shifts. Meanwhile Suzanne is organizing a birthday surprise for Jeff. She collects money from Stu and Roscoe to buy a gold cigarette lighter at Cadwell's. At the store, Suzanne tries on hats while the lighter is engraved. Store owner Mr. Cadwell (Damian O’Flynn, generally played doctors, judges. Etc.) takes care of it personally, telling Suzanne she can pick the lighter up later in his office. She's so excited by her new feathered topper that she leaves without retrieving Jeff's gift. As the store gets ready to close, one gang member Dink (movie star Warren Oates) hides in a closet. That's the first clever step in the master plan, Warren Oates in a closet! Just relying on Warren Oates already dooms the heist. Another gang member, Tip (Donald May), a disgrace electrical engineer, who was planted long before at the city's power plant, throws a spanner in the works and knocks out the power for the whole city. Presumably this is to keep the stores alarm from going off. Back at B&S Suzanne decides to try to visit the closed store to be let in to retrieve the lighter. If Suzanne could possibly get in just by ringing the bell, what would stop the crooks from ringing the bell and knocking out the guard, cutting the alarm wires and not having to blackout the entire city (or involve Warren Oates in the plot). Suzanne, still wearing her precious hat, rings the employee's entrance bell, then knocks on the front door, then goes back around to the employee's entrance, while the crooks watch and wonder what this nut is trying to do. Just then the city goes into its blackout, the crooks grab Suzanne and Warren Oates lets them in. Do they blindfold Suzanne so she can't identify them, do they not even not call each other by their real names so Suzanne can't hear them? Not these geniuses. The gang's yegg man, Red (Sammy White, his last job before passing away March 1960) picks the lock on the safe, while the sole night watchman for the store is trapped in a stall elevator. In a couple of minutes the safeman has it open and they switch the real pearls for fakes. The crooks get away with Suzanne, leaving Warren Oates inside to lock the door. Really? Leave Warren Oates behind so that he can lock the door after you? Pure genius! Back at B&S, Jeff shows up for his birthday bash, but where's Suzanne? Jeff and Roscoe decide to go to Cadwell's and find her. Searching the store they find a clue, the feathers from Suzanne's new hat. From this Jeff deduces Suzanne's in trouble and a check of the safe finds the switched pearls. Jeff guesses the crooks had an inside man and Gil has the cops find Warren Oates in his closet. In the getaway car Suzanne tells the crooks she needs to visit the ladies room, so the accommodating criminals stop at a gas station to let Suzanne freshen up. Back at Cadwell's Jeff gets Gil to give him five minutes alone with Warren Oates. About thirty seconds of Jeff pretending to be a mad dog shamus, breaks Oates down so he spills the location of the gang's hideaway. Suzanne charms Tip as the gang delivers the loot to their fence. The police and Jeff show up, there's a shoot out, and Suzanne is rescued in time to go to Dino's for the blowing out of the birthday candles. None of 77SS heist episodes really worked as heists, and this follows the tradition.
  10. "Condor's Lair." (Season 2, Episode 20) The show opens with aspiring method actor Star Bright (bland, but good-looking Troy Donahue, you might remember him from such films as "The Godfather" and “Cry-Baby”), filling in for Kookie, telling Stu and Jeff that Kookie (Kookie? Kookie who?) is visiting his mother. Stu is meeting wacky, snooty teenage author and international madcap, Kitten Lang (sex kitten Tuesday Weld, back for another go), at Dino's. Kitten, who's staying at the haunted Hollywood mansion, Condor's Lair, wants Stu to investigate the person who's blackmailing her (she's already paid out two payments of $10,000 each). Besides being pretentious, Kitten is also troubled over the death of her racing driver lover, Rico Martinique, in an accident where they were both in the car, and by a mysterious figure in white haunting the estate. Is it the ghost of Rico? Back at 77SS, Stu is told he's had a threatening call, telling him to stay away from Kitten, and a threatening visitor, Paname (David Cross, appeared in a few b-movies), Rico's French car mechanic and Kitten's driver and self-appointed bodyguard. Stu teaches the Frenchman not to mess with the USA. Stu is called back to Condor's Lair, somebody spiked Kitten's hot cocoa with a Mickey Finn. Kitten's guardian, aunt Maggie Lang (Andrea King, WB contract player), tells Stu Kitten thinks someone tried to poison her. Maggie hints that the whole thing might be the product of Kitten's overactive imagination. She says she was unaware of the blackmail. Washed up singer/actor, and pencil-mustached Frank Sinatra, Stacy Noble (Robert Lowery, “Circus Boy”) shows up for his date with the 17-year-old Kitten, who's too upset to see him. Leaving Condor's Lair, a mysterious figure in white takes a pot shot at Stu's car. Stu questions Stacy, who egotistically thinks Kitten tried to kill herself over him, and that Kitten has an overactive imagination. Leaving, Stu runs into Stacy's wife, Lydia Noble (Jeanne Bates, long career in bit parts), who explains that, though her husband is a cheap Romeo and cradle-robber (and a lousy singer to make matters worse) wooing a minor, she still loves him. Stu assigns Roscoe to investigate Stacy, and he discovers that Stacy has suddenly paid off big losses he ran up at Las Vegas, where he was performing. Stu returns to Stacy's apartment to confront him and discovers Lydia shot dead. Stacy's bank book shows two deposits of $10,000 each. Stu sends Star Bright to Condor's Lair to protect Kitten. Star and Kitten have a long, pretentious discussion about Transcendentalism before making out. Their make out session is interrupted by a figure in white flitting through the garden. Stu and Roscoe rush over and chase the figure, who has taken a shot at Kitten's bedroom window. Stacy and Paname (dressed in white) join the search for good measure. With all the suspects together, Stu catches the perpetrator and everyone lives happily ever after. Stu asks Kitten what she's going to do now, and is told she's "going to Disneyland", with Star. Nothing much special, other than Tuesday Weld. Written by Gloria Elmore, who wrote many of the better episodes. * "The Starlet" (Season 2, Episode 21) Mrs. Donnelly, mother of aspiring actress Kay Donnelly (Kaye Elhardt), heirs Jeff to investigate two failed attempts on her daughter's life. Jeff gets an invitation to the Hollywood Film Club where Kay lives, a rooming house for aspiring actresses and a hornet's nest of estrogen and mean girls, for the Starlet of the Year Award ceremony. When Hollywood romance items Rhonda Saxon (Nancy Valentine, married the maharaja of Cooch Behar), former resident of the club, and actor Derek Rand (Joel Lawrence) announce the winner, it turns out that shy and retiring Ellie Hayes (very cute Jean Blake, who had a low-level career in Hollywood) won rather than favorite Kay. Despondent, Kay runs to her room and apparently commits suicide. Mrs. Donnelly wants Jeff to continue his investigation, believing Kay wouldn't kill herself over losing the award. Jeff returns to the Club to investigate, getting the lowdown from the Club's receptionist, Marge (well-played by the always reliable Christine Nelson). She tells Jeff that Paula Harding (Diane McBain, played either "bad girls" and "spoiled rich girls", appeared in eight 77SS episodes), Kay's roommate, and Mrs. Wetherby (Linda Watkins, made her name on the stage), the Club's housemother, both disliked Kay. Jeff searches Kay and Paula's room, finding a note in Kay's purse with a description and license plate number of a card on it, only to be caught by Paula. Jeff blackmails Paula into keeping quiet. Later he runs into Paula and talent agent Johnny Kamsler (Howard McLeod) at Dino's. Kamsler tells Jeff Kay lost the Starlet contest because the clip seen by the judges was "a dog." Jeff drives Paula home with a stop so Paula can drop off a letter at her aunts. A little sleuthing leads Jeff to discover Paula's aunt's place was actually Derek Rand's apartment. Finding out that Rand is at Palm Springs he drops in to pick up Rand's mail to read Paula note, only to get trounced by Rand's roommate and bodyguard, meathead Steve Lucy (Paul Lukather, long career but never made it big). Nursing his injuries back at 77SS, Jeff gets a visit from Ellie, who wants to use her award money to hire Jeff to investigate Kay's death. Jeff sets up a date with Ellie so he can get into the Club and do some sleuthing. Jeff and Kay investigate the projection booth at the Club and discover that Kay's clip was switched. They then search Mrs. Wetherby's room and find that Rhonda Saxon is actually Mr. Wetherby's daughter. Jeff also uncovers that Kay was secretly married to Derek Rand. Wetherby confesses she switched the reels to wreck Kay career and give Rhonda a chance to marry Derek. Since all roads lead to Rand, Jeff drops in again at Derek's penthouse apartment, and gets clobbered again by Steve Lucy. Steve tells Derek that he got rid of Kay so Derek could marry Rhonda. Jeff, who was just playacting being unconscious gets into a knock down drag out fight with a boy named Lucy, who falls over the balcony of the penthouse's terrace (oddly the same balcony and terrace that Jay North almost fell from in Season 1, Episode 19 “Eyewitness”). This episode gives TV viewers probably what they wanted from a 77SS episode, a Hollywood setting, glamorous dames, a little mystery and a little humor.
  11. I assumed they were sort of copying the KFC ads, but having the real Jimmy Dean. There's a channel, RFD, that shows the old Jimmy Dean variety show. The Jimmy Dean Show was the first national exposure for the Muppets. Rowlf the Dog was a regular on the show. The show was pretty weird; they'd have C&W stars like Minnie Pearl or Chet Atkins, and then N. Y. comics like Jackie Mason on the same show. I once was walking by a building and the Dalai Lama came out. I couldn't help yelling "Hello, Dalai!" I figured I'd never get another chance. True story.
  12. They should have had Gordon Jump the Maytag man do the ad.
  13. Small Talk: We'll Be Right Back

    Someone needs to make a movie, "Mean Boys."
  14. Small Talk: We'll Be Right Back

    How long does a gym shower last? Junior high boys are going to make fun of anything that makes one kid stand out (so to speak). And though they won't admit it, they are all comparing themselves with everyone else. I don't remember that much about it, at this late date, other than there was enough of a curve to get him a nickname. Everybody else was just glad they weren't getting a nickname! (Another kid got the nickname "Cheerio", but I don't even want to go into that.)
  15. Small Talk: We'll Be Right Back

    In flaccid penises, there's the "shrinkage" kinds of penises and the dangling kinds of penises.