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wheresmypizza

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  1. Maybe it's my Midwestern, Episcopalian, middle class upbringing, but who are these Darcy and Jesse people???? I don't know and have never known such shallow, artificial, miserable people in my life. Is there a single thing about Darcy that is real? Let's start at the top and work our way down, shall we? Fake hair, eyebrows, lashes, lips, teeth. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Does she have anything in her life that is about something/someone other than herself? I can't imagine a more pathetic, soul-sucking life than the one she lives. Example: even Jesse, shallow and ridiculous as he is, wanted her to show him the sights, to know something about his surroundings, to educate himself. She didn't know or care what anything was, the history or purpose of anything, just asked him how her makeup looked. There will be many more Jesses for her. And many more surgeries. And many more desperate attempts for attention.
  2. I was very interested to find out that Vicki and Steve had broken up over the summer. His choice because she was too busy? (Cut to scenes of her directing traffic at Coto Insurance). That's HER narrative. Okay Vicks, we'll go with that. More likely scenario? Steve Chavez Lodge decided that filling Vicks' Love Tank was so beyond exhausting that even the screen time benefitting his political career/career reinvention wasn't worth it. Changed his mind when Mommy's house got stuffy. He'll keep filling the role she cast him to play, but he isn't putting a ring on anything. Everyone's right, she's not in love with him anyway. She's in love with the idea of him. She'd take Brooks back in a second. Now, on the other hand, if Steve promised to let her in on his scam, told her only she could help him win the this/that or whatever vote by doing this/that or whatever and that by doing so would ensure they would stroll arm in arm to Camelot? Now you're talking.
  3. Wow! Our Ang goes from despondent to YAY, CAKE! faster than a jackrabbit on a date. Karine is '4 to 6 weeks' preggs? HAAAAAAAAA! That kid already has hair. Jesse dumping this thirsty chick in the most humiliating way possible is my everything. Her lugging her suitcase up those stairs in her stupid outfit will get me through the week. Did she think he was going to whisk her off on some magical, whirlwind, steak-on-the-bias getaway? Sadly, yes.
  4. I never really realized it until now but our Carole really is a bit of a star-fucker, hanger on-er, Zelig type. No? She's nothing if she's not bffs/married to/sleeping with someone cooler or more famous or more successful than she. And is therefore cool via proximity. And the second you call her on it she's off to the next one. And I say that as someone who used to LOVE me some Carole and thinks What Remains is wonderful. She's just so aloof that you don't notice it right away.
  5. S10.E20: Reunion Part 1

    Poor Ramona. She actually was managing to go toe to toe with Bethenny for a bit, for once. Then she had to go and punctuate it with the fake tits line. She's just a total spaz. Carole really thought she was the Carrie Bradshaw this season, didn't she. New 'do, new décor, new clothes. She got the first clip in the credits, with the oh so uptown hailing of the cab. She's so cool and nonchalant with the much younger boyfriend and the 'deadlines shmedlines' attitude. So big for our britches, weren't we?
  6. Not to mention the fact that this tool wouldn't even be able to trademark his artist moniker 'King Crimson' because that was an ACTUAL, legendary, REAL BAND from the 70's that a quick Google search would have yielded.
  7. S06.E16: Sur Going South

    Brittney knows exactly who and what Jax is. So does her whole family. Her Mom practically salivates around him. She got not one, but two TV shows, new boobs (which she relishes every opportunity to show off), and she's always 'the good one', 'too good for him', 'too sweet for this', and so on. I see you, Brittney.
  8. Diaper rash and hemorrhoids? Sounds like a neglectful mama who leaves dirty diapers on all day. Yelly Dad may be a douche, but I don't for a minute think he's an abuser. Clearly mama didn't either since it took her forever to formulate a plan. Dad probably probed it with a Q-tip or something going wtf? Isn't that kind of what the kid herself was saying?
  9. S10.E05: Two Tops Never Work

    Heather. Oh, Heather. Somebody's gotta keep you in bad extentions and botox. You wanted to be a trophy wife. Well, here ya go. He has to take that call. Just as if he were an OBGYN. You were an agent. You know this. It's a fucking stroller.
  10. S06.E02: Unfaithful

    The star of this ep for me was the Taco Bell sweatshirt of shame. *sniff*
  11. You know what my favorite part of today's episode was? The part where he sends her to the PNP Center and peddles some Robin's Wrinkle Cream!!!
  12. I suspect Peggy has an IFB and Diko's feeding her lines off camera. Problem is, she's dumb af fuck and flubs even the simplest of them. Then he shows up, all armchair quarterback to try and fix it by calling audibles. Give him an orange, he's earned it. She clearly hasn't.
  13. Vicki quitting?. Please. They'll have to drag her off the stage with a shepard's hook, kicking and screaming like the toddler she is. She just wants everyone to kiss her ass and beg her to stay. Because home has Steve in it and he's boring her to tears.
  14. From your lips to God's ears.