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  1. Jonah's second date's only mistake was not grabbing that dessert to go! When everyone got out of the car in front of the fundraiser looking disheveled (heh, Gary was tucking his shirt into his pants), I thought there would be a tabloid story the next day about Selina having an orgy in the car. As soon as Andrew asked Mike how to have his text messages read out loud, I knew this would happen but I was all for it as long as it meant getting Andrew out of the picture (again). Oh, Amy. You don't need to be Stand By Your Man Barbie either. Ditch Buddy already! Hush your mouth!
  2. Selina: Oh my goodness, you're so funny! If only the American people could have known you for your sense of humor instead of your bizarre indifference to apartheid. Selina: Let's go see what else Hughes stole from the West Wing. Selina: I don't understand how a guy who never cracked a book can open a library. Gary: How is an ex-President's ex moving back in with her going to go over with small town America? Selina: Unlike small town America, Andrew fucks me in a way I really enjoy. Selina: This is as impromptu as a colonoscopy but with quadruple the assholes. Selina: I'm the only living President who doesn't have [a Presidential library]. And you know why that is? Richard: Because you served less than one year? [Will sprays antibacterial gel on Furlong's hands] Furlong: Can't be too safe. That sweaty pederast has ruined more more kids than the common core. Luckily Will's anal halitosis renders him completely unboofable. Tell them why, Will. Will: I'm fortunate to be odious to all colors on the sexual spectrum. Furlong: So what is it? Speak, Professor X-gavier. Jonah: Minority leader Furlong, with Congressman Shields's retirement, there is an empty seat on ways and means, so- Furlong: Yeah, let me save you the peanut log you're about to squeeze out of your face anus here. No. You remain in detention on the ethics committee with the rest of the special ed breakfast club. Jonah: Nobody in Congress cares about ethics! Jonah Ryan needs to make waves! Furlong: Dismissed, G.I. Slow. Jonah: Yeah, I'm free Saturday night. Furlong: I am shocked. Good luck getting your precious back from those mean hobbits, Smeagol. Andrew: It turns out people are considerably more interested in your library than they are in adult literacy or AIDS. Selina: Well, I guess AIDS had a good run. Andrew: I have a Pakistani industrialist who's interested in donating $20 million if you can get his cousin off the no-fly list. Selina: As long as he promises not to blow up my library, I don't really give a shit. Selina: In terms of the library, I would really like to have a reflecting pool, some place for people to come and sit and reflect on what this cock suck of a country did to me. Selina: Who else do you know that went to Yale that could help us? Richard: Well, I did. I can call my RA. We're still pretty close. Your undergrad alma mater Smith College said they were open to exploring. Andrew: Just like a Smith girl open to exploring. Selina: Lesbians would really know how to run a library. Jonah: Did you see that? I was standing right there and Furlong didn't invite me to his power broker dinner. I love paella! Ben: Wives in this town make the social calendar. Mrs. Furlong likes inviting couples, not unregistered sex offenders. Kent: If you want to position yourself for higher office, long term you will need a committed partner, specifically a woman. Jonah: Fuck that dated paradigm. I am a balling bachelor sexual congressman. I will be passing bills by day and smashing gash by night. Ben: Congressman, being a bachelor in this town means you're gayer than a TV evangelist. Jonah: Goddammit, I had homophobia. Kent: If it's any consolation, statistically speaking married politicians have more sex with more single women than single politicians. Richard: Estimates for construction [of the library] are coming in at $300 million. Selina: Can we reallocate some of the money from the Meyer fund to the library? Andrew: Absolutely. Richard: Actually that's a felony. Selina: So we just tell them that we have it all. Andrew: And then we just shuffle papers around until it looks like we actually do. Richard: That's also a felony. Jonah: You can dessert or an appetizer, but not both. Jonah: Do you have any current pictures of your mother? I need both front and rear. Amy: Andrew is very hard to get rid of. He's like the herpes virus or an unwanted child. Selina: In this case, he gave me both. Selina: Amy Brookheimer just hung up on me. It doesn't get lower than that, does it? Gary: I just didn't want to tell you, "I told you so." Selina: Because you didn't, did you? You just rolled your eyes like the world's bitchiest mime. Marjorie: Ma'am, you are unstable and manipulative and I worry about the genes you will pass down to our child. But your ex is worse. Selina: I appreciate that. It means a lot. You're like a son to me. Mike: Apparently Andrew kept referring to his penis as the First Chubbie. Selina: That's like Princess Di hiring Camilla Parker-Bowles to be her limo driver! Although in that case that would have worked out better for her. Buddy: I can't believe I spent the night in jail. Amy: It's a piddling DUI. In Nevada, that's practically a resume builder. There's a guy driving drunk on the state flag right next to the guy beating his wife. Dan: Let me give you one word of advice - run. This predator has roofied more women than Kappa Alpha Cosby. Jonah: That's not an actual fraternity. Dan: Unless you enjoy the thrill of waking up in a basement torture dungeon, I'd say call it a night. Crystal: Maybe I should go. Jonah: Crystal, it's fine. It's just an unfinished basement.
  3. I didn't watch The White Queen so maybe someone who watched that will have more insight, but in the previous episode it was established that Cecily is jealous of Lizzie. She made more than one comment in the season premiere that made it seem obvious that her jealousy is not a new thing either. I think that's a large part of her motivation in siding with Margaret, but I also think that she was telling the truth when she told Lizzie that if she had to choose one side of her family, she'd rather choose the side that she's afraid of (rather than her cousin Warrick). Cecily is not stupid either. She can clearly see that Margaret dislikes Lizzie and that until the end of this episode, Henry didn't particularly like Lizzie either. That is an opportunity for Cecily to suck up to the king and his mother and lay the groundwork to get some power for herself, whether that means hoping she will be chosen as his next week if he exiles/imprisons/kills Lizzie, gets some say in who she marries, or stays at court in a trusted position.
  4. Duchess Cecily: I'm going to my daughter's palace in Burgundy. At least there there'll be something to drink.
  5. Despite Russ's explicit analogy, he was right about Richard not fully being behind the Pied Piper videochat and he was earnest when he asked Richard what he would create if he had unlimited time and resources so...yay, Russ?
  6. Richard: You built the videochat. I'll give you that. But you did it using my algorithm. Dinesh: Right. Like when Picasso painted a masterpiece, the guy who made the brushes and the paint deserved all the credit. Guilfoyle: I'm quite certain I've never said this before, but I agree with Dinesh. Russ: Fuck yes, I want to talk business! What's the play? Let's fuck this thing right in the pussy. Thanks for meeting me here. My fucking nanny got another DUI and lost her license and now I'm stuck picking up my own kid like an asshole. Russ: You don't like it. You don't believe in this product you're selling. You're not behind it, Richard. I can tell. And as much as you want to be, you're not. It's like this. You're trying to date a woman, but deep down in your heart, you know you're gay. Deep in your soul, you know you'd rather be plowing a dude. Richard: I don't. I don't. What dude? Russ: It could be any dude as long as you really want to fuck him. It could be a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pub, a gibster, a daddy chaser, a leather man, a lady boy, a Donald Duck. [Richard gives him a blank look] Russ: A Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the navy. Richard: How do you know so many gay things? Russ: My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring. Richard: I own a telescope. Russ: Of course you do. Erlich: Is this the moment that I become the CEO? Dinesh: You? Why you? Erlich: It's a simple process of elimination. Guilfoyle, as an anarchist, would never accept a position of authority in any official organization. And you, of course, are out of the picture because Guilfoyle would never allow it. Dinesh: Yeah, that's true. Erlich: And Jared - he'd sooner commit harikari than replace little baby Richard. So that leaves me. And honestly, gents, who would you rather have defending your four percent stake in the company? Richard: I think it should be Dinesh. Guilfoyle: What? Erlich: What? Jared: What? Dinesh: Whaaaat? Richard: Sorry, Bighead. [Bighead looks up from a crossword puzzle] Bighead: What? Richard: Yeah, Dinish, you were the one who hacked together the videochat in the first place. You know the product inside and out. You are the horse that I would bet on. Dinesh: You really think so? Richard: I do. Erlich: I'm down. Guilfoyle? Dinesh: Guilfoyle, can I please be CEO of Pied Piper? Guilfoyle: Spoken like a true leader. But since your failure as a leader is a virtual certainty, tolerating your short rein as CEO in exchange for a front row seat to the disaster seems fair. Plus if I'm wrong, which I'm not, I get rich. Jared: I've always been very adept at taking the shape of whatever shoe is pressed down upon me.
  7. I am applying current HIPAA laws to this episode and I will admit that I don't know what the regulations were back in the late 50s when this Nazi guy was part of a carpal tunnel study, but I can tell you that where I work, we do not keep data for 30+ years. We are required to keep consent forms for five years after the study ends (not five years after the person participated). After that, we shred that information. We would not put paperwork into a storage facility. The data we might keep a little bit longer than that so it's possible that the raw data would exist more than five years after the study concluded, BUT the data is never linked to anyone's name. Each participant is assignd a code or number so that if you were to find the data and you had a list of the participants, you wouldn't be able to link any data back to a specific participant. But the point is that if you went digging through our files 20-30 years later, you might be able to find the raw data with a subject number, but no names. As soon as Joan said that they might be able to find this guy by searching through the old study data, I as like ehhhhh, probably not. Marcus was up and down for me this episode. I totally laughed when he said they could collect the rich guy's $2 million prize for figuring out who wrote the magic book. But he lost me later when he got very judgey and accusing with his girlfriend about how she could have been with a guy like her ex. Most abusers don't start out abusive, so simmer down there with the condescension.
  8. Sherlock: You look at the iron maiden and think, "How awful." Mr. Risher looked at it and probably thought, "If only I could find the matching Judas cradle." It's a pyramid of iron set atop a stool. The victim is disrobed and then lowered via harness until- Joan: We got it. Marcus: Don't look at me. I've been to your place. I'm surprised you guys don't have one of these. Joan: He even included an old picture of himself playing Go Fish with his grandfather. Sherlock: It hardly seems fair, a legendary card shark against a doltish child. Marcus: On the bright side, I guess we can go claim Quinn Malcolm's $2 million prize. Marcus: Let's just say I think that people who try to buy Nazi crap on the internet are capable of all sorts of things.
  9. It doesn't matter if people "agree" with the statutory rape laws because they are still laws. That's like saying I don't agree that murder is a crime so I should be allowed to kill whoever I want without any penalty. Ezra being Aria's teacher isn't just "a big issue." It puts him in a direct position of authority which is just ONE of the things that makes him having sex with her illegal in the state of Pennsylvania. From wikipedia: This means that if Aria had sex with Ezra while she was still 15, it was illegal because he was clearly more than four years older he would be charged with statutory sexual assault, aggravated indecent assault, and involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. When she had sex with him when she was 16-17, it was STILL illegal because he was an employee of the school. This would result in a third degree felony charge. In addition, because she was 16-17 and he was over 18, he would be charged with involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, unlawful contact with a minor, and corruption of a minor. This isn't a difference of opinion. It's the law in the state of Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania statues:
  10. Sneak peek:
  11. Promo: Clips:
  12. On the other hand, there is something to be said for Bryce never really trying to hide the fact that he's a creepy predatory asshole. I'm not saying that makes him better, but it annoys me that Courtney puts on that fake nice girl act (as does Marcus).
  13. I'm totally fine with you putting Jessica higher on the list for several reasons. As you said, her rape was a terrible thing and no one deserves to be raped, but her rape also doesn't negate the things she said and did to Hannah both before and after she was raped. She wasn't a very good friend to Hannah outside of their initial friendship with Alex at Monet's. She didn't seem to show any remorse for sneaking around behind Hannah's back to be with Alex and she then took her anger at Alex about the list out on Hannah. Alex at least seemed sorry about what had happened and took some responsibility for his part in Hannah's unhappiness. I know Jess had her own shit to deal with after the rape, but even before that happened she seemed fine with all the choices she had made.
  14. I agree that he looks average/normal meaning not noticeably tall/short or fat/skinny. There were a few boys at my high school who hit puberty a little later than most so they were noticeably smaller our freshman year. I can imagine it's difficult to look like you're still 12 when you're surrounded by big football and basketball players.
  15. I think the good side of needing filler was giving the characters a lot more back story. In the book, we got almost no background about any of the people Hannah wrote about, which kind of makes sense since the tapes were told from her more limited point of view. On the show, we got more of an omniscient POV so that we were able to see things that Hannah didn't personally witness, like Justin's home life or his very imbalanced friendship with Bryce. Yes, Clay was #9 on the tapes in the book (it stuck out to me because Tony told Clay, "You're the ninth person I've followed," and at that point in the book, I had stopped paying attention to which tape/side was written on the first page of each chapter). He passed the tapes on to Sheri/Jenny without going to confront Bryce or Mr. Porter. I'm 99% sure that by the time Hannah arrived at the second party (which was at Courtney's house in the book, not Bryce's), the only people left were Courtney and Bryce. Or they were the only people left in the hot tub when Hannah got in. I don't remember her mentioning anyone else but I'll have to go back and check to make sure. I may have also read through that section a little faster because I knew what was coming and just skipped right over Ryan's name!