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  1. S04.E06: I See You

    As soon as I saw Paula measuring her new office, I knew she was procrastinating. I say this as a fellow procrastinator! I was cracking up about Rebecca calling this a road trip. It takes less than an hour to get from West Covina to Irvine without traffic (right now, Google Maps says it's 42 minutes). Ha, the Beach Boys song cracked me up. Darryl's barbecue outfit! Sorry, but if I endured an uncomfortable hourlong drive, I would have at least stayed to eat that damn barbecue and then just taken Lyft home. Josh picking up the desk with one hand and then replacing the water cooler was hilarious. Bonus points for not knocking over any of Mrs. Beattie's (MANY) knickknacks in the process. I'm glad that Rebecca apologized for blowing up at Darryl, but I wish Darryl had also taken some responsibility for ignoring the boundaries that she tried to set before they left. In the Heather/Nathaniel fight, I was 80% on Heather's side because she was being nice when she pulled over and then offered him a ride. He was being so fucking rude by bitching about her car the entire time. If you don't have something nice to say, then SHUT UP, especially when someone is doing you a favor. But Heather was out of line for demanding to know what was in the envelope. It's one of your business, lady. Grabbing it was totally over the line and inappropriate. She was totally right to tell him what a dick he is for insulting her car though. Not everyone consider their car to be a status symbol or an extension of who they are. Yes, her car was old and messy but it got her from home to work and some people are really utilitarian about their cars and drive them until they die. I had a friend who was totally like that even though he made a lot more money than I'm guessing Heather makes. He lived in LA too and did a lot of driving so his feeling about his car was that it just needed to go. I think his car was similar to underwear to him in that he didn't think much about it and just needed it to perform its intended function (to be fair, I never looked in his underwear drawer so it's possible that he had all kinds of wild and crazy underwear). I've never heard of an au pair staying for SEVENTEEN YEARS. I liked that they mixed up the usual pairings/groups which created some new dynamics. I feel a little bad for Josh. I get that it's weird for Hector that Josh is living with his mom, but why is everyone else being so damn judgmental? If he enjoys her company (which he clearly does), what's the big deal? You're allowed to have friends who are not your age!
  2. Crazy Quotes: Body Rolls Are Hard

    Valencia: My apartment is tiny but I've got this great couch that you can pull out to be a bed then a desk then a dining room table and then a Pilates reformer. Rebecca: Ooh, très chic! It's like your little first-class cabin. Heather: Exactly. Especially since the bathroom is down the hall and you share it with ten other people. Valencia: How are you, Rebecca? Is today group therapy day? Heather: No, V, her group is Thursday, individual therapy is Friday, equestrian share circle is Wednesday. Valencia: You should call Paula. Isn't that what you guys like to do together? Eat food for fun instead of fuel? Rebecca: AJ, listen to this parade of no's. George: "Did you mean to send this to me? If yes, no." Bert: "Not allowed within the Irvine city limits. " Maya: "Eek, sorry, can't. In Solvang with Emma Watson." Who says "eek, sorry" anyway? Ooh, AJ, can you come? AJ: Eek, sorry. I'm working. For you. Right now. In front of you. Rebecca: Oh, right. Boo. AJ: If you're looking for fun, why not go on the apps? You haven't been on a date since I started working here and you're afraid your hymen is coming back. Rebecca: Wait, how'd you know that? AJ: You told me. Repeatedly. I was gonna report it to HR, but you are HR. Rebecca: AJ, I just can't go on the apps. I only attract toxic or unavailable men, then I fall for them. It's a whole thing. I should tell you about it sometime. AJ: You've told me about it. You've done nothing but talk about it. I was actually gonna report that, too. AJ: You said you wanted a chill hang. That's not Darryl. We only met once and ended up spending the whole time talking about our mothers and crying our eyes out. Dude is extra. Heather: Here is your burger and cabbage. I call it the No One Wants That. Bert: Hey, Nathaniel. I went to your house but you weren't there so I called all of the dining establishments in the city until I found you. Nathaniel: Why? - Bert: Oh, some mail came for you at the office yesterday, so I thought I'd bring it to you the way, you know, coworkers with a good rapport bring things to each other on Saturdays. Bert: Uh oh, burger salad. Are you in trouble? My grandmother used to make that for me and my seven sisters when we were bad. Paula: You don't scuba dive. Josh: Uh, yeah, I scuba-did. When I was ten, I scuba-doved. Paula: I thought you had another job. You're a DJ. Josh: Yeah, that's at night. During the day I like to pick up some extra cash. Plus Hector's mom likes me to be out of the house during the day. That's when she Jacuzzis and edits the podcast. Paula: Well, that's good. I mean, you're saving up money to move out of her house, then. Josh: What? No. I'm not moving out. Though we could use a bigger place and we do dream about owning. Paula: Wow. Josh. I am, as always, amazed at your utter Joshness. Nathaniel: I forgot to charge my car and now I'm out of juice. I've been trying to get an Uber but these idiot drivers keep canceling on me. Heather: You must have a bad rating. Nathaniel: The ratings go both ways?Socialists. Rebecca: Look at you! You look like a small-town mayor at a 1970s rodeo. Or, oh, you look like the guy in the porno who goes, "Nancy, I want those oil reports on my desk yesterday." Darryl: Thank you. I go all-out for barbecue. It's like I say: "It ain't a real meal unless you suit up from hat to heel." Rebecca: Ha! That's funny. Oh, you're fun. And anyone who said you would not be fun or would be super emo is wrong, because you're already rhyming and you're already in a costume- Darryl: Well, this is not a costume. Rebecca: In an outfit that screams "costume." Josh: I think some of my issues started with potty training. My mother bribed me with candy, so I wasn't internally motivated. I mean, you really need to start with what's inside and then go outside. I got hard candy if I went number one, I got chocolate if I did number two, which I thought was kind of funny, because, like, chocolate. Oh, that reminds me! Being picked first for kickball every single time was at once an honor and a burden, and created a kind of split in my psyche. I mean, it's not that difficult of a difference. Okay shotokan, tae Kwon do. Need to count in Korean - hana, dul, set, net, dasol, yasot, iilgup, yodol. And then Japanese is ichi, ni, dan, shi, go, roku, shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu. I get them confused, sometimes, but it's really not hard at all. When I was working at Aloha, I felt so trapped in that back office. Sometimes literally, because Alex would put boxes in front of the door, and that sucked. No, sorry. That made me feel sucked. Paula: Josh, what? Josh: Oh, yeah. You're not in therapy. You don't get the lingo. Paula: Well, what's the lingo for, "For the love of God, please stop talking"? Josh: I think it's, "Let's sit with that for a minute." Dr. A says that a lot. Nathaniel: Gawd, this car is disgusting. This is like an old mobile garbage can. - How do you live like this? Heather: What? There's nothing wrong with this car. It gets me where I need to go and I have access to all of my belongings which is great. Also, it's none of your business. Nathaniel: Cool. Well, if I need a dirty shirt or an empty water bottle or hair scrunchies, I'm good to go. Heather: Oh, yeah, cause I'm the weird one. Mrs. Beattie: I do my bills standing over a sink eating a ripe grapefruit. Saves a plate. Paula: There's a scratch here. Mrs. Beattie: Really? I don't see how. I stored it away from my leopard and my anteaters. Heather: You were at my wedding. Nathaniel: So what? Heather: So that, like, bonds us. Nathaniel: It really doesn't. I was at Kate Middleton's wedding and we barely speak anymore. Nathaniel: Why is your car making weird noises? Heather: Oh, yeah. Those aren't weird. I know exactly what those are. It happens every 12 miles or so. I just duct tape the coolant hose and then I'm good to go. Nathaniel: Wow. Crafty. Very Etsy. Darry: You know, sometimes I think we're close, like when you give me parts of your genetic code to make a person, but sometimes it feels like you just don't like me. And I look past it because I like the good parts of you, and I know you have some challenges, but that is no excuse for you to be unkind. Rando: I'm gonna put this on my sad cowboy Instagram meme account. Nathaniel: I can't believe this is your car, this is what you drive. Aren't you supposed to be, like, a branch manager or something? And you drive around in an old junker? Is that what you think of yourself? Heather: I did not ask for your opinion. Nathaniel: It's just that people who respect themselves usually drive decent cars they keep clean. It's just a fact. Heather: You know, I've had about enough of you. You're being a dick. Nathaniel: Pardon me? Heather: No, pardon you. Omigawd, you think the world revolves around you because you're all smart and tall and rich and white and spoiled and male with playful hair. Nathaniel: Hey, don't talk about my hair. Nathaniel: Au pair is rich for babysitter. Paula: So you got that from a man named Grover in Cleveland who was not Grover Cleveland? Paula: We can't leave before we see the collection of vintage tuna containers. Ooh, and Mrs. Beattie has invited us over for dinner. Josh: That's it, Paula! Enough! I can't stay here all night enabling your procrastination caused by an inner fear of success that's making you put off studying for your finals. Paula: Wow, Josh. Josh: Did I get that right? Paula: Omigawd, I think you did. Mrs. Beattie: Sounds right to me. But what do I know? I got 43 porcelain cats. Josh: Only 43, huh? Nathaniel: I'm lonely, so lonely. I don't know why I can't have that closeness with anyone else. Heather: Well, you could try being nicer to people. That could be a good first step. Rebecca: Dang, cowboy! You don't look like a dang cowboy. Darryl: Well, my outfit was trashed, so I bought new duds in the gift shop. And then the, uh, molasses wouldn't budge, so I just buzzed the old duster. Rebecca: Omigawd, you shaved your mustache. I didn't notice. Darryl: But I did save it for the scrapbook. Paula: Here, this came in the mail. It's apartment listings in the area. Dude, you have got to move out of Hector's mom's house. Josh: You mean so I can establish my own boundaries, spread my wings, find my own path? Paula: No. Because it's sad and weird. Josh: A lot of people keep saying that to me. Rebecca: Maybe I can be attracted to a different type of guy. Guys who aren't withholding or cold or jerks or unavailable or dating other people or immoral or married or Nathaniel or Greg or Josh. I hope one day to find someone who is as kind and as loving as you are. Rebecca: You know, just for the record, I bet you're great in bed. Darryl: Oh, yeah. I also have an enormous penis. Rebecca: Good for you, buddy. Bert: Why'd you do that? Nathaniel: Um, well, I'm new to expressing affection. Was that not right? Bert: Well, not exactly. But it's a start. Heather: Hey, Nathaniel, guess who just leased a brand-new Civic, bitch! Nathaniel: There you go. Heather: Did you know there's Bluetooth in cars now? Nathaniel: Everyone knows that, yeah. Heather: That's crazy.
  3. S04.E05: I'm So Happy for You

    My reaction to Heather's news that she and Hector are moving to El Segundo:
  4. Original air date: 12/7/18
  5. S15.E07: Anybody Have a Map?

    FYI - it was the Emmys. Grammys are for music so the closest that Katherine Heigl is probably ever going to get to a Grammy is her brother in law (his band has won seven).
  6. FYI - he was also a regular on Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.
  7. Dan Levy was a guest star on Modern family a few weeks ago (S10.E3: A Sketchy Area). He played a bitchy courtroom sketch artist. He also wrote a recent episode of The Goldbergs (S6.E3: RAD!).
  8. S15.E08: Blowin' in the Wind

    To be fair, Bailey was only bitching about Alex at the beginning of the episode before he called. She complained about how messy his office was to Richard and then asked where the hell he was. But once he called and told her he was stuck at home, she told him that it was fine and to stay safe. She did not utter a negative thing about him after that.
  9. S15.E08: Blowin' in the Wind

    I didn't it was a big deal either. The only thing that is actually Alex's fault was oversleeping (and to be fair, even if he had woken up on time, it might have already been too windy for him to get to work). But the fact that he didn't ignore the warnings to stay inside is not a bad thing. As someone (Bailey) said, only a third of the hospital staff was at work so Alex isn't the only one who was stuck at home. There's no need to be reckless and go out in very dangerous conditions. Yes, it IS standard procedure. Informed consent is the law here. You can't just do a procedure on a patient without telling them all of the possible risks. The impalement story I always remember is Cristina and the Icicle of Doom. My best friend from college got ordained on the internet so he could officiate at my wedding. He had us sign all the paperwork and then he gave it to us because we told him we were going to mail it in. Same here. Just because Teddy is knocked up is no reason for Owen to drop everything and pledge undying love/propose marriage to her. I know we haven't actually heard him say what he plans to do but let's be real. It's baby crazy Owen who nagged Cristina for what felt like YEARS to have a baby. There's no way that he's going to say, "That's cool, Teddy. Let's keep in touch and maybe you can bring the baby to come visit for Christmas." I bet he's going to tell her to move to Seattle. I really hope he doesn't suggest that they get married though. It drives me insane (on tv and in real life) when people act like having a baby is a reason to get married. If you weren't ready to get married before you knew there was a baby on the way, you aren't any more ready to get married now. The most disappointing scenario I can imagine is Owen telling Amelia that he's moving to Germany and that he find a way to make sure that she can foster Betty and Leo together. Amelia isn't adopting Betty. She said that she decided to apply to be Betty's official foster parent.
  10. S01.E07: I Dare You

    I have no issue with her accent and I don't need an explanation for it either. Not everyone who lives in the United States was born here. I'm perfectly fine assuming that she grew up in a French speaking country without the characters mentioning it.
  11. S05.E06: Sub Standard

    Honey looked stangely orange in this episode. While I understand what she was saying about how she missed the pre-baby version of herself, the specific things she named (jogging and reading) are things she can still do. If you have time to go to a step aerobics class, you have time to read or jog. Sure, you may need to plan ahead to have someone watch Maria for an hour but you can still do those things. It’s not like she was a prima ballerina who became paralyzed is incapable of doing something that was part of her identity.
  12. S03.E09: Don't Let the Good Life Pass You By

    Doug Forcett was first mentioned in the very first episode of the show during Eleanor’s orientation meeting. Michael has a picture of Doug hanging in his office. Eleanor: Um, so who was right? I mean about all of this? Michael: Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. Jews, Christians, Buddhists, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Doug Forcett. Eleanor: Who's Doug Forcett? Michael: Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. One night, he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend, Randy, said, "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" And Doug just launched into this long monologue where he got like 92% correct. I mean, we couldn't believe what we were hearing. That's him, actually, right up there. He's pretty famous around here.
  13. S01.E04: Hope Is Not the Goal

    Since some of the MF students could be compelled but some could not, I guess Matt hasn't mandated having vervain in the water supply. When Landon said that the clothes the school gave him were from 1993, I was really hoping he would find something in one of the pockets from Kai.
  14. S01.E04: Hope Is Not the Goal

    My understanding of siphoning is that it's kind of like a rechargeable battery. They can siphon magic and store it but once they use it, they need to siphon some more magic. When they siphon, I don't think they need to use that magic immediately.
  15. S15.E08: Blowin' in the Wind

    Betty is Leo's mother.