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About NinjaPenguins

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  • Gender
  • Location
    New England
  • Interests
    Sports, science, gaming
  • Favorite TV Show
    Big Bang Theory

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  1. Oh noes. Will the couple who fuels the headwriter’s carrot cuffing sessions break up forever? The suspense is causing me mild discomfort. I’m a safe distance from the edge of my seat, but you never know. I so appreciate my soaps tackling weighty moral issues like cheating trash cheating on her ex-husband’s brother with the cheating trash she cheated with before. Phyllis is a heroine you can root for as she hops on the red-assed baboon ride at the carnal carnival that is her daughter’s condo. And Nick! Noble Nick, who drags his dog ass back to Phyllis when the going gets a little tough with Sharon. A true romantic hero for the ages. Kyle better blow up Phyllis’s spot as soon as possible. Poor Beely is getting the Jack special from Phyllis and I must laugh. Hilary’s last words will be “Go back to Billy, Phyllis. He’s a good man.” Hey, dying from injuries sustained in a car wreck is no excuse for shirking your propping duty.
  2. That’s how he lured the cows close enough for tipping back in Oz. He keeps those on his face in the form of lips.
  3. That was a very... satisfying post, Countrygirl. If I smoked, I’d be asking for a cigarette. I found myself indifferent to Hilary and Devon towards the end of MM’s run, but that’s because Young is a shit writer of shit stories. The whole sperm saga, Lily’s relentless, obnoxious quest to get up in her brother’s business, and did I mention the neverending sperm story? We can’t even get the Hilary character back now. I know she’s a well hated character, but I dug her. Oh well. We still have Phyllis throwing herself on the casket to look forward to, you know, since they were besties and practically sisters. I think people keep dying in that operating room because no one turns on all the lights. That’s probably the very room where Victor got all his many vasectomies and Nick received his lobotomy. Billy probably went in for a minor sinus surgery and came out a buttbiscuit with a blowhole.
  4. But Jack is old and crusty and boring and Phyllis is practically a teenager! I can’t even believe now that Phyllis was once that dirty old man’s child bride. But seriously, folks, what a popcorn fart of a sex scene. It featured all the red hot chemistry of a guy getting a birthday hug from his auntie. Jaborrrring! I hope Beely finds out and he and Summer bang each other’s brains out. That’ll be a hot three seconds.
  5. I can’t make myself watch the video, so I’mma pretend that’s sarcasm. Dear god, let it be sarcasm. That’s the truth. Making Jack prop the deviant Philly freakshow is absolutely disgraceful. Young must be desperate as fuck to sell this shit pairing if he’s making the injured party fluff them. I can’t believe Phyllis is eating the show again, this time with a whole different actress. Blergh.
  6. Please tell me that’s not a transcript, spinx. Please, please, please.
  7. ...as the male baboon seeks release of a sexual nature, the female viper presents herself upon an elevated surface, preferably one proximate to a feeding ground. The baboon mounts the viper in an unspeakable act of cross-species copulation rarely caught on camera. Zoologist Mal Young of Flapjack University assures the general public that the union cannot produce offspring, while Genoa City residents report sightings of a dim, mucus-producing creature with the cognitive skills of a baboon and the behavioral markers of the red viper. Other citizens speak of an amphibious anteater able to inhale a softball. This particular animal has been spotted with the viper wrapped around its genitals. Is this is a symbiotic relationship, where the reptile grooms the anteater’s sex organs in exchange for a share of the ants? The mystery deepens... *Excerpted from Cryptozoology: Wisconsin edition
  8. I’m about to drop a hot take, y’all, so please cover your heads. I feel very passionately about this topic. Bananas are the devil’s detachable dick. Unpleasant in texture, cloying in smell and repulsive in flavor, bananas are actually a tree’s waste product, aka “tree turds.” #scienceisfullofsurprises. Nature left humanity a bag of dogshit on its doorstep, and humanity opened it and ate the canine colon candy right out of the wrapper. Hot take over. Watching Nikki choose Sir Spanx over her baby baboon reminded me of my long ago library job, when a daily patron practically skipped up to the desk, beaming with joy as she told us that she’d ended her relationship with her young adult children for “her man.” Her man was annoyed that they spent so much time together. Oblivious to our stunned silent reaction, patron skipped off to the computers, probably to announce her brilliant decision on Facebook. I bet she used a lot of emoticons too. Anyhoo, Nikki reminds me of an ignorant, off-putting asshole is what I’m saying. Imagine, siding with the unwrapped mummy who wished you dead on a slab instead of your own son. I get that Sharon is upset because Nick pretended to be JT, but it’s not like he knew that Sharon and the gals buried him in the park. If Young weren’t looking to manufacture angst, Sharon would point at Victor and laugh her ass off. She and Nick would then go out to celebrate Victor getting his richly earned gaslighting. I know this isn’t your original quote, CS. Banana Butt, as Christian’s legal father, is well within his rights to move to California with his child for gainful employment. Victor doesn’t get to say boo, especially after he helped blow up that kid’s biological father. In fact, Nick was probably doing the morally right thing by getting Christian as far away as possible from Victor’s malign influence. Faith could also use the distance to detox after years of imbibing grandpa’s venom. Something just occurred to me. I don’t give a shit about the Ashby twins or Charlie’s and Shawna’s quest to have sex. Maybe Devon and Lily being at odds will be interesting. Ha ha. Like Mal Young will write something interesting.
  9. I had no idea you were a poet, Joi. That’s just beautiful. Nick and GT Phyllis have a weird anti-chemistry. It’s almost like they’re related or something. I don’t know how to describe it, but I do know I don’t want to watch it.
  10. Buttbiscuit Recipe 2 cups flour 1 tablespoon baking powder 2 large nostrils (remove hairs prior to mixing. leave in green/yellow deposits for texture) 1/2 cup shortening 3/4 cup milk All the vanilla Mix well in a bedpan. Use a heart-shaped cookie cutter to form butts in the dough. Bake in office popcorn machine for 12-18 hours or until lumpy and white. Great for poker games, yacht parties and elevator dates. Well, I guess having Nick go dark is cheaper than recasting Adam. Am I supposed to feel bad for Ol’ Scratch because his slow-witted son is making him taste his own medicine? I don’t give a fuck, as it turns out. Karma taking the form of a shit flinging baboon who considers his own asscrack nature’s ultimate scratch n’ sniff sticker is odd, but hey, Victor’s earned it. Too bad Nick is too dumb to prevent collateral damage. Hey, do you guys think Phyllis is mad at Billy? She’s so subtle with her emotions.
  11. Thanks, you guys. Nick is part Dark Horse. I’ll let everyone guess which part.
  12. You know what would be a GREAT idea? If Phyllis, Nick, and Billy were in a WTD situation! The drama! The thrilling medical mystery! The medical mystery would be “out of how many orifices can I vomit simultaneously?” Of course, the baby would be born with twin blue whale blowholes in the middle of his face, and precious Philly would be stronger than ever. Don’t even pretend Mal Young hasn’t thought about it. Miamama, I also thought it would be fitting if Phyllis slept with Jack just so Buttbiscuit could eat the shit sandwich he so happily served up to his brother. Alas, we’d be deprived of scenes of Phyllis holding a game controller all wrong and being sexay fun. However, if Nick slaps on that JT mask during coitus, it will all be worth it.
  13. Buttbiscuit Rhapsody Is this Y&R? It’s just a travesty Watching a shitstorm No escape from dead JT Open your eyes Look up to the screen and see Mal’s just a poor hack, he gets no sympathy Because he’s smitten with hot Philly He could be high on cheap blow Anyway the show goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me Billy, Mal’s just a stan Put Phyllis in your bed, killed my interest dead Billy, you just bought a boat But now you’ve gone and bet it all away Billy, ooo I cannot tell a filthy lie If you’re back again this time tomorrow Fast forward, fast forward as nothing really matters Too late, Billy has come Elevator’s rocking Don’t you dare come a knocking Goodbye everybody I've got to puke Gotta go to the bathroom and face the bowl Billy, ooo (anyway the chunks blow) I don't want you dead I sometimes wish you never was born at all I see a pale hipster doofus of a man What a douche, what a douche will you end the Blood Abbott Clause? Buttbiscuit and Phyllis very very frightening Victor Newman, Victor Newman, Victor Newman, Victor Newman, Victor Newman Is undead - decomposed But Billy’s just a poor schmuck and nobody loves him He's just a poor boy from a good family Spare me his lies about his poker strategy Sleazy crumb pasty clown will Mal let you go Buttbiscuit! No Mal will not let you go - let him go Buttbiscuit! Young will not let you go - let him go Buttbiscuit! Mal will not let you go -let him go Will Mal let you go - let him go (never) Never let him go let him go Never let him go ooo No, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh miamama , miamama, miamama hates him so Beelzebub has a script full of naked Philly Fuck me Fuck me So you think you can bore me and offend my eye So you think you can love Philly and let ratings die Oh Mal Young, can't do this to me Mal Young Just gotta turn off just gotta turn off this shit here Ooh yeah, ooh yeah Summer only natters Anyone can see Summer only natters and will never destroy Philly
  14. I loathe Nick, but I’m not sure I’m ready to put him in the same ilk as Victor. I think Nick actually cares about Christian, whereas Victor sees him as property and a weapon. Now I must rinse the taste of spoiled bananas out of my mouth and vow to not say anything nice about Unfrozen Caveman dimwit for at least a week. Man, just think though. If Victor had shot Nick point blank in the chest (as he’s already done to Jack, never forget!), he’d score another Sonny Corinthos point (or does Sonny score Victor Newman points when he’s being repellent?) on his Somehow This Vile Fuckwad is the Hero of the Show score card. Victor could even wail that he didn’t know it was his own son so it’s not his fault, just like Sonny! Never mind that Victor could have called the police on “JT” instead of packing heat in a dark alley like a demented vigilante. I feel like Ashley and Neil should work, but the love scenes are so awkward.
  15. You mean the press conference so terrible you’d think it was arranged by Neil Winters? Just kidding. Even Neil is better than that. So I had no idea that JT was built like a gorilla and scraped the ground with his knuckles when he walked. I guess the JT mask was sooo convincing that Nick’s physique went unnoticed. Oh noes! Billy is jabusted!