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islandgal140

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  1. S13.E14: Blow Up

    Can we please stop calling whatever the hell Vicki was doing twerking? That was more like a lower body spasm.
  2. All Episodes Talk: Large Cakehole

    Wait, so the hormone monster isn't Will Arnett?!?! Wow, I would have bet money that it was. I am usually very good at identifying voices so this surprises me to no end. Sounds just like him. Nick Kroll could find work as his voice double if it came down to it. I couldn't agree more. I can't get the "I made thick in her warm" out of my mind and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. On the other hand, I love getting more Lola. Nick's voicing her takes me clean out all the time. Love this show and I will be re-watching. I try to pace myself but it just didn't work out.
  3. Me the minute they told me the hotel didn't have a/c They are not gonna have me sweating out my blow out on vacay. Once again Tamra demonstrates that she is a friend to no one!! I thought she was baptized, saved and an official G-d botherer now? I guess it didn't take because she is back to being a mean, vindictive bitch. She even has that malicious evil glint in her eyes again. I always knew Satan's would never let go of his #1 concubine. The only thing religion and priest can do for her is attempt an exorcism and even then Tamra would be like: Eddie's afib is back but Tamra went to Bass Lake Jamaica. Let me get this straight. Gina and Matt are great friends, they love each other and they still have sex YET they can't even exist under the same roof with their kids to the point they have to rent another property so one of them can live there while the other spends time with the kids in the family home? But yet their divorce is amicable, uncontested and a non-event. Make that make sense. Gina is only gonna get or ask for child support and not alimony? Her husband is some kind of Svengali. I thought all the ladies looked pretty decent (to varying degrees) in their swimsuits. Emily is built solidly but she is surprisingly toned and fit. Impressive. I got what Kelly was going for bringing up the projects and other people having it worse to put Shannon's issues in perspective but something about it rubbed me the wrong way. Both Emily and Gina need to get off Shannon's jock. Why would you even want to bother with Shannon if you think she belongs at Shady Pines and is a joyless sad sack? Shannon can be self absorbed and is a high strung worry wart but she is capable of being self-deprecating, self aware and funny. More importantly, I do think she is for the most part a reasonable person capable of admitting being wrong and sincerely apologizing making her a unicorn across the franchises. Aside from the cringey scene with the bartender, I didn't mind Vicki too much this episode. Color me surprised that she asked the driver about the rasta hat w/dreads? That is the most culturally aware her or this group have ever been.
  4. S02.E12: Tell-All

    I think Rachel and Jon are caught up in an "us against the world" folie a deux. Apparently, they are the face of true love and the world is conspiring against them including the US Immigration office. Its all cute now that they are only together a few weeks out of the year and talk an hour or 2 a day, but shit doesn't get real until you live with someone for a period of time. Until you have to get a job to pay bills, care for a child who has the chicken pox, do household chores, run errands, etc. The crushing reality of the mundanity and sheer banality of married life will tell all in the end. We'll see Jon's true nature. For Lucy's sake, I truly hope he is past his ragey fisticuffs stage.
  5. Shamefully, I do think Jon is attractive and if the British stereotype about their looks is to be believed, he is probably a British 7.5. The biggest marks against him are his small stature, questionable intellect, felonious background and vacant eyes. I am of two minds on Rachel's lack of style. On the one hand, I am all for a woman wearing what is comfortable and staying true to herself and her style. But on the other, I mean damn! If you aren't gonna dress up to meet the love of your life or your new extended family - when the hell are you gonna dress up?
  6. S02.E12: Tell-All

    I actually read the report and it literally doesn't get any trashier. Get this! She caught the DUI going to pick up the married dude from a detention center where he was being held for DUI. So Ang went to go pick up an arrested drunk, DRUNK!! You can't make this shit up. These looks the people from Deliverance look well-heeled. In all this fuckery, I can't help but think of the woman married to the dude. What the hell must it feel like to find out your husband is cheating with a big backed, hay haired, leather skinned 52 yr old that looks 62 , with pendulous teats who probably smells like cigarettes and potted meat. Self esteem must be in the basement to the sunken place. Dude owns a convenience store so Ang probably get cigs and tastykakes free!!
  7. S02.E12: Tell-All

    If the elder vs elderly trouble showed me anything is that Michael seems to have a better command of the English language than most of the Americans ever featured on this show. I never want to see that human meatball Ricky on my screen ever again. His convo with his daughter made me want to hurl. It was almost as if he was trying to use her as an excuse to cool it off with Ximena. The most shocking revelation of the reunion for me is that Paul's father is around. Maybe I've been zoning out during his segments but I don't recall him ever being mentioned so I for sure thought "father" had either died or made a run for it. I actually don't fault Paul for wanting a DNA test. The timeline for both Karine's pregnancies seem sketchy. Plus, she is talking with guys no matter how near or far and staying out all night and not coming home. Girl what?!?! What I do fault him for is asking her on live tv. That is just dumb. Unless he wants to find out in utero who the daddy is, he doesn't even have to ask. Just wait until the baby is born, get a hair or saliva sample and skip over to the local testing office with translator app in hand. Easy peasy. Ximena and Jesse should've switched makeup. Hers was too pale, his too dark. His bronzer actually made his pot marked skin even more prominent and unfortunate looking. I thought Darcy's makeup was the most on point it has ever been. Flawless. Now if only she could get her weave/wig right. It is like she doesn't understand the concept of matching and blending to her hair color and texture. That hair looked like it was culled from a million Dollar Value Barbies. I'm not so sure this is over. Ang obviously isn't averse to looking and acting the "grown" fool on talk show (Maury 2x) and reality tv so I wouldn't be surprised to find they got back together just so Ang could get another season and a few dollars in her pocket. Fame, hell infamy, is addictive. I remember those days. Even though I still watch TWD, it isn't the must see tv it used to be. I don't know what it says about me that 90 days reigns on Sunday and record TWD and don't watch until Monday, sometimes Tuesday. Jesse's suit reminded me of an extra in the Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal video.
  8. S02.E12: Tell-All

    Okay, I'm kinda pissed that Shaun didn't get to the burning question of the night (for me anyway): Did Jesse and Darcy have sex on break up night? Enquiring minds wanted to know.
  9. S02.E12: Tell-All

    Tell nothing disappointing as usual. When is this filmed? I wanted confirmation on the Hazel bisexual/Tarik orgies. LOL! Surprised, but not, that Hazel's statements about not finding Tarik attractive and wanting desperately to come to the States weren't thrown in Tarik's face. Why was Big Ang so shocked over the elder comment? That aired like episode 3. Her energy was like this is the 1st time she is hearing this. Mike needs to up his game. When talking about the looks and age of a woman like Angela the answer isn't that looks aren't important to you and you look at their heart and soul. The answer is she is sexy and beautiful to you. Ang girl, this ain't Maury. Sit your burly ass down. Jon talking about beta men, but living in his mama's house, unemployed, Felonious garbage sorter and $50,000+ in debt. Not a good look. Jon is problematic, but he is right that it does take a real man to be a true and loving father to a child that isn't his. Only time will tell if Jon is that. My sage words to Jessie - bronzer isn't for everyone. Jessie also needs to stop saying that he should've called the police on Darcy for throwing shoes. Even in the worst case scenario that she did aim for his head (which I don't believe) she didn't make contact so he sounds like a lil bitch. Speaking of lil bitches, Ricky is the worst kinda bitch. That additional scene with his daughter made my blood boil. He always leads with either an outright lie or a lie by omission. I can't think of a single conversation he has had with anyone on this show that didn't end with him being less than truthful. This time with his daughter, he left out that he actually was engaged to Ximena. Also, he always has to say or get reassurance that he isn't a bad guy. News flash- if you have to do this all the damn time odds are you aren't a good person.
  10. S07. E15: Last Chance for Romance

    Like most things in life Amber's situation can be crystallized by a Seinfeld episode - Amber's Got No Hand!! She has no power in the relationship. Dave hold all cards. My impression is Decision Day is all on Dave. https://youtu.be/8g3tQaqizh0?t=4 Combine that screwy power dynamic with another cult Classic - Dave is bit like Lucille Bluth. He appears to get off on withholding. Classic TV comparisons aside, as much as Amber wants Dave to state his intentions, I can't really see any evidence that Amber has fallen or is falling in love with Dave either. I mostly see a woman who doesn't want to be single or rejected on national tv. I don't dislike Amber, but I think she does fall within Tristan's quoted phrase of tired of being single but not ready to be married. Most telling was her not wanting her life to be inconvenienced at all by doing extra shit for Dave, which apparently, she still ain't doing. According to Dave, he does all types of extra stuff for her like flowers and reassuring phone calls but she can't be bothered to reciprocate.
  11. S07. E15: Last Chance for Romance

    When Mia was darkening Tristan's hotel room doorstep it just came to me who/what Mia reminds me of - Wybie from Coraline. Something about her posture, her energy and they way she walks reminds me of that character. I can't even with Tristan and Mia. I believe Tristan. Mia is just a low level sociopath. She actually fixed her mouth to say that she thought all their problems were minor ones to Tristan's shock and surprise. When she noticed he didn't agree with that assessment she asked him what he thought their big issues were to which he rightly replied: you told me you wanted a divorce and walked out on me!! There is something really wrong with her. I don't think much of Tristan even entertaining being in her presence at this point. Then these 2 idiots cuddle on the couch and exchange "I love yous" WTF?!!? At this point, they are just sticking around for the $$. Makes no sense. Yeah, Amber wants a spoiler/sneak preview of decision day. LOL! Amber is stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy spiral. Her feelings that Dave isn't attracted to her are feeding her insecurities and her constant need to be reassured is driving Dave away. The resolution to the Dave/Amber fight was the most nonsensical thing to happen on the show.
  12. Tamra leaving her husband the day after he had heart surgery made me think of another iconic moment on OC I let out a hearty laugh every time Vicki says she would have changed to save her marriage. In the 13 seasons this show has aired, she just now learned how to give the appearance of a proper apology. Apart from her haircut and plastic surgery, Vicki is pretty much the same person she was S1 ep 1 as she is S13 ep 11. You know why? Vicki is a narcissist and narcissists never change. Narcissists can't change. That is what makes them narcissists. She really needs to stop embarrassing herself with that lie.
  13. Part of me feels for the extreme soul grinding poverty stricken life Hazel has but I just can't bring myself to like her. I wouldn't give a fuck about her and Tarik but I have doubts whether she can be a decent mother to his special needs daughter. Tarik in particular ain't shit for potentially exposing his daughter to a caretaker he barely knows himself. I can't stand Tarik for this reason alone. For the life of me I can't see what Tarik sees in Hazel that makes him ready to risk it all. Me thinks his future involves lots of begging for a minimal amount of affection. The whole time I wanted the host to say "No I don't know. That's why I am asking you." The Twinflames are indeed highly competitive. Can't be coincidence that Stacey is dating a European 20-something fitness model for three years and than Darcey goes out and dates a Euro fitness 20 something "model" a 1 1/2 years later? You know what could have really used a warning? Dean saying Tarik is into orgies. Why are we even bothering with the 3rd gen stripper descendant? She showed up during the 5th inning. I don't care.
  14. S7. E 13: A Future to Believe In

    Pastor Calvin: I have confidence that this marriage could work. Note to self: Never ask Dr. Calvin for advice on anything Tristan ain't shit! If a man will put you out as a newlywed he’ll put you out with an infant and a fresh episiotomy with $15 to your name. Mia, her Keurig, and her Blue Cross Blue Shield health insurance card should have stayed gone. At the end of the episode, Mia looks so depressed to be back on Tristan's nasty little bed. I am convinced that the "experts" get some kind of bonus if the couples last until D day.
  15. Gotta say, I'm liking this season way more than last season and that preview for what is to come is life affirming. You hear me .. LIFE. AFFIRMING! Cooking dinner parties are some rich woman BULLSHIT!!! So you mean to tell me, I'm invited to your house for dinner but I got to stand up in the kitchen and make my own damn meal from appetizer to dessert?!? FOH with that shit! I could stay home in my jammies, be comfortable and watch Netflix. I don't care what anyone says, Vicki has one of the best HW homes amongst all the franchises. Her backyard is Legend and goals! It legit looks like the grounds of a 5 star luxury resort. People go on and on about Lisa Vanderpump's home but it looks like a commercial space to me, especially that entrance and living room. Gina's divorce narrative is nonsensical. Just say you love each other but aren't 'in love' like the rest of the world. Plus, how are you BFFs with your husband and haven't even been to or know where his LA apt is located and she can't even describe what he does for a living? Make that make sense. Vicki's moral compass looks like this: I LOL every time they show the clip of Kelly coming back to call Shane a twerp and a lil pussy. LOL! I officially don't like Shane's ass. He is the type that says sideways shit under the guise of sarcasm, that ain't funny, says he is kidding but totally means that shit!
  16. Anyone notice that when Darcy was seated on the train, they showed a full body shot and she was wearing comfy black bedazzled open toed slides? Why didn't she wear those to lug all that shit up the stairs? TV drama I suppose!
  17. I feel for the smack down Darcy is about to get but part of me wants this scene: Darcy: How do you like my new veneers? (smiles fetchingly) Jesse: Veneers aren't for everyone. I don't know how Darcy went from I got a call from Jesse saying he was gonna be in NYC to packing a giant suitcase and 2 overnight bags and hauling her ass to NYC? Did he invite her to stay at a hotel with him or just ask her to meet him? If this is Hazel in the beginning of the relationship and "in love" WTF is she gonna be like when she is settled down and complacent? Tarik is the simpest simp that ever simped. I am offended that he calls himself the Black Anthony Bourdain. Mr. Bourdain (RIP) traveled to explore international culture, cuisine, and the human condition. He didn't travel for fetish ass and to sexual exploit improvised women. Jackass!!! Hazel reminded me of a used car salesman when she mentioned a rich Japanese dude. Basically, saying look I got another buyer coming later this afternoon to see the car, so you better make an offer now or else. I can't at the 3 generations of strippers. Marta to a Muslim: Do you like my cross?
  18. I guess I am easy to please, because although I wouldn't say this season is on fire, it is damn sure a mighty improvement on S12. I like the new additions. Shannon walking into that restaurant with a stiletto on one foot and a boot on the other reminded me of Homer pretending to be handicapped to justify parking in 3 Handicap spots. She seemed to be literally dragging on foot behind. LOL! Gina looked so pretty in her scenes discussing her divorce with Emily and her mom. Minimal makeup should be her look! She looks a right dragalicious mess in her THs. But dear heavens her voice, especially in her scenes with Emily nearly had my ears bleeding. The worst of it isn't even the overuse of the word "like" but her rising intonation at the end of every sentence like it is a question. Drives me positively mad! I interact with Long Islanders on the daily and I have never heard such awful valley girl speech. I understand what Gina was saying and I don't mind that she said something to Shannon about it. Really it is the nature of the beast. I think in most instances outside reality tv, one wouldn't coach a friend who one's knows to be volatile and a bit of a wild card to confront someone at a party about a sensitive topic like the spouse they are divorcing dating another. However, making scenes at party's is a HW staple and Shannon might've been docked a day's pay for telling Kelly not to do it. I thought Vicki's b-day party was sweet and she acted pretty gracious and appreciative - for Vicki! I hate to body shame but damn is Shane bad-bodied! Seriously, what else is he supposed to do if someone talks shit about his wife if he has negative muscle tone? So far from what I have seen of Tamra's house, I mostly like it but that banquette in the middle of her kitchen is throwing me off. I want to like it but I just don't.
  19. S02.E07: Truth or Lie

    This episode became gold with the preview and knowing that next week I will be blessed to see Paul's slew-footed frog legs run up some stairs. Michael obviously can't handle Ang's Big Dick Energy! He needs to move onto greener pastures. There has got to be another Narkiya out there somewhere. Welp, I now know the Brazilian Portuguese word for talk is "Falar" since Paul said it about a million times. So I can now claim that this mess is educational and TLC has minimally fulfilled its task as being the Learning Channel. Color me surprised, marriage didn't change everything and make it all better like Karine thought. Who would've thunk it? I think it is telling that all Jon's friends and family are concerned but what makes me think their concern is so genuine is the way they seem so worried for Rachel and her daughter. Typically, and unfortunately, too many times in these kind of long distance relationships followed by days together and insta-engagement, the prospective grooms side try to almost demonize the woman. They aren't doing that here. His own mama, his sister, and all his own friends just truly think that Jon ain't shit when it comes to being husband and father material. They all seemed worried about the aftermath of what he will leave behind when he eventually (they think) mucks it all up. And Rachel please, the gov't isn't keeping you apart, Jon's criminal past is. Tariq still begging Hazel for kisses in the preview? I know that simp is gonna marry her even though she has visibly recoiled from his touch on multiple occasions. Can we just FF to 5 years from now when Tariq is getting begrudging biannual sex from his 'loving' wife with half her family stuffed into is townhouse? I outright cackled when Jesse said that one of the things he loved in CT was the food. Did he even get a chance to taste any? They got into fights and stormed off before eating every damn meal!!!!
  20. S08.E01: The End

    I thought the premiere was just okay. I am going into this season bracing myself because it all sounds very, very ambitious. I will say I never expected them to open with the destruction of civilization. I thought the apocalypse would be something we would be moving towards with various actors trying to usher it in and others trying to thwart it so I am tipping my hat at the boldness of the choice. I thoroughly enjoyed Cult too. I think the selective breeding thing is a bit of a guise. Isn't the sequence that the Anti-Christ ushers in the apocalypse and then works to bring Satan himself topside? Essentially, bringing hell and all its demons on Earth, taking over and destroying/perverting all God's creations? The collective searched for folks with the genetic code they think will work best for Master Satan and they can't copulate until a certain time, under certain conditions, ceremonies, chants, potions etc., to usher him into the womb. Or maybe I have watched too much Supernatural on the WB?
  21. S09.E01: Are You There Shim? It's Me, Ian

    The storyline of Frank having sex with all those women and the school forcing them to out themselves and stay there and get treatment was ridiculous. I guess there is no such thing as HIPPA in the land of Shameless. In what world would THOSE women have sex with a man like FRANK! In what world would ANY woman that wasn't insane, drug addled and self-hating have sex with Frank. It is like committing a hate crime against your own vagina! Not only is he unattractive but he looks unwell and unhealthy - like walking Ebola. This show has gotten stale, but it's nice to see a woman be unimpressed with Lip's sexual performance for a change. His old sponsor said, sober sex ain't that fun. I cannot believe he talked Lip into walking into that READ. She was like, excuse me..... who tf are u? LOL! I almost threw up in my mouth when he did that. He did it with the dish sponge and put it right back in the sink so basically all the pots and dishes "washed" with it will have a little essence de Frank on it. UGH!!! LOL! Funny you should say that because Lip always reminded me of a young Dustin Hoffman circa The Graduate, which ain't a bad thing but sex symbol he ain't. I don't know whether Carl's crazy fiancee/wife(?) is dead or not but I am happy for a break from her level of insanity. Although part of me does think it makes sense that at least one of these Gallagher kids would wind up with a partner as crazy as their mom. What was the point of the humping cgi rats? They could have kept that shit and saved some money.
  22. How embarrassing for that simp Tristan that Mia the Scammer was the one to file on him. I am sure he will claim that he never saw it coming. Blinded by the light I guess. LOL!
  23. S07. E.11 State of the Union

    Danielle is making out like a bandit with this marriage. Did y'all hear her at the tantric session? The 3 questions were: 1) what I'm loving about the relationship 2) what I'm challenged by 3) what I'd need Bobby's answers were he loved the time spent together, he's challenged by all the damn dogs and he needs her to express her feelings more Danielle answers were she loves his commitment to her, she has no challenges and she needs continued support. So essentially, Danielle is like I love all the shit you do and keep doing it. All her shit was about her and no duh of course she has no challenges because Bobby is doing everything. I get it she has a long ass commute, but sooner or later, Bobby will have enough! Bobby basically poured his heart and soul out at the end of the episode and her and her eyebrows sat there just grinning and eating it up. I thought when Dave was talking about how sad it was Amber never had anyone she trusted he was thinking of that gym friend plowing his wife. That's why his ass seemed extra pressed and judgmental. Aint no way Amber was joking about their baby going from newborn to being 5 years old. Dave had every reason to side eye her for that comment. Amber doesnt want to cook nor do her husband's laundry because that is extra shit but thinks she can care for a baby???
  24. S02.E06: Trust a Try

    Tarik is a simp and nothing aired about his Pinoy Angelina Jolie will deter him. He will just say it is show editing. Hazel said she makes about $10 a day so that $75 is a little over a week's salary for her. Is Hazel religious or just her parents? She is a baby's mamma and was "living in sin" with a man less than 6 months ago. How do they reconcile that? I don't see how Ricky's "Ximena used my money to get a nose job" narrative even makes sense. By his own admission, he didn't start texting Ximena in earnest until Melissa starting ghosting him which was about 2-3 weeks before his trip to Columbia. How does one get a nose job and heal completely in that amount of time? I see now why and how Ricky's already been married 2x and he is working on his 3rd ex-wife. Dr. Pimple Popper has a gold mine in Karine. Paul has his issues but Karine does come off like a lazy brat.